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is currently an undergraduate student, and coping with her overwhelming commitments. I like long walks in solitude, cosy chats, usually sleep like a log, and beg your patience in tolerating my versatile humour

Much ado about ALOT of things

Too tired to blog actually, but the need to copia verborum proves too strong to resist. It has been THE most exhausting week ever, in a mental sort of way. Nothing like the physical drain of 01 or the sheer madness of mass PE. Tiring because of the looming PTM (which turned out to be quite a let down from me today). Guess I'm quite disappointed in myself for producing "the worst ever results that you could have ever produced". Hopefully enrolling in tuition will not be as counter productive as my teacher suggested. Sigh. So this is the level of stress my peers in academically better JCs go through regularly. I wish time would stop like the blue clock in my classroom, just for me to get a breather. I'm just wheezing my way through my subjects, and my Geog marks worry me. Have I mentioned how anal studying Geog can be? I quote myself. Like, you need to:
1) Read your lectures
2) Make notes on your lectures
3) Do tut
4) Make notes on tut
5) Read extra readings
5) Make notes on readings
6) Make notes on notes
As if the sheer volume of all these isn't enough (100 pages of Hydro is NO joke), there's also the skills part, which let's just say, hasn't been on friendly terms with me. Such an unrewarding subject. But I guess that's life right. We work hard so as to be judged by an alphabet on our A level cert, we grow up and slog for an organisation which can easily replace us, and we never make time for ourselves or the ones around us. Excuse me for being so cynical and disillusioned with everything, but honestly it's been a hell of a ride this whole week. Really. What with all the issues at home which is like walking into a minefield, plus today's incident in church that has just tightened the seatbelt of responsibilty securely around me. I guess I try to comfort myself saying that each problem is a hurdle just waiting to be overcome, and that God wouldn't have given it to me if He knows that I couldn't handle it. But honestly, what with the weight of all these pressing down hard on my shoudlers at the most convenient of times, He has me wishing to be a simpleton with an average intelligence whose only problem would be to find the root of 3 or something. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like being a frivolous girl, perhaps one whose only worry was about her looks or what to eat for her next meal. Simple worries that come with ignorance, but it is bliss.
Plus, you've got me thinking about alot of things lately too.
"Love isn't a feeling, like your reaction when someone is nice to you or someone behaves in a way that appeals to you. As if love is such a cheap and easy thing. Love is more in the mind, when you bother to think and think and figure out actions to do for the best of the persons you love."
-from the one who makes the most sense.
It's contradicting how Easter brings joy to Catholics, but only added stress and worry for me. I'm not sure if our proposal can even get through, and the looming timeline is embedded in my head. Thanks dear, for your note of encouragement hastily scribbled while I was emoing away. I'd try not to vent my pent up emotions, and if I really have to, only in the most constructive outlet. Sorry for frowning too much. Lol.
I had a lame moment on Monday with Jason. We were sitting near the koi pond in the canteen talking.
"Jason, you know in the pond, you will notice two koi always next to each other"
"Huh, how come?"
" Because, one of them is talking to his coy mistress"
"Omg, that was 10 seconds of my life gone"
(for the literally uninclined, To His Coy Mistress is actually a famous poem)
Argh, so much to catch up on, so litte time. I am NOT looking forward to next week, with my TWO (OMGWTH) Geog tests and mountains of work due. And I only have Sunday afternoon since Canteen's in the morning. ROIWRHOW.
Thanks for the advice and asking me to cheer up, I'm not sure if it's working for me, but it's nice to know you care.

ARGH. I'm sorry, reader. Apologies for the incohrence, I'm just rambling away my stream of consciousness.

So let's you and me, sit on those grandsteps shuffled smooth
and sneer at those who partake in mass pe
while we struggle to comprehend a love
that is far more tortorous.

