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is currently an undergraduate student, and coping with her overwhelming commitments. I like long walks in solitude, cosy chats, usually sleep like a log, and beg your patience in tolerating my versatile humour

Today was Math Paper, the beginning itself was already symbolic enough with my bus trip that enlightened me that
a) I had studied complex number for nothing
b) I was panicking
c) I was pretty much screwed
Plus BP's intimidating presence at the door silenced us into "chaos has come" mode, with Jacq's swearing and XR's flustering. The paper was okay I guess, I knew I couldn't manage section A simple due to my own undoing, so can't blame anyone. Tragedy=personal flaw that causes a disproportionate falling. Haha. After paper we went to Coro and had a mini class outing at the official lemon the chicken place with the usual suspects -Bengster, Hello Kathy, Seren, Deborahmona. Before we spotted Jacq at the loo so strategised a skillful ambush. FAILED ATTEMPT, judging by the amount of stares and annoyed passer-by and the toilet aunty. Haha. But we still scared her anyway. HEHEHE. Bought stuff for The Teachers, then went back to marvel at Jacq's mom's shop. Which gives you a very different era. Like stepping into a time machine in a good way. Cosy cosy doing the card with ALOT of koping from Jacq. Then went back to school with Kathy and ate the youghurt she was crazy about. Haha I had to PRY the dear girl from falling asleep on the canteen table. Then went to library to do the cards, before dinner. I have this affinity to spilling Noodle King everytime I eat >.< Night study was EMPTY. I could hear an echo everytime I coughed. Cough. Cough. Cough. Haha. Not too productive sadly, was waiting for the bell that signals SUPPER. Grins. We koped alot of the food like ravenous ravens.

Came home and talked to Fripps on the phone. Feels very therapeutic talking to her everytime (: Today I was initially quite upset over the matter but I think the letter plus talking to her cleared up alot of things la. Hope Fripps has a safe trip back to the Philipines -gosh I don't know how I'm gonna manage without talking to her for one whole week. I already felt so weird not attending tuition with her :/

Tmr I'm still quite undecided if I should go back to IJ, it's been eons sinceI went back but Fishy isn't free. Hmmm. PLUS nobody going back to UPTLC also, aiya, I think the teachers would have even forgotten I existed la.

Happy Belated To Deborahmona and Hello Kathy who haha-s at everything.

Thank you Fishy and Jason.

It's next week ): Damn this stress I feel so unprepared. >;( always burning out at the crucial times.
Went back to school to study. Fripps and ML (: Not too productive, didn't get to TNCs for Geog and didn't complete Econs essay. I'm starting to feel inadequate compared to the Goliaths who have been consistently oh-so-hardworking since the start of Time. Then lunch which was very haha time, and econs tuition thereafter with Fripps. The teacher was very funny to compare Avril Lavinge to a student mugging for the As- on account of her dark circles around her eye.
(omg i have four papers next week and I haven't COMPLETED revision)
Walk back to the bus stop was super hilarious as usual, it was raining kittens and puppies and we didn't have an umbrella, so we resorted to covering our heads with the school jackets all the way. She was quite apprehensive about attracting the wrong ethnic group and inviting pictures on Stomp.
(I haven't read volume 3 of GE yet)
I'm losing the will to stay focused and have been thinking about alot of totally unrelated things. Like these weird dreams I always have before tests. Only now its better since the home situation kinda improved, but still it's very tiring entering the liminal world after a whole day of school/study.
(I failed my Maths CA)
I wish I didn't work myself out in this mess, I like to think I moved on, I wish I really did :/ And night study is gonna make me FAT. Since we eat at unearthly hours and don't burn it off. Makes me wish I had the metabolism of Michael Phelps.
(instead of studying last night, I ended up on the phone for an hour with Fripps)
The only people I want to think of right now, is Maclaurins and Adam Smith. Oh please infuse my mind with your invisible hands of knowledge, through a consistent series.
Sigh, exams always give me stress through the multiplier effect.

