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is currently an undergraduate student, and coping with her overwhelming commitments. I like long walks in solitude, cosy chats, usually sleep like a log, and beg your patience in tolerating my versatile humour

To study Econs, you must be both willing and able.
For Lit, well, the trouble is all the teacher have great expectations of you.
When it comes to Geog, it's just sheer stress.
And my mind can't function when it comes to Math.

I just walked into another deadend, didn't I.

JC2 life makes one a sinner. Honest.
I'm overwhelmed by the labyrinth of emotions that are coursing through my mind, not to mention the multitude of thoughts that I entertain - I hope nobody in this world ever goes through what I'm in for now.
You are right. We are all digging deeper and deeper ditches for ourselves by the minute, placing ourselves in, with the walls looming overhead. There's no hope of escape and you know for a fact that you can't, and won't, be able to get out of it.
I always thought council was therapeutic, in fact it was always the highlight of my day, my week and my Fridays. So what happened today?
Why am I not feeling the sugarrush that I usually do? Is it because of certain incidents in the past week, or just the onslaught of events? Or have I just, perhaps been too immersed in my rose-tinted spectacles, just the Emerald City isn't really emerald after all.
Stupid, stupid, contradictory emotions.
I know I shouldn't feel this way, and I know for a fact that its wrong, disloyal, some might say. But somehow, you can't let your heart stop from deciding what it wants to. Rationality fails you, you know you are doomed for failure right from the very start, but somehow, somehow,

there remains just a tinge of hope.

Ouch my heart.

Heart Warrior Chosa said,
In the darkest hour, the soul is replenished and given strength to continue and endure.

Funny, I'm still waiting for my replenishment.
Catching up with lessons can be such a struggle, now that we are finally back in school. Predictably, the workload has gone forth and multiplied. Deadlines loom ahead, oh so ominously with teachers' expectations raising the hurdle even higher. The evil Maths monster rears its ugly head at every possible opportunity, sneering, sniggering, in its low mocking tone.

Realisation finally sinks in, that I'm a J2 student.
Stamina is something that I lack, both physically and emotionally. Physical because mass PE has left me exhausted beyond anything (running 10 rounds is no joke), emotional because I lack the Kindirk spirit to display some determination with my work.

I'm also awfully petty nowadays as well. Even unanswered SMSes determine my mood for the day. I'm really disgusted at myself sometimes. I can almost parallel my emotions to frost shattering, sometimes it freezes and at other times it thaws.

On the bright side of life, Happy 18th to Seren(: Our amazing HTC!
Happy super belated to Majella of CA!(:
Good job on Commencement Ceremony, guys(:

And today's make up lesson for the facils was HILARIOUSLY ENJOYABLE. Geog was okay, I still feel perpetually zoned out and my eyes glaze over at the sight of infilatration/throughflow BUT it was a really funny lecture! Lol. Because of the distractions. Haha. After which we ate at Mac's and almost came late for Econs lect. Which was conducted by both Mr Leong and Mark. Wow. Okay.

And and and I got my SIM card replaced!!!(: YAY. Finally, I'm CONTACTABLE. Now to just get a replacement phone. I hope I didn't lose the recent contacts like WT and Ibrahim, I'd be sadded if I did.

Alright, enough ranting. Back to work sweet work. Note the sarcasm.
I MUST THINK LIKE HEART WARRIOR CHOSA.

like parallel lines on the same plane, sometimes close sometimes far, yet they never meet.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thanks Jelly, for the email(:

It's over.

And my emotions are conflicted over it.
2 months of planning, which included coming back to school twice a week, and going online every night to check the updates, not to mention working through Christmas and New Year's Eve PLUS church retreat, council retreat, Anita's wedding AND working part-time.

WOW. How in the world did I ever manage. Haha.