And thus, the March hols draw loomingly and speedily to a close, signifying yet another unprodutive week and loads of moping around, thinking about a dim future.
Today was NUS Open House, which I guess was good enough reason to see me out of bed in the wee hours of the morning (normally considered inhumane on a weekend morning) and chugging along the EW line (I finished reading The Devil Wears Prada) to meet Ade at BV MRT. Stupid, I should have checked the website to have known that free shuttle was at DOVER instead. Nonetheless, we followed the crowd (as would any conforming Singaporean) to the bus which led us to the campus' sport hall and recreation centre. The exbihition was interesting and visually a banquet; I was much fascinated by the vibrant orange of Sheares Hall's booth and the equally sprightly students, who assured me that the stay in their hall was downright communal. I also liked the cutecute printed tees that I was oh so very tempted to get, but instead watched Ade get two of it. And in my favourite designs too. Of course, not forgetting the talks from FASS and Faculty of Science (which I have no luck of getting into) which spanned 2 hours and manymanymany slides. And I was told off (in that usual maternal way of hers haha) for not paying attention during my talk.Carol was right, I can actually empathise how overwhelmed she must have felt with the information overload when she visited the open house previously. Now that I'm aware of all the courses and modules being offered, I'm stuck in a dilemma over what I should actually pursue. Market value and interest are important weighing factors, not to mention the prospects of being able to stay in a hall and study abroad. WHOA, I am so not ready.
Open House would make a good socialising event, in fact I have my suspicions that it already is, on account of all the assortment of people that I bumped into, ranging from my alma mater to Combined Prefects' Camp, to council seniors and of course, home tutorial class seniors. Sadly, not all of them actually do recognise me, and I wasn't foolish enough to re-introduce myself because we just weren't very close to begin with. I saw Kathy too, actually I nearly walked into her what with my perpetual state of blur-dom. Ade and I had a "romantic date" under the luxurious canopy of a really huge tree (I fail to identity its species) with our earth-killing yellow styrofoam boxes of octopus/prawn/chicken balls. After which, it was an almost mission impossible trip to Bishan MRT and getting our subways, before taking a bus down to tuition. Lunch was hurriedly and unglamourously gobbled (I favour this word bcos I just remembered that she got cold cut trio) down at the bus stop. Then it was off for my little adventures with random variables(which turned out to be not so random after all), before heading home.
I was just glancing at the annoying antivirus software that flickers with the frequency of light on my tool bad, as it was running its little virus scan. If only life could be as simple as that. Warning: Your computer (life) is at risk, what do you want to do? Scroll down to options, 1) Fix it 2) Ignore it 3) Exclude it. Then click go, and voila! Problem resolved, and you get a little Nike swoosh of a tick on your toolbar proclaiming your clean status. So far, I've only been utilising one of that options in my life, maybe it's about time I stepped up.

"I will say you, you, like an old love song. You can mean more than one.
You can mean thousands.
I'm not in any immediate danger, I'll say to you.
I'll pretend you can hear me.
But it's no good because I know you can't."
Offred, Handmaid's Tale

Special time out day with Mommy dearest today(: Thanks Mom, you're the best, we really ought to spend more mother-daughter time together.
Went to catch The Leap Years today, upon my request and despite the fact that we already watched one movie just two days ago. Met her at PS today, and was nearly heartbroken because the tickets were selling fast. Don't really want to reveal much about the movie, except that I really enjoyed it. Who says there's no local talent? Grin. The movie's melancholic in a way, with subtle flashbacks that's a refreshing change from the usual melodramatic movies. Needless to say, February 29th is a reccurent feature on which the main character, Li Ann celebrates her birthday. Jeremy reminded me of Takeshi Kaneshiro, further fuelling my fetish for long haired dudes. Haha. Although I still think that she should have been with KS for his genuine and endearing warmth of a close companion, it was nonetheless a touching and heart-warming movie that proves that moving on is the last thing one needs to do when deeply in love. The Leap Years succeeds by leaps and bounds (:
Then we went to Daiso to walkwalk, and me looking for my going out bag. Shopping with my mother just further insinuated the fact that actually getting something is a near impossible task, since the asthetic inclinations of both of us are about as similiar as two thumbprints. In the end, I didn't get my bag but ended up with wild mushroom soup in a cup, tuition file, and a pair of socks. >.< Would have loved to linger, but my mother conveniently reminded me of the housework and cooking that needed to be done. Haha.
Gah, still working on the Easter project. Understatement: It's probably gonna be just a wee bit lame, when we're done brainstorming our ideas. Poor jelly.
And in a blink, March hols are gone. Sigh. The only time when I am not sleep-deprived and it flies past me in a super sonic jet plane. Meeting Ade for NUS Open House tmr, last time I talked to her was like during the CNY holidays. Sad, we are in the same school, yet I hardly see her.

