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is currently an undergraduate student, and coping with her overwhelming commitments. I like long walks in solitude, cosy chats, usually sleep like a log, and beg your patience in tolerating my versatile humour

Feeding time in the enclosure.


Let's try to make this post special, since it's the 150th one. Got to know my Econs and Geog results today, Econs was rather disappointing but I know that compared to my midyears I did do relavtively better. Geog was truly and honestly divine intervention because I have been re-reading the answer scheme and I am off tangent for ALOT of my physical answers, so I really think that He tried to pull me through it. I know that compared to some, my grades are what you would call average, or maybe even surpassing expectations, but it's still a blow to me. Because tuition is a major investment and I was hoping to see a higher rate of return. But I guess it's really up to the invididual himself (wow this is Poe speaking) and not societal influences that gets him where he is.
I know for a fact that certain academically bestowed intellectuals did abosutely well, and me relatively far off.
I know for instance, that the range for Math is as wide as the Gini coeficient in China, disparities galore.
I know right now too, that I'm still absolutely not happy with you, but I am still responsive.
Never in my life have I been so apprehensive about my results, that digits could determine my mood, affect my moodiness etc. I don't recall being this stressd about O levels. In fact I vaguely remember only mugging 4 days before the exams.
I came home to the usual mayhem today. Stupid vibes disrupt serenity.
And I got a Milo overdose last week from night study, so the ulcer on my mouth is making me pout like a spoilt brat. I can't even smile normally. Haha. Today I scared Mama Li with the white tarantula! Aha!

I'm sorry friend, for cutting you like that. I know you have something important to tell me. I'd listen to you the next time alright (:

I must thank CA and councillors present for the wonderful lunch gathering yesterday afternoon at the canteen extension. For being so kind and understanding when the waterworks came on, because of my disappointing grade. Thanks Clare for listening. Thanks Joel for the jelly. Thanks Frippiat and Audrey for the hug (: And Majella asked me a question which I couldn't answer.

Let's be objective. It's not about grades, but rather what they signify. It's ambitious to strive for the impossible, despite Adidas' claim, but hey. I should take it into my stride and work from here. Crucial period ahead, no more brooding over spilt milk. As for you, well, I have decided that it's completely pointless to be annoyed because it's not going to resolve anything. I just want to focus on the one and ultimate goal now, and I hope my emotions will not come in the way. Focus focus epicentre focus.

I went to the home in the morning. And was plesantly surprised that Mary still recognised me when I greeted her. She doesn't know my name, but she knows my face. Then we went for Novena where I bumped into Miss Ratulangi, my former English teacher (: From there, Jason Joshua and I headed for Jason's place. Lunched there, and watched mind numbing Spongebob before I headed for tuition. I feel quite sheepish for not attending UPTLC Night today, even with Radha's text :/

I'm watching a Tamil movie now called Kannathil Muthamittaal, translated to A Peck on the Cheek. Shot in war-torn Sri Lanka and contemporary India, on how this family breaks the news to their daughter on her ninth birthday that she was adopted from a freedom fighter in Sri Lanka. It focuses on the emotions and thoughts running through the girl, Amutha, and how she wants to find her biological mother - amidst Mani Rathnam's usual flashback pasts and gripping narratives.

I was just thinking - notice the word "lips"? When uttered, your lips come into contact with each other, as if in parallel to the physical process of kissing someone. And the word "part"- first the lips come together before they part as well. Since parting arises from a former meeting. And "crazy" -the eccentricity of the "z" consonance. Is that why Ah Bengs and Ah Lians often punctuate their lingo wih the alphabet- to show they too, deviate from conventions of society and are in nature crazy in some way or another?
So random.

Oh and thanks to Toon too for the remembering to bring pomelo twice this week.

I think it's the fact that I've always been trained since young never to show people that I'm angry and partly arising from the fact that I am highly non confrontational in nature. So I just end up bottling up my emotions and keep it to myself until I have a miniature Mount Vesuvius in the privacy of my bed or the toilet. Okay, the problem with me is that

I can never show people I am angry.

Especially to the person involved. Yeah I know it sucks. I just end up telling a whole bunch of irrelevant people, without attacking the crux of the issue itself. Then the person comes along and I act as though I wasn't affected, everything's fine, blah blah. I think I should listen to ML's advice that day,

"You should let the person know you are pissed/angry/upset. If not the person will think that nothing is wrong and just climb all over you"

Sighhh. It's sickening how my careful grudge simply dissolves away when you come along. I am treading the fine line between ego and self-respect now.