Fervour really did end off with a climatic bang, on Wednesday. I joined my beloved 1T27(: at Kallang for dragon-boating (which unfortunately, was only an hour instead of the allocated 2 horus cos we arrived late) and Games at Kallang Park. On foresight, it would have been more memorable to have joined them dragon-boating but bcos I wanted to be contactable, I sacrificed it. Some MAJOR change in the schedule but failure to inform the commitee equated to some screw-ups and a period of what-the-heaven-is-gg-on, but it worked itself out. CHINESE FOOD LOOKED SO MUCH BETTER THAN HALAL LA. I feel so cheated. Lol. By the time we arrived back in school, it was just nice to shower and prepare for Finale Night. Did I mention that I'm in the lamest funniest hardy-har-har-est house ever. SHIOK! Oh yeah, something really hilarious happened during wash up time. We were using the PAC toilets and then it started raining as in HEAVY DOWNPOUR kind of rain and there was like no sheltered way back to the school, so we had to wait for the rain to subside. Eventually, we just wrapped the towels on our heads that would have nuns turning over in their graves and RAN all the way. And of course, Wei Qi decided to pluck some flowers for the Shiok girls to put in their hair, since it was a nice pink. Only to find out it was frangipani. Haha. While we were running back, we saw carceng and toon come out from the mens'. With umbrellas. We felt so stupid la ohmygosh.

And so we were trying to rarr-rarr the Shoik-ers for Finale Night at the canteen extension, which involved red and black face paint, drumming upside down red pails with empty bottles and screaming ourselves hoarse.

Finale Night! Best night ever-est!(: I totally loved Shiok's intro, with the hilariously Singaporean PCK music playing in the background and us coming in with our aprons and holding red plates ala Chinese wedding dinner waiter/waitresses and doing our dance routine. SHIOK WON BEST CHEERS!(:(:(: DUH! We have the coolest funniest cheers, like the Cheese Prata and the Bring Shioksky Back.

Needless to say, Finale Night did not end on time (according to schedule, we were supposed to be done by 8 but we ended at 9plus anw) after which it was full swing major clean up time. Then Mr Tan did his debrief and practically shoo-ed us out of the SCC even though it was pretty obvious that everyone was making plans for supper at Prata Cafe.

The only sad part that disoriented me was losing my handphone during House Meeting. I still don't get why anyone would want to take it, since it's not exactly a new model. And most of my contacts are stored in my phone instead of my SIM card. I can be so freaking careless. And losing it at this time is really inconvenient cos of the major events coming up. Uncannily enough, our GP lecture mentioned that Man was being overly-reliant on technology to the point that he was being controlled by it. And it just made me wonder how is it that I can be left feeling so down like as though a part of me was stripped away with the absence of a metal lump in my pocket. Quite scary, the way we (or rather, I) am so dependent on my phone.

Depressing feelings aside, going back to school (for lessons) was a jolt back to reality for me. Firstly everyone seems FULLTIMEMUGGER mood and it's starting to pressurise me. Lol. I mean, for someone who is used to a hullaballoo-ous class with distractions aplenty, seeing everyone doing maths(ZOMGWTH) during recess break can be pretty disorienting. And our lessons are so....quiet. It's scary. I need to get started on work asap, so I can catch up. A LEVELS LOOMING AHEAD.

Oh yes, list of acknowledgements to all those who made Fervour possible

Orientation Comittee! (Without whom, I would have just shrivelled up and decomposed. HEH)
OIC
Logistics-Rina Marie Guin Matt Toon Carmen
My beloved SAIKANG warriors who were on standby 24/7, esp during PA(:
Events-Andrew Liselle Andre Wei Wen Neri
Games- Cherie Arthur Wei Qi Shan Salameh Nadine
FSV
Dance-shake tambourine!
our wonderful j3 seniors(:
Mr Tan Sn and Jn
Last but not least, the very fantastic FACILS! It takes people to plan an event, but it takes a SPECIAL bunch of ppl to put plans into action and this is where you guys showed your dedication and commitent, as evident by the long hours we stayed in school (incurring the guard's irritation and bribing him with want want crackers)

Of course, not forgetting my pillars of support in council, whom I could always depend on esp during the very very trying time in Dec, when everything seemed to be falling apart. I don't have to mention names here, cos you know who you are. Thanks a million(:

Being involved in 01 has taught me alot of things, mainly my impressions of people. Though CA is technically a part of the 33rd, it's only school projects like this that bring me out of my fishbowl and work with ppl from the different wings and the other facils as well. And I'm glad to say, most of impresions of people have changed for the better after seeing their working styles. It's really refreshing. To quote Clare, there isn't really much of a barrier now among the wings and that I find AWESOME.

Looking forward to 2008. I will not let my lost phone get to me. Haii.

I really enjoy being around you.