What A Day.
Today I got tranported into 3 different worlds, one of street dance, one of the corporate world, and of course my beloved fictional Taiwanese royalty.
Family outing day! Went to J8 to catch Step Up 2, and boy the dance movie is totally awesome. Picture sleek yet attitude in-your-face street dance moves performed by the ghetto teenagers, in contrast to the snooty elitist director of the MSA. Can't say more, it's better with suspense, but the plot would have been better thicked with more insight into the troubles of ghetto life instead of just focusing on the competition. But enjoyed all the moves, and of course, shake the pom poms. Lol.
Corporate World: The Devil Wears Prada. Still at it, nearing the middle of the book already. And am shocked at the unreasonably demanding Miranda, with all her unexpected commands to the poor Andy. Hopefully can finish the novel by this week, and not at the expense of my work.
Romantic Princess: I am sadded): OH NO HE DOESN'T LIKE HER ANYMORE COS HE THOUGHT SHE WAS IN FOR THE MONEY ): Argh. I'm overreacting. But it does get me thinking. Like how Jin is always cool and aloof all the time. Maybe it's easier to emotionally detatch yourself from a situation. More often than not, I ask myself why I should even get angry or react. Is it really worth the effort, of letting your instigators know they've succeeded? But then again, it is a bad thing when you don't even let your loved ones know how much you really care for them. Guess this is why I feel distant and hostile half the time, especially in front of overemotional peers. Looks like I have alot to learn too.
I did this email test. And turns out I am Charlie Brown. I fall in love easily, and have many friends. I am loyal, and the type that calls my mom on Sundays. And the reminder was: Don't confuse passion with reality. How apt.

Have I mentioned how funny Jason is? He makes me laugh with his self-deluded notions of his superiority over me. It cracks me up just talking to him.

let me point out
Jason says:
at this moment in time
Jason says:
in History
Jason says:
1. I RULE OVER U BY VIRTUE OF MY STATURE, POSITION AND GOOD LOOKS
Jason says:
2. YOU SUBMIT TO MY GLORIOUS PRESENCE AND WISE AUTHORITY

Right.

Anw, just as expected, Monday is super unproductive. Went for CA mtg to discuss Lenten project until 2 plus, then headed home for lunch and napped for 3 hours! Zomg, such a sleep deprived child man. Is this accumulated from 01 and 02? I hope not. I need to get a revision time table SOON. Before reality sinks in like the Titanic. Something happened on my way home today that put an idiotic grin on my face and a lightbulb to my thoughts. But I won't elaborate. It's really trivial things like these that determine my mood. Unfortunately, happiness is short lived because of the Himalyas of laundry that needs to be ironed. Plus my newly borrowed books, begging and pleading with me to be read. I'm still watching Romantic Princess, btw. HAHA. Though I had to watch it haltingly because of the MSN conversations that popped up.

Note to self: Stay off chocolate donuts for this week. Must. Resist. Temptation.

UPDATE FOR THE WEEKEND! (:

Friday
Met up with Vidya, Nat and Aiming for breakfast at Macs at hub in the morning. Last to arrive, oops! Vid has a new look! Haha, and she looks nice too. Saw alot of cj people as well. Then walked over to the accesory place before Aiming and I sent them off at the busstop. Today was pretty uneventful I guess. Just went to the library to borrow a few chick lit novels, and was a bit disoriented by the new layout.