Rantings aside, today was uh, quite hilarious during lunch with the class.
Haowen: Yoghurt is spoilt milk! And pickles are spoilt vegetables! Kids, just learn to accept it!
Haha, she is so funny seriously. But when I was young that I likewise used to think that the dairy products evolved from an order of spoilt-ness as well i.e.
Butter --> Cheese -->Milk --> Yoghurt , whereby the arrow represents the fermentation/decomposing process. And I was so proud that I could establish a connection. Maybe this is why I'm so not proficient at Hydrology, because of my incoherent linkages!

I'm quite apprehensive about my Math results which I will know tomorrow. The serenity prayer is running through my mind, amidst the awareness of Toon and Slacker who texted me their A/B grades today :S Lit intrepretations a bit wobbly, Geography is way off tangent, and Econ is unsalvagable.

Okay I'm feeling drowsy from Night Study, which was not quite productive today with Fripps; the Milo has a rather sedative effect and I suspect the cake was drugged. It is a conspiracy from the Parent Support Group so that we would be less nocturnal in our activities and restore our biological clock.

Are you there, God? It's me Jocelyn.

Today I realised, after all the checking of answers and essays, that I haven't fared very well for Prelims. I guess Brand's Chicken Essence is only useful in giving me an ulcer and nothing more.
Today I realised, that The Clan is probably not going for GN - so that means that I probably won't go either, cos the whole point of attending GN is to be with your friends. Plus I guess my mother wasn't exactly keen on me going. After all it's not just about the upfront money, there's also the outfit, the hair, the makeup, the heels, the accesories, and the transport to and fro. Sighh, if only it wasn't so expensive.
Today I realised, that the problem with both of us is that we are way too accomodating for our own good. Because we both don't know when to say no, as we don't want to hurt others' feelings. Trouble is, I don't like being a back up plan. And I hope you don't have to find out in the wrong way too - because I don't like people getting angry. I hate how I find it hard to even tell you how exactly I feel about the whole issue - but I start blurting out and complaining to my friends. Guilty guilty. I know I may sound petty and paranoid, despite the fact that you already made it clear what was going on. But I find it hard to accept when your entire plans revolve around your other friend(s). Hey, I'm your friend too you know. And I always oblige you. So why can't you do the same for me?
Today I realised, that two of my good buddies are going through inner turmoil as well from communication problems mostly, and I'm at a loss.
Today I realised, that sometimes, effort doesn't equate to a favourable outcome. I would like to bury myself in your shoulder and cry for no reason.

Okay, I'm supposed to be headed for church and after that replacement tuition after this so shall try to cram my weekend into this post.
Friday was FUNFUNFUN! (: As you probably predicted correctly, studying was NOT on the cards when I met Fripps and Mama Li (Her cool African-American name hehe) in school. First, we ate. Then, we talked. Prank called Justin (use my phone and my name somemore!). And I was peer pressurized into going for Andrew's surprise. Ended up listening to ALOT of mainstream songs blasting on Mama Li's phone. And yes, brainwashed into signing up for DANCE CLASSES with the duo (!!?!?!) next year. Gosh, talking to both of them makes time flyyy. Around 3 plus, we headed for j8 to walkwalk around and find a present for Andrew and who would have guessed, bumped into half of t16 and the council/facil crowd at Action City. Haha. And I was very sad that the ohsocute ELMO balloon was reserved at the other shop! ): Then met half of CJ at the busstop before walking over to his place, the whole bunch of us. Surprise was quite well executed, I mean it's not easy to have over 20 people crammed into a living room without the birthday boy knowing and having party poppers in our hands, ready for The Moment. Then the mom called out his name and he came rushing out, where we shouted HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREW!!! And yeah, he was quite dumbfounded. Hahaha.

Saturday - I overslept and missed going for CIP!!): I was in la la land until Jason called me and I was mumbling on the phone before realising that it 923 and I was supposed to be there at 8! ): Aiya, I think I psychologically forgot to remind myself because I was too tired the night before. And because I overslept, I had to miss lunch at his place as well, which I was looking forward to. Sigh. So I just went for tuiton straight, and came back to go for MUSTARD SEED (: After a million years. And I was quite surprised at the number of new members who joined us, they are so enthu and willing and look like the committed type. Now we have like godknowshow many Marks/Marcs and Lionels and Ryans and Shawn/Sean. Haha, thank goodness the girls have better diffrentiated names. And omg, the retreat is