Toon
Which qs are you doing?
Oh qs 6, the tourism one.
Oh okay, I'm doing the environment one. Yup have fun promoting tourism, your tour bus is here.
Crap, looks like tour has gone on without me, I shall lead my ecotour to help you protect the envt.
Oh sure, I'm looking adoringly (sarcasm) at you while you hold up the mile to address the environment. HAHA.
Haha on the left, trees. On the right, even more trees.
Wow, so inspiring.


Aiming
Hey Bengster, are you night studying tmr night after gang activities? (just a little joke between the two of us)
Haha omg. That's the ultimate! NO AHH, my gang activities last all day. But I can stay back lahh.
Of course. I understand. Yours is the most predominant here. Even got board of managers. But I'm honoured that bengster the chio can stay back. Cute pose.
Oh no! Typo. I can't, have to reach home early. Aiya don't need cute pose already.
Why your england so bad. Can't even spelly propely. It's okay I know behind every bengster is a filial dude. Vey macho. I like. Giggle.
Don't like that eh. I shy. Demure face. HAHA OMG we a bit puke-inducing eh.


Guin
Hey are you studying with your malay bf tmr? (Matthias)
Nope, the "malay bf" has got tuition.
Ok then can I, indian girlfriend, join you. Vat do you say. Sh don't tell him about our rendevous.
Haha you never fail to make me laugh. Yes yes your company will be appreciated.
Oh no no you don't understand, my company close at night. I is family girl, so no company. Chinese gf twotiming eh tsktsk.
Hey you said you is girl, i neh two time. I is straight ok. So are you gg to be my study kaki or not?
Well you is need ruler to measure straight. Only if he doesn't make rendang out of me.
He won't make rendang cos his dream is to make prata.
Nice one sister. Abang very proud.

So basically, studying with hello kathy in school amounted to....alot of talking, smsing random stuff, and only completing Mr Pang's essay. THAT'S ALL. Slap myself.

The ideal is not that vague thing, that boring and intangible dream floating on the ceilings of academies; an ideal is the invididual modified by the individual, rebuilt and restored by brush or chisel to the dazzling truth of its own essential harmony.
Boy, what an inspiring phrase.
Five things I want to say to five people:
1) Thanks for always being so concerned, watching out for me and following me along that awfully dark corridor to the toilet during earlier night study (:
2) Good luck for your ongoing prelims okay? And don't be too stressed about school stuff - take it easypeasy, bestie!
3) I really enjoy your phone calls, and yakking away til our irritated mothers tell us off. Like what you said, you are my human diary. Haha.
4)Don't be too upset about your grades. Sometimes I personally feel that it's unfair when industrious people like you don't have the grades to show it, but you inspire me in your never-say-die devotion. I guess you don't have facebook because well, your face is always in the book.
5) I'd give more than a penny for your thoughts.

Well, needless to say, my creativity level isn't exactly at its peak at this hour, so shall keep this concise. This week's been terribly exhausting mentally, only 9 days to the prelims and I do not want to be reminded either. Consultations in the morning, study breaks, break also study, tuition, after school h1 discussion, and of course, night study! Don't get me wrong, I'm not mugging my ass out like my image projects me to. Kaichuen for h1, Nat for maths during breaks, econs with fripps, etcetc. I only hope I don't tire myeslf out before the As.
I think one thing I really love about CJ, besides the family environment and genial nature of friends, is night study(: It's been pretty much an integral part of my life ever since j1, post-orientation and leading up to midyears. I've made friends with so many of my studybuddies mostly facils of course cos it defines my social circle. The tight table of four, hastily trying to beat the ticking clock, hurried whispers on impossible Maths, muffled giggles, and who can forget the heavenly Supper at 9, where hordes of well intentioned parents inflate the bellies of ravenous teenages with Junk Galore. Today was just another of those paradoxical days, when you feel so tired you get high on anything. A very comical misunderstanding arose over the scribbled note on my Math booklet, even made hilarious cos the person of mistaken identity unknowingly going along with it. Haha. Lovely end to the week I must say.

Why are you online so late?
Oh, no la, just drying my hair thats why.
Right. On the comp.
Well you'd be surprised how advanced technology is.

