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is currently an undergraduate student, and coping with her overwhelming commitments. I like long walks in solitude, cosy chats, usually sleep like a log, and beg your patience in tolerating my versatile humour

Hi my name is Jocelyn, and I'd like to order a normal childhood.
Sheesh.
People can be such garbage trucks sometimes.
Its almost like they go through this really lousy day, be it their boss or someone they know, and they are really frustruated and all that pent up anger builds up within like an angry volcano, and before you know it, kaboom! They explode and vent all that negative emotions at the nearest available innocent bystander.
Incidently, that happened to be me. I mean why. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I'm just asking you to understand thats all.
I'm really trying my best here, and it doesn't help that your words demoralise me like a needle in a balloon.

Anyhoo, rantings aside, here's an update on the week (mind you, pretty eventful one)
Sunday
Second time working. Kind of got the hang of it, and need I say I've got some funky colleagues who really know how to brighten up your day, be it in their adoring chatterbox manner, of their crazy antics imitating the floor managers, or just plain bullysome material. Haha. New leapfrog guy and the cashier are just damn funny, I tell you. Looking forward to actually working now. Plus Ivena works in the same bldg, so I always pop by during my breaks to see her.
Monday
Council mtg which was quite long since we wanted to meet the facils, after which I had to leave for work.
Tuesday
Grad Night for J2s! In the morning met up with the dancers and Mr Tan. Then came home to sleep for awhile and finish some admin stuff. Then this annoying thing happened, cos I couldn't find my black shirt so I was like freaking out but luckily I had a spare so wore it and zipped to meet Marie at the MRT. Everyone was so pretty! And coincidentely, ended up doing duty for certain tables. HAHA. Oh man. Damn tired and I missed my last train home, so Marie's mom gave us a ride home. And she even got us food. Thank you, Marie's Mom!(:
Wednesday
I went for work in the morning. And I was talking to WT when I kind of unexpectedly saw my employer there. So just talked to her while she helped me arrange the stuff, and I ended around noon. Felt bad for neglecting WT, so we lunched together. Though technically it was not lunch for me, just that the Milo Dino really fills you up. Rushed back home for lunch (omg my brother was watching Spiderman3 I want) then off to Sarah's place for the superlatives thing. And omg, I'm not blonde but I have my moments. I got lost at Thomson, cos I missed the stop at Bishan. Because I was too absorbed in my phone. HAHA. OHMAN just shoot me. But thankfully, the dear girl has really good directional skills so made it to her place in time. Then we finished up quite a bit before I came home at abt 6.

Yup that was pretty much what's been happening. Today was CIP at the chuch with only a measly turnout of 6, but despite our size, did manage to get things done fast and furiously. And we had our very own Double A tower that touched the ceiling! Haha. Even the guy was surprised.

Really tired now.

And I can't stop thinking about what happened on Sunday. Thanks to certain people whom I'm thoughtful enough not to mention here. Eeks.
Thats all for now, toodles.

moss.

Jocelyn's Wishlist (thoughtfully posted for your convenience)
Note: This is not in any order.

1) Racing grannies from Borders ( saw it that day with ade and st thought it was so kewl!)

2) Chuck Taylor shoes! Haha. Or Converse sneakers are fine as well, either Brown or Blue.

3) A watch. That is waterproof.

4)Goong DVD. Boo, VCD doesn't come with English subtitles.

5) True Religion jeans. As if. Haha.

6) A Pilot Pen that never runs out of ink. For my A Levels.

7) Speaking of which, really good Math tuition (which I can afford)

8) A yellow hairband. Random yes I know.

Just had church, tmw there's work. Tired, but wonderfully so. To all the obstacles out there, I say Bring It On. Yeahhhhh.