Saturday
Morning train ride to Boon Lay was madness. Seriously, I don't know how I'm gonna manage the frequents trips up and down to uni if I do graduate. Met Bhart at the station, and we waited for Kathy. Then we all took a bus down to NTU for the Econs seminar. It only started at 9 >.< We were actually told to report an hour earlier. And the funny thing was we didn't even register. Free rider problem! The seminar was pretty useful, had alot of speakers from different aspects of Economices, including love. Haha. Plus they had NTU Open House as well, so during our lunch break, we used some of the time to walk around the campus and collected alot of freebies, including this ginormour Tangs shopping bag with Her World magazine and free Zero Coke too! All I can say is, I bet half the people at NTU know my name by now. Lol. We were quite sad that the yoghurt booth closed when we came back after the seminar ended): So in the end, Bhart XR Kathy and I took the free shuttle service to Jurong East MRT. Then it was madrush for me back home to have a quick shower and an even quicker gobble of dinner before heading for Mustard Seed. Today's turnout was a turndown. Lol. Only 5 ): Carol wasn't happy at all. So our session was quite short; we ended at 859. LOL, private joke. Then off for some drinks at the usual coffeeshop where we played our classic game Guess Who. As usual, Lionel couldn't guess his character. For the umpteenth time. And we only played one round!): I was so sad, cos I actually had a even better character in mind for him. Ohwells, June camp. Hee.

Sunday
Woke up too late to go for morning mass. Hurr. Then went to watch this Taiwanese drama onlinet that I'm currently addicted to, it's officially my March holiday favourite pasttime! Calvin Chen is such a pretty eyecandy. Hehheh. Tuition later on in the afternoon, where I bumped into Eirene. Apparently, she takes tuition at Orchard. But the classsize is super big, 40 students. Good thing it's not disruptive, and the teacher has a sense of humour. But I'm a loyal girl, still stand by my Bishan teacher. Haha. I saw this cute watch at Somerset which hopefully I can buy. Then dashed back for evening mass, before steamboat dinner(:

So basically, that was my first ever time out and social life weekend after the CTs. Hopefully I can clock in enough revision time this week and be my superproductive best. Whee! I noticed this is the first ever emo-less post. Haha. My sprightliness is starting to annoy me already. Eek, not quite a little bundle of joy am I?

:D ( I'm guessing this is just a bout of self denial over CTs. CTs? What CTs? I can't hear you! LALALA)

Baby it don't matter,
Anyone can see the signs,
I caught you looking over,
With just a little bit of a smile,
You tell him that you love him,
While I'm running through your mind,'
Cos I know that you know,
Your cover will blow,
It's only a matter of time,

Why do you sanctify, Something that already died?

Obscure band, awesome head nod-worthy song.

CTS ARE OVEROVEROVER!(:
On one hand, I'm just glad the nightmare has been over what with all my major screw ups.
Econ: OMG I LOST 25 MARKS. )@#(($#($#!
Lit: Didn't complete Atwood
Geog: Essay questions were killer.
Math: Do I even have to spell it out?
I'm feeling like a complete buffoon over my state of unpreparedness. Never in my life have I sat for 4 tests in a row, anticipating only the worst or results in the form of a certain symmetrical alphabet.
At least my spirits were lifted by Jacq( Let it go, at least now you know you are never gonna repeat the same mistake) and mini class outing!(:
Although I was super held up by escorting my aunt to TTSH for her appt, arriving only at Orchard at 430pm, it was the only major booboo today (actually, no the Econ screw up was the first) Not forgetting the standard chartered marathon I took from Heeren then back to Wheelock. Aiming cheated me! HAHA. She told me the hot water located near our seats was for was washing hands. Can you imagine if I had believed her? >.<
I enjoyed Sakae Sushi with you girls!(: REALLY. Sorry for being late, and not catching XR. But it was super cosy with you people! We should really have more eleven time. Basically we just stuffed our entire faces full of sushi, watermelon slices and dainty mocca ice cream. Then we walkedwalkedwalked to burn away the calories, keeping our distance away from Kathy (hee). Afterwards, we just dropped by Robinsons(my idea, no prizes for guessing why) and looksee. Topics of conversation:
-Graduation Night
-Shopping(?!)
-Lingerie
-Dangers of jaywalking/or jayrunning in heavy traffic
Then we decided to go home since it was getting late, and I took the overcrowded train home with Aiming. Super squashy, I felt like a tinned can of sardines. Public transport during peak hour is nine years a killing.
MT results will be out tmr, good luck ppl! And jiayou to the Physics and Bio students. One more to go! Can't wait to meet you tmr, dear. Haven't seen you in ages!