What Jocelyn Jockhim Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

This week started awesomely in school, with sweet Marie who presented me with a packet of the BEST FRUIT THAT BEATS DURIANS HANDS DOWN ANYDAY. Guava! (: Apparently it's from her guava tree and she remembered that I adore the fruit. Aww thanks!
Thursday was a pretty good day in school as well, one of those days when you feel that everything is just so perfect and inspiring. In other words you feel like a Romantic poet who falls in love with the first angsana tree he meets. Geog consultation in the morning, I was horribly late but I charmed Mrs Leong (or at least I hoped my efforts went unwasted) with my chrysanthemum tea.
"For you Mrs Leong, so that won't cry (chry)"
Class vibes felt positively humorous, with the NE quiz that kept us guessing propaganda national songs, a limping escaped criminal, and national icons. With Haowen and Thrisha's active participation, it was laugher moment 101. Followed by PE, where we had a vigourous game of basketball, girls against guys. It's needless to say who won, despite our insistence that they were banned from jumping to catch the ball. Coincidentely, it was also our last PE lesson for the year ): Which means that for the physically uninclined, we would never have anymore reason to actively pursue sports. "Nevermore", says the raven. PE was memorable, for obvious reasons (:
Econs consultation for half an hour, then sat with class (the guys joined us!) for hurried Noodle King. Break after in library with Poe. Econs lecture with the class guy sheepish for getting caught sneaking out. Then went home and fell asleep for 2 hours (slaps herself) before heading back to school at night for study session with Toon (: It was pretty stormy weather, almost as a projection of our inner aprehension which made the atmosphere super condusive. Albeit self-induced distractions such as the Fatooky reunion and gushing over the school tabby cat. Toilet trip was scary with Toon's helpful reminders of 7th month, but he was nice enough to accompany and pack my bag.
Today the walk to CCAB was super scenic and wellpaced. I am in LOVE with the old colonial bungalows that line Malcolm Road. I would simply love to reside in those houses, which look so quaint and mysterious with their black and white exterior, the long driveways and the antique Thai statues. Perfectly Gothic don't you think. Dance lady messed up her moves as usual at CCAB. Then lunched with the class girls at Macs, where we bumped into half of the meritocractic elite population of Singapore's JCs and secondary schools. Went back to school for chitchat with some of the 33rd, before tuition with Fripps. Super crowded omg. Just going back to my seat after break was like a mini ODAC skills expedition, with the Ribena in danger of landing in someone's lap, and the yam biscuits being squashed. To commemorate the Beijing Olympics today, I did hurdles over my seat, much to the amusement of some sniggering guys behind. A standing ovation would have been nice, but it's okay, I understand how claustrophobic the seating conditions were.
I'm still re-reading the letter you gave me.
As for you well, I'm still lost in translation.
I wish I may, I wish I might.

Oh yes, my fellow Singaporeans, who show their patriotism by indulging in the Robinsons Sales to boost the economy, Happy National Day. Enjoy your long weekend crowding up the CBD and heartland malls, refusing to give up your seat with your fanciful tissue packets and Filipino maids choping them, and shoving your way in public transport. You are an adorable and endearing bunch whose civility beats the Queen's ettiquette hands down anytime.