Family time today. Finally. Ironic how its the holidays, yet I spend more time in the SCC than at home. So today went to the Cathay with my dad and bro to watch Bee Movie. Haha. Actually not really into it, but I guess we had to reach a compromise. As always. Used my voucher, so it wasn't that bad. We reached like 5 mins before the movie started. Picturehouse is NICE. Really posh looking and a bit high end, but nice place to hang out. Definitely. The theatre was like empty.

Movie was uber funny. I kept laughing my head off, not literally cos I still needed to see the movie right haha. I loved all the jabs at the corporate world and the whole lawsuit thing, it was really hilarious. However, I doubt if it would be a hit with the kids, since the verbal irony and all the spoofs are references to adult stuff which I don't think they might understand unless they are an avid fan of CNN and Larry King.

After movie, went to Little India to eat. Father's idea, since he absolutely adores the place. So had vadai and tea then he went to get stuff for dinner.

Oh gosh, Mustard Seed's promotion thing is tmw, and it's only me and Steph. Hope it works out. Haha. We actually have a mascot, her hamster.

I forsee a burnt weekend. Man, I've got some psychic skills yo. Haha.

A little less flustered today. I guess distractions come in handy when your constant wears you out huh. Met up with Starfish and Ade today at Orchard today, for a little present hunting for the unstated. And I was early today! Woots. Haha. No more Indian punctuality for me, I guess. Yay. Something funny happened while we were walking in the underpass. This guy, popped out of nowhere I mean literally like he just appeared and he was dashing. Not the handsome sense, I mean the literal running for his dear life and he was heading straight for us. Then, as if in slow-motion, I think he ran too fast or something, but his momentum made him kind of lose balance half way so he bent forwards and was almost going to fall. Then, just in the nick of time, he had the brains to help break his fall by bending his knees forward so he landed, quite gracefully I thought, on his kness barely a metre away from us. Ade was speechless, Starfish was amused and well, I was quite impressed. To me, it looked really rehearsed the whole thing I mean I wouldn't have been surprised if he has stuck out a sign from Starhub IDD calls or something. Then, as if nothing happened, he went up the escalator as though falling in style was your everyday thing. Wow.

So, that was my interested Thur for you. Haha. After Borders, it was The Body Shop to get more stuff for them then off to Food Republic for lunch/brunch. Quite happy to meet up with them, haven't seen them in ages (insert ultra huge smiley face). Guess that was enough excitement for one day, because of what happened yesterday so I came home early.

Mustard Seed thing on Sat, I haven't prepared it yet. Argh. Haha. Procrastinators unite!....tommorrow.

I'm not prepared.
At all.
I'm overwhelmed. Bombarded.
I don't think I can manage.
I know its not true, but I really feel alone at this point in time.
I wish for the understanding and co-operation of others.
I need more time, yours and mine. It's a struggle competing with the hands of the clock across time.
I need help coping. And let's not even get started on academics here alright.
This is my silent revolution.
Hear me cry. In both senses.

Note: This is not an emo blog.

Mae Hoon Na. I hope so too.

Just watched HSM2 on Disney today, while I was lazing around the TV wondering what to watch. Gosh, don't rmber doing this in a long time. Wouldn't say the movie lived up to my standards, but it was Disney til the very end. I guess this is what happens when the producers become over ambitious from the sucess of the first movie. Gone were the natural-ness of the cast, and the realistic storyline. Instead, it seemed to me that they were pushing the envelope just a tad too far. Everyone just seemed so buffed up, the setting too posh, the lines of the songs too cheesy and overpolished. It became just like one of those typical Disney movies; where everything is nice and shiny, but fake. Resemblent of Disneyland. Sigh.

