A voice was heard in Ramah.

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Jocelyn A. Monique

is currently an undergraduate student, and coping with her ~~overwhelming~~ commitments. I like long walks in solitude, cosy chats, usually sleep like a log, and beg your patience in tolerating my versatile humour

Saturday, March 29, 2008

11:00 PM

Much ado about ALOT of things

Too tired to blog actually, but the need to copia verborum proves too strong to resist. It has been THE most exhausting week ever, in a mental sort of way. Nothing like the physical drain of 01 or the sheer madness of mass PE. Tiring because of the looming PTM (which turned out to be quite a let down from me today). Guess I'm quite disappointed in myself for producing "the worst ever results that you could have ever produced". Hopefully enrolling in tuition will not be as counter productive as my teacher suggested. Sigh. So this is the level of stress my peers in academically better JCs go through regularly. I wish time would stop like the blue clock in my classroom, just for me to get a breather. I'm just wheezing my way through my subjects, and my Geog marks worry me. Have I mentioned how anal studying Geog can be? I quote myself. Like, you need to:
1) Read your lectures
2) Make notes on your lectures
3) Do tut
4) Make notes on tut
5) Read extra readings
5) Make notes on readings
6) Make notes on notes
As if the sheer volume of all these isn't enough (100 pages of Hydro is NO joke), there's also the skills part, which let's just say, hasn't been on friendly terms with me. Such an unrewarding subject. But I guess that's life right. We work hard so as to be judged by an alphabet on our A level cert, we grow up and slog for an organisation which can easily replace us, and we never make time for ourselves or the ones around us. Excuse me for being so cynical and disillusioned with everything, but honestly it's been a hell of a ride this whole week. Really. What with all the issues at home which is like walking into a minefield, plus today's incident in church that has just tightened the seatbelt of responsibilty securely around me. I guess I try to comfort myself saying that each problem is a hurdle just waiting to be overcome, and that God wouldn't have given it to me if He knows that I couldn't handle it. But honestly, what with the weight of all these pressing down hard on my shoudlers at the most convenient of times, He has me wishing to be a simpleton with an average intelligence whose only problem would be to find the root of 3 or something. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like being a frivolous girl, perhaps one whose only worry was about her looks or what to eat for her next meal. Simple worries that come with ignorance, but it is bliss.
Plus, you've got me thinking about alot of things lately too.
"Love isn't a feeling, like your reaction when someone is nice to you or someone behaves in a way that appeals to you. As if love is such a cheap and easy thing. Love is more in the mind, when you bother to think and think and figure out actions to do for the best of the persons you love."
-from the one who makes the most sense.
It's contradicting how Easter brings joy to Catholics, but only added stress and worry for me. I'm not sure if our proposal can even get through, and the looming timeline is embedded in my head. Thanks dear, for your note of encouragement hastily scribbled while I was emoing away. I'd try not to vent my pent up emotions, and if I really have to, only in the most constructive outlet. Sorry for frowning too much. Lol.
I had a lame moment on Monday with Jason. We were sitting near the koi pond in the canteen talking.
"Jason, you know in the pond, you will notice two koi always next to each other"
"Huh, how come?"
" Because, one of them is talking to his coy mistress"
"Omg, that was 10 seconds of my life gone"
(for the literally uninclined, To His Coy Mistress is actually a famous poem)
Argh, so much to catch up on, so litte time. I am NOT looking forward to next week, with my TWO (OMGWTH) Geog tests and mountains of work due. And I only have Sunday afternoon since Canteen's in the morning. ROIWRHOW.
Thanks for the advice and asking me to cheer up, I'm not sure if it's working for me, but it's nice to know you care.

ARGH. I'm sorry, reader. Apologies for the incohrence, I'm just rambling away my stream of consciousness.

So let's you and me, sit on those grandsteps shuffled smooth
and sneer at those who partake in mass pe
while we struggle to comprehend a love
that is far more tortorous.

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