I'm supposed to be doing my Geog homework now, but instead I'm blogging.
I can't prioritize. Shit.
3 days down, 3 more to go.
Orientation has been draining away all my energy, to the extent that I hit the haystack evertime I reach home, but I must say it's totally worth it just to see all the juniors smile. It's an amazing, one may even say accomplished feeling, to see the juniors having the time of their lives mucking around in the dirt, be it the dirty body word game, or recovering from a nasty outburst of rashes from Facil Kill at the PA, or even slippery scissors paper stone colliding with each other on a comfortable throne of papaya, watermelon, rose syrup and Mama Lemon.
PA was almost a disaster, what with the shortage of Logistics and the rash epidemic that got everyone scratching and the lack of wash up areas for them participants, but somehow or rather (let's say divine intervention) the timing was strictly adhered to and everyone had a blast.
Shoutout: I <3 IG27.
Even though I couldn't be around most of the time to help the other facils Toon and Nic, and I still can't match the names to the faces (okay, whatever, you guys always bluff me), you guys are an awesome bunch on people. Honest. So sorry guys, that the facils couldn't make it for the IG outing, even though we badly wanted to. It's been a blast getting to know you guys (:

Hopefully, I get to spend more time with my HT group (despite the fact that I'm going Kallang).]

Ugh, I have a date with Granite and Limestone.

In retrospect.

2007 has been pretty eventful. In both positive and negative connotations. Deaths aplenty, with regards to Mr Low and Thaddeus and a few others. If I could sum it up in one word, I'd say that 2007 was bombardment (again and again, the overused cliche). Both in the academic, social, emotional and spiritual aspect. Now that I think back, I find it ironic how you guys said you'd be coming to CJ to be low-profile. And look at you guys(: Haha, guess low-lying was never for all of you.

I remember (or at least, I think I do) my first day in JC, wondering and wandering around. At least it wasn't so bad, since the blue pinafores of the IJ girls were a source of comfort, but I must say it was quite overwhelming to be greeted by the multitudes of SJI whiteness. Haha. What immediately struck me about the place was the commendable efficiency of the 32nd, and that very natural leadership. And I just thought how it would be like just to join their ranks.

Can't really say first three months was a blast. True, I had a really outgoing class. True, the Bandits were really hospitable and helpful, especially my section leader. True, I always had my IJ friends to smile at or wave. But somehow, there was always this missing element. Yes, undeniably, first three months was memorable, what with certain incidents happening and all. But for some reason, after the results, I decided that it would be second choice instead of my first.

What a mistake that turned out to be. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I must say the statement is valid. Being in unfamiliar surroudings trying to get accustomed to a whole new culture in just two days, just proved too daunting for me. And I guess I must have surprised everyone (myself, even) by appealing back.

And I have never gone back.

It's really awesome here. I love my class, I enjoy being a part of 33rd (how I even got in, that's a whole new story), but most importantly, I appreciate feeling a part of Family. I know you guys are there to catch me fall, and that I can always turn to you when I'm down.

My relationship with God and the others has been really rocky this entire year, with the hurdle of expectations being raised one notch higher after every task. Somehow, I find it easier to pray now as compared to before. My relationships with others have also been turbulent in the midst of so many changes.

I always wondered, how it was that people could change so drastically in the winds of change. But I guess I must have been contradicting myself, because I failed to realised that someone else changed the most.

It was me. I changed. The most. For the better or worst, I don't know. Of course, there are parts of me that remain (and always will) the same.

I do have a few regrets too. My indecision, for example. I waited for cues that never came. Plenty of opportunites that came along, but I chose not to acknowledge them.

I'm sad, because the people who really matter won't be around anymore.

But it ain't all that doom and gloom. This year (or rather, last year) had its sunny moments.
Like my classmates. Who demonstrated what true moral courage is. And my friends, who display the fighting spirit. Not forgetting, the bunch of you guys whom I've managed to become close to in the past few months, for watching out for each other. I can't tell you how grateful I am.

The battle may have been lost, but not the war.

I hope things work out, really.

I'm going through a labyrinth of emotions right now, and my thoughts are quite muddled. I'm not even prepared for tomorrow.

I wish I had a pensieve for my thoughts. But then again, maybe I shouldn't even wish at all. After all, you should be careful what you wish for right? They do have a tendency to become true.

Happy New Year.

a lovely friend.

Aiming
Beans
Carmen
Cereal Tossers
Deborah Faith
Hao Wen
Jacq
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T Lo

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