Council today. Got a new theme for Orientation. Sigh. Hope we can get started asap, I hate it when we can't even start anywhere. Sometimes, I think the problem with me is that I have such high expectations of myself that I tend to impose it on others, hence the perennial lack of satisfaction over any project that I undertake. I don't mean to brag or anything but I do feel that when I give my 110% on anything(regardless of family commitments, birthdays etc) I dp expect the same from the rest. Again, desiring the unattainable. We should totally scrap the phrase Dream Big. What's the point of having such lavish hopes and wishes when someone is going to come along and trample on it like yesterday's trash right? And it's quite difficult managing truckloads of issues all day, it's almost like a never ending cycle. Hope all this works out in the end. Pray pray pray.

because you know the real me.

Today I broke one of God's commandments, Thou shalt keep the Sabbath holy. I say this because I started work today.
As usual, it began on a pretty bad note. Came out of the MRT then went the wrong way. Again! And I clearly rmber that I did visit Somerset this week. Ugh. Stupid sense of direction. Did a mad sprint up to the 6th level, and almost walked straight into a pregnant lady clad in black. Stopped myself just in time and saw the nametag. Sonia! Bingo. Was supposed to report to her. Symbolically enough ( as if as an indication of how well the day was gg to turn out), first thing she said was,
" Change your shoes to black tmw"
Erm, okay.
She asked another promoter to help me sign in and all. This girl was quite pretty and tanned, and she talked to me along the way. Wan Ting, her name. We instantly struck a friendship, and coincidentelly she manned the wooden toy section next to mine. Introduced me to the other guy at the board game section, Wei Li. And I found out that I was the oldest among them. Gosh, that did NOT feel good. Haha.WT showed me around, and taught me alot of stuff, including some street smart tricks which she had up her sleeve. Very useful. Haha. Lessson learnt:
1) It's a jungle out there, in the corporate world. Almost everyone is out there to get you. But I guess this doesn't really apply to me since I'm fresh, so they don't really think of me as competition. But still ,that doesn't stop certain people from being mean and not allowing you to have similar dinner breaks.
2) "Spidermen", as WT refers to them. I guess she sticks to this phrase since it's not as obvious as saying backstabbers. Apparently, there are people watching your every step. Take the three of us, for example. We were happily doing our job when this staff came up to us and told us off for talking excessively and ignoring our customers. We would have been content with this expl if if wasn't for one eensy weensy fact. We had no customers in the first place. Most of them just wandering parents, pampering their already spoilt children.
3) WL has a thing for baseballs. He kept hanging on to at least one during his shift. So when he went for his break, WT and I were arranging my newly arrived stock when we saw about 6 balls in the box. So we hid them there and closed it, and when he came back, we asked him to open it. It was amusing. Haha.
4) Standing around all day, even in your most comfortable pair of shoes, can be bloody tiring. And I even got a blister. Not to say I was running around or anything, in fact I was just unsuccessfullu waiting for ppl to come over to my section. Sickening overpriced toys, lol.
5) I am such a greenhorn. Looking at the "helicopter" girl makes me feel inferior, bcos even my seniority cannot match up to her retailing talent. You would have thought she invented the gadget, the way she was at it. Plus her steady stream of customers, mainly men and boys, in comparison to the puny occassional mom-to-be or the tired mother with her whiny child in tow.

Nonetheless, I did hit it with the people around me, who are quite friendly. Yet to meet Annie though, who offered me the job. Mainly been texting her abt stufff. According to WT, she's like Sonia. Lol. Wished to go home with WT and WL, but they left earlier since they signed in earlier than I did, so boo. Pretty tired now. Omg I totally get what ppl mean when they become tired of slacking around. Trust me on this. And I get paid for this you know. Only I know how boring this was. Haha.

Going again next Sunday. Let's see if this time, I'm not smothered by the canopy of the corporate jungle. And oh yes, a plaster for my blister.