Note how incoherent and amusingly random my train of thoughts are. Or rather, MRT of thoughts.

If the ice is hot, the snow has to be warm. It's not easy initiating the first move in friendship. I guess this is a sign for me to move out of my comfort zone( not that I haven't) and disapparate my reservations. Okay I'm just paranoid over the whole issue. Shoot me. I'm becoming a lemon tree - always wondering how and why.
Damn, I miss 02 already):
Been night studying this entire week, ending up being super shagged and dozing off during lessons - I just pray that the CTs will be over. I'm still amused by the social apathy of the students and the population even with a limping terrorist on the loose. Guess we are just living in our own little fishbowls. Quotes a certain minister, "They are all happy and content until you take away their jobs". How accurate.
I love night study(: Awesome study buddies -Toon, T Lo and ML. Super helpful when it comes to Math, at the expense of their own revision. Plus the snacking at the canteen table. Haha. Man, mugging makes you pile on the calories.
Today was social life day (wow I actually have one, unbeliavable) IG9 outing at Orchard! Turnout was poor, but we nonetheless had a blast with our cosy number at NYDC. False alarm raised when we thought we didn't have enough to pay the bill, thanks to Ryan's fanstastic Mathematical calculations. Haha. ODAC kills brain cells, I presume. I hope to see more of them at the next outing, which is tentatively next weekend(upon Ryan's not to subtle request to celebrate his birthday).
First tuition tryout today. Felt bad for letting Salameh wait, we arrived latelatelate for tuition. She's super good, but super fast too. In fact, she's starting on the last chapter of the syllabus next week before it's revision. Scary. I feel like I'm walking through a marsh pit with flippers on my feet. Hopefully, I can actually pass my Math for CTs, not to mention As. Tuition is good especially when you have Aiming (God bless her soul) to take the bus back with. Awfully good listener and full of sympathy. Adorably absent minded ( she overslept for her tuition today and lost her notes). And we were tricked by the cheap heartland bubble tea! Pirated flavours. Haha. Met Fish on the bus home. He's still super busy as ever, and by the looks of it, managing well. I wish I had his focus. Plus some ODAC vertical marathon tmr. Crazy CCA. But then again, comparable to 33rd.
Missed mass today plus meeting Van to get my HMT, but she was kind enough to leave it in St Francis(: Plus Katson's CDs.
On a random note, I finally developed my graduation night pictures. Yeah I know, super late, overdue by a year. Plus our sec 4 council farewell and my brother's b'day pictures too. Brought back alot of nostalgia.

I've finally decided ( I think) to keep everything at arm's length. Everything just gets so complicated when your emotions come into the picture. Just when you thought you finally had it sorted out. Nope. I want to stand by my decision ( despite the wavering bouts of indecision). Because honestly, starving hurts but hunger works when it costs too much to love. Fiona Apple couldn't have put it more aptly.

Come on CTs. Distract me.

Aiming
Beans
Carmen
Cereal Tossers
Deborah Faith
Hao Wen
Jacq
Joel
Marie
Ngee Derk
T Lo

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