A voice was heard in Ramah.

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Jocelyn A. Monique

is currently an undergraduate student, and coping with her ~~overwhelming~~ commitments. I like long walks in solitude, cosy chats, usually sleep like a log, and beg your patience in tolerating my versatile humour

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

5:30 PM

In retrospect.

2007 has been pretty eventful. In both positive and negative connotations. Deaths aplenty, with regards to Mr Low and Thaddeus and a few others. If I could sum it up in one word, I'd say that 2007 was bombardment (again and again, the overused cliche). Both in the academic, social, emotional and spiritual aspect. Now that I think back, I find it ironic how you guys said you'd be coming to CJ to be low-profile. And look at you guys(: Haha, guess low-lying was never for all of you.

I remember (or at least, I think I do) my first day in JC, wondering and wandering around. At least it wasn't so bad, since the blue pinafores of the IJ girls were a source of comfort, but I must say it was quite overwhelming to be greeted by the multitudes of SJI whiteness. Haha. What immediately struck me about the place was the commendable efficiency of the 32nd, and that very natural leadership. And I just thought how it would be like just to join their ranks.

Can't really say first three months was a blast. True, I had a really outgoing class. True, the Bandits were really hospitable and helpful, especially my section leader. True, I always had my IJ friends to smile at or wave. But somehow, there was always this missing element. Yes, undeniably, first three months was memorable, what with certain incidents happening and all. But for some reason, after the results, I decided that it would be second choice instead of my first.

What a mistake that turned out to be. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I must say the statement is valid. Being in unfamiliar surroudings trying to get accustomed to a whole new culture in just two days, just proved too daunting for me. And I guess I must have surprised everyone (myself, even) by appealing back.

And I have never gone back.

It's really awesome here. I love my class, I enjoy being a part of 33rd (how I even got in, that's a whole new story), but most importantly, I appreciate feeling a part of Family. I know you guys are there to catch me fall, and that I can always turn to you when I'm down.

My relationship with God and the others has been really rocky this entire year, with the hurdle of expectations being raised one notch higher after every task. Somehow, I find it easier to pray now as compared to before. My relationships with others have also been turbulent in the midst of so many changes.

I always wondered, how it was that people could change so drastically in the winds of change. But I guess I must have been contradicting myself, because I failed to realised that someone else changed the most.

It was me. I changed. The most. For the better or worst, I don't know. Of course, there are parts of me that remain (and always will) the same.

I do have a few regrets too. My indecision, for example. I waited for cues that never came. Plenty of opportunites that came along, but I chose not to acknowledge them.

I'm sad, because the people who really matter won't be around anymore.

But it ain't all that doom and gloom. This year (or rather, last year) had its sunny moments.
Like my classmates. Who demonstrated what true moral courage is. And my friends, who display the fighting spirit. Not forgetting, the bunch of you guys whom I've managed to become close to in the past few months, for watching out for each other. I can't tell you how grateful I am.

The battle may have been lost, but not the war.

I hope things work out, really.

I'm going through a labyrinth of emotions right now, and my thoughts are quite muddled. I'm not even prepared for tomorrow.

I wish I had a pensieve for my thoughts. But then again, maybe I shouldn't even wish at all. After all, you should be careful what you wish for right? They do have a tendency to become true.

Happy New Year.

a lovely friend.

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