I don't mean to wallow myself in self-pity. But frankly speaking, being sick is NOT cool. Trust me on this. Woke up today feeling slightly better, the itch in my throat is gone, but it has been replaced with a certain huskiness that makes me sound oh-so-sexy. Plus I had to go for council today. No choice mah. Marie got a sms from her mom about this job, so she asked me if I was interested. Just called the lady, hopefully I'll secure the job (fingers crossed). Supp paper results out today, quite happy that everyone I know made it. In fact, I feel totally at ease now for them. Guess it's a good start to the weekend. Sigh, cancelled outing tmr at SAJC though with Fishy cos I still haven't recovered. And ppl telling me wth am I doing, gg to a JC when I'm no longer in sec sch. Sighs.

Stayed in sch all the way till 4plus doing absolutely nothing in the SCC, heh. Then came home and tried to get started on teh 80 word story. Which is meeting terrible deadends. I need to reinvent my style. It's so...predictable. I need to recover soon, haven't been sleeping well at night either not with my nose like that. Darn this cough/flu/blocked nose.

If only I were as important to you, as you are to me. Perhaps my biggest shortcoming is desiring the unattainable.


A classic case of Sod's Law at work, a perfect real life demonstration. Let today be the most frustruating day ever in the history of Moss. (Note how she refers to herself in the third person whenever she experiences something not to pleasant)

Today was the day I decided to go for the walk in interview at Kino. And so I spent half my morning making copies of my results, ironing my shirt, etc. Earlier I checked my email and found (much to my dismay) that Subway's only wanted more than 6 months commitment. Darn, I just knew it was too good to be true. Sighs. Anw, I reached the office at 2 plus and was greeted by my welcoming commitee. HAHA, as if. It was a bunch of other like-minded students who greeted me with much disdain (and with good reason I guess, for we are all for the same job) while I asked the lady for the form. She asked me whether I could work on Christmas. Wth. The only day I look forward to more than my birthday and I have to work? Eww. So I told her that. Not the Eww part, of course. She was like "better tell that to the interviewer". So I was like okay and sat on the carpeted area outside. And waited. And waited. And waited. Zomg. The wait was unnerving. Technically she did ask us to come back after half an hour but nobody dared to, in case they skipped our turn. Finally, after what seemed like eons, they called me. At 415. Like, hello. I waited for 2 hours la. And then what happened? I blew up my chance. I noted all the signs. It was just an anticipation of failure I supppose.

Sign No 1: Nearly freaked out when I thought I didnt bring my photo. Came out of the MRT station and found out that it was in my diary. $0.45 gone

Sign No 2: Almost got lost in town. Town is scary. Freaks me out. That's why I hardly town. Came out of the MRT and had a blonde moment. Walked the wrong way. Haha. Sigh. Shoot me.

Sign No 3: While I was walking to the lady for my interview, my shoe came out and i practically hobbled over in the most unglam way possible

You see, bad things happen in threes. But I guess I couldn't have gotten the job, even if i wanted it real bad. They asked me to commit for the weekdays, and council clashes. Sigh. Looks like its gonna be a tough ride job hunting.

But I bumped into Bhart and Thrish on their way home from Econ tuition. Shucks, i need Econ tut too. But its so ex, doubt so. But she's really good. I should know. She taught us.

After I came home, quickly showered and pored down the Class Ads for more job vacancies then off to church to do the games for the camp. Stayed all the way until 10plus. Would have loved to climb over the church gates, but darn, there were people around so just used the other gate. Haha. I don't know why I have these weird tendencies. Wildchild randomness.

My ear appt is tmw, let's see what the Gods have in store for me.
Bon Voyage, India OCIPians(:
Esp the both of you.

Jocelyn has issues, seriously. No actually she doesn't, she has the whole subscription. Take this week, for example. She was supposed to get the following done :

1) Sort out the mess on her study table. Like ZOMG. I have not done this since pre promo period. I have like all kinds of papers from all kinds of subjects just screaming to be filed into their respective files. That day, I just happened to push my locker table and what do you know, I totally found the plastic bag of Yupi Gummy Bears from Assumption Day mass behind, together with my fancy scotch tape and the wrapping papers. I really thought they disappered off the face of the earth. In fact I was so overjoyed I did the only sensible anyone would have done. I ate it. Yes okay fine stop giving me that look. It was perfectly safe, I asure you. I totally sterilised the packaging first, and anw it wasn't expiring. Yet. Goes to show the condition of my table. HAHA.