Her name is Mary.
She sat there, in the little plastic red chair in the sun, clutching a rosary in her arms. I walked up to her, the only familiar face around.
Hi Aunty Mary, how are we doing?
She smiled brightly, that silly toothless grin with a slight frown, trying to remember who I was.
Are you praying?
Oh no, just looking. Are you free now?
I think I am, Mary.
Shall we go for a walk? There's a church up there at the other end.
(I have only heard this a thousand times before, but I don't tell her. She'd probably forget again)
Oh okay.
She clutched my hands like a little child crossing a road, blatantly ignoring the sister's cries to come back. I hesitate, looking at the sister for assurance.
I don't like her, she's always nagging at me.
Oh okay.
The sister catches up, reminding me to bring her back after the walk.
Remember to bring her back, she's senile. She might forget her way.
We amble around to the other nursing home. It's amusing how a 78 year old can be so curious about her surroundings. Aunty Mary fiddles with the lock on the front gate, trying to get in. She forgets, or perhaps choses not to remember, that it's private property.
Shall we use the other side gate at the back?
I don't have a choice. I follow her. She walks over to the childrens' home, where the little girls are clearing up after their early breakfast. A girl looks at us, unsurprisingly hyper, jumps excitedly like an overwound Energizer bunny.
Be careful, dear. You might slip and fall.
I try not to laugh that it was Aunty Mary talking.
Can we go into the church, dear?
No I don't think so, Mary, it's an office.
But the mats say Welcome. That means I can go in , right?
I can't beat her reasonable logic.
Thankfully, the home guardian comes to my rescue and politely tells her that it's not a church.
Aunty Mary looked crestfallen.
I thought it's a church?
Oh no, that's on the other side. (which I had been personally telling her myself)
Let's go back then.
Oh okay.
I forgot the way, can you guide me back?
Sure.
We walk back in a comfortable silence, before she breaks into song:
Sing a song of sixpence,
pocket full of rye,
four and twenty blackbirds,
baked in a pie --
She stopped, looking at me expectantly.
I continue the remainder of the song, and she laughs.
She had forgotten the lyrics.

Her name is Mary.
I'd probably visit her again next week.

For those who attend morning mass on Fridays, I'm sure you get the title (:
Another tiring week, you'd think the absence of CCA would clear your time for revision, but of course there's now the consulations, enrichments (for the bestowed), remedial (for the not-so- bestowed) and of course extra classes, for teachers who just want to play it politically correct.

I had a little adventure of my own on Wednesday, in the morning. Missed out one hour of Think Career Day talks because of the appointment, and got cheated at the busstop because there was no straight bus to CJ. So I decided to walk the Chancery Lane way(seeing as how I've always entertained myself many an evening walking to Novena) to get back to school, minus the bus fare. The things I do to save 45cents. And I don't know whether it was the weather, the lack of direction (funny how it manifests itself physically now), or simply stupidity and bad luck on my part, I walked up the wrong turning. And found alot of unfamiliar houses with posh names. Almost panicked, but thank God for remembering banner names and other landmarks, walked up the correct lane back to the side gate. Only to find it was LOCKED. Wth. I honestly couldn't possibly see myself walking all the way to SJI and take a bus back to CJ (defeats the purpose) when voila, saw an experienced canteen aunty jump elegantly over the barrier from the main gate. We all know that imitation is the best form of praise, so I did my part by similarly crossing over the road barrier in as dignified a way as possible, an admirable feat given my bulky bagpack and jacket and wallet in my hand. Was awfully smug about it until I saw the drain. Which I totally didn't see due to parallex error from the road. Major skills came into practice here, Odac Kodak moment hoisting my bag across the drain and crossing it, before finally arriving at the main gate, albeit a litle flustered. Junior councillors looked pretty bemused. Trust me, the adventure was not. Funny.

I can't really say I found the talks useful, apart from the low pay and long working hours that journalism demands, that has led many to change their career paths. And Law? Haha, Jocelyn. Joke. All I know is that in order to succeed in this paper-chase society where your entire life is judged by an alphabet on your cert,
You're going to have do some darn well. Straight As. Oustanding CCA record. NYAA. External affliations. Carrying yourself well in front of complete strangers. Never say die cos you will die attitude.
----

You are really sweet(: I hope it works out for you better. Thanks for watching out for me.

On a reflective note, you know there's still a wee bit of silver lining in that cumulonimbus raincloud of a life when
1) for the first time in months, you come home and there's no more shouting matches
2) you don't realise you've been talking on the phone for 40 minutes with your friend
3)no more nasty nightmares

Thanks God, for cheering me up, even though I wouldn't call myself a true Catholic. I understand that adversities are a challenge from you waiting to be overcome, but I hope you realise that I've gotten more than my fair share already, and I'm reeling.
Indefinite sensations. I don't even know what I'm feeling, I don't even know what to feel anymore.

Aiming
Beans
Carmen
Cereal Tossers
Deborah Faith
Hao Wen
Jacq
Joel
Marie
Ngee Derk
T Lo

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