2) Get a job. Now this came as quite a wake up call to me, I guess I really have to pay for my tuition since it doesn't come cheap. I just bemoan the fact that my weekends are gone, non existent once I start working. And why is it so freaking hard to get a job? Seriously. It's almost as though everyone but me has a job. Arrr. Why why oh whyyy. (tragic background music)

3) Do her homework. Whoa, don't get me wrong. I'm not a mugger, not that I think I ever will even if I wanted to. I just desperately need to get it out of the way before the council workload starts piling up. Considering the fact that I might be missing the first 6 days of school next year, I'm starting to get a little overwhelemed. At the preparedness, of rather lack thereof, of my state for the looming As ahead. Come to think of it, I feel rather inferior to all the other people around me, rushing for extra lessons or that group tuition session, or the extra consultation with the teacher what nots. I'm starting to get worried, truckloads. I'm haunted by so many question marks surrounding me, and I'm not sure I have the answers to all of them. I wish I did. But then I'd be God. Haha. Which for a fact I know I'm not. But I digress. Homework is piling, and Jocelyn needs to get off her lazy bum before it's too late.

4) Get into shape. Cousin's wedding just around the corner, in fact its in a month's time and I desperately need to look good. Unfortunately I doubt that my mother will be doing anything special or whatsoever so I'm just gonna have to do it myself. This includes the long overdue badmintion date, and growing out my hair (it's now reached a rather uncomfortably itchy state bcos its neither long nor short) and of course, getting an outfit. All this before my mother gets any funny ideas into her head and choose some horrendous clothes that I'd not wear ever again unless I'm paid a million dollars. But I do like that option. Haha.

5) Iron her skirt for tmr's council mtg. Sadly, I suspect this will be only be done in a rather hectic fashion as I'm dashing out of the house tmr morning. We really need to get started on the Orienation thing, asap. Once everyone's done with their sub papers. Then it'd be full steam ahead.

Sadly, some issues have yet to be resolved. Maybe that's why they are so aptly named.

Cheers, Moss.

This funny thing, friendship.
Just when you thought love was too hard to define.
It's amazing how you can connect with people you barely know, one minute you give that friendly wave, and the next moment you know all their fears, concerns and goals.
On the other hand, it's rather the older friendships I find increasingly difficult to maintain in the absence of common interests, or even lack of catching up times. I guess its true when they say out of sight, out of mind. Amusing how consistent the sms conversations were in the past, even the birthday greetings and hilarious debates over JCs, but I guess sometimes people move on. Or maybe its just me, maybe I tend to live too much in the past. Maybe I should just stop being so concerned about you. Maybe I should just whatdoyoucallit, move on as well. I just hope its God way of saying that I shouldn't be so emotionally attached, because you were destined for greater things. But I just want you to know, that one day when you become the famous high soaring person I know you will be, I was there once upon a time.

Personal random thought:
I do have tact. Really. I usually run through my mind a million times what I say out loud. But I guess sometimes, I'm just quite perturbed by my culture of self-censorship, of thinking of the nicest possible way to phrase myself without hurting the feelings of others, so much so that I fail to articulate what my real feelings are. And during the rare instances that I usually do, people become so flabbergasted by it. Sigh. Perhaps I should just go along with this facade of mine, since it's so much easier to adopt. But just to let you know, this isn't the real me.

I need a breather, honestly. 2007 just whoosed past me, and I didn't even notice. To think that I was sitting for my Os around this time last year. Wow. I'm old. Haha. This year's been pretty hectic, as I have probably mentioned like a million times in my blog. In fact, I can't remember the last time when I had absolutely no qualms about spending an entire day in front of the google box. No more cartoons, no more latenight movies, heck not even the rental of recent movies. This is so depriving. Lol. Maybe that's why I'm looking forward to tmw's movie marathons on Vasantham. Woohoo, finally get to watch some real TV.

Happy Deepavali to all Indians(:

Seeking opportunities that were never there, wishing for the right times that never came. I'm waiting for a cue that never comes.

Second day at Church of St Ignatius. I was early today. Zomg. That never happens to me. Either I'm punctual or fashionably late. Haha. Quite sleepy at the start of the day though. This is what happens when you stay up all night, doing absolutely nothing. More book unpacking, cutting of plastic, wrapping, and packing today. Though the turnout was fewer than yest, we did manage to finish all the boxes, plus the repairing of the Hosanna hymnals. Just wanted to extend a big thank you to all who came down for the sessions despite it being the holidays, it is muchly appreciated :D You guys rock. Anyhow, today was much funnier because of the lamer than usual antics of Lameh Salemeh, heh. I swear, both of us are like lame joke machines. And we have a resident monkey in our midst, Ah Tiong! HAHA. Oh man. I hope you don't feel marginalised :D

Council CIP today. About 20 ppl came down to St Ignatius. Most of them late. Haha. Mr Cuthbert is a nice old man. He actually offered us lunch and drinks and tried every possible way to make us comfortable. Thank you so much!

And we were really productive today, I thought. Needless to say, my group was the best quality control. Haha. To quote Andrew, they were "sick books" because it is accurate to say that girls are quite particular and hence our Breaking Books turned out nice. Pfft. Nyaa ha.

Mom's birthday today as well! Happy Birthdayyyyy:D Although I must say that my gift was quite budget, haha.

Okay, my apologies for the mass of incoherent train of thoughts. Not in a very link-ey mood today.
I hope I can beat the jam at Farrer Road tmw. That is, if the 153 comes on time. Hurr.

All I can say is,
Congratulations:D
Though I was suspecting it for quite awhile now. Lol.

Yesterday's conversation was really lame, btw.

Yo flea so fat it couldn't even skip...lessons!

Parents have this ingrained tendency to hurl unfounded accusations at their offspring. Either that, or they simply go ballastic and exploitative when they see their children having more free time on their hands than them. Take mine for example. The only two days I spend at home in the absence of my brother (NCC Camp) and they get all kinds of funny ideas in their head.

Accusation Number 1:
"you never do any housework"

Ahem, I beg to differ. Did you think it was some ghost from Hogwarts doing all the work all those times I came back from school? Like hello, I just don't do it when u guys are around, because well, you guys are around. Give me a break, puhleese/

Accustion Number 2:
" you don't seem to be doing anything. why don't you get a job?"
Again, a common misconception. Just bcos I am slacking off my butt these two days at home does NOT mean I am not productive. I am actually recharging and conserving my energy for the really packed holidays ahead. Yes, isnt it ironic how the holidays are so named when far from being a welcome respite from school, we actually spend MORE time in it? Obviously, when my weeks are gna be so busy, I natually depend on my weekends to recharge by sleeping in. And I don't appreciate the fact that I have to get up early on Sunday mornings to drag myself to teach English/Math/whatever to some spoilt hyperactive kid in God Knows Where.

Nonetheless, it was a pretty restful two days at home, and the retail therapy worked as well. Thanks mom! I absolutely heart the yellow t-shirt from Milk. Woots.

On a random note, I screwed up my OP. Big time. Such a letdown, I tell you. After all the hours we clocked in. Of all days for the slides to screw up. Sod's Law, seriously. I can only hope they won't fail us, life is so unfair sometimes.

I'm sorry, if I hurt you.

Aiming
Beans
Carmen
Cereal Tossers
Deborah Faith
Hao Wen
Jacq
Joel
Marie
Ngee Derk
T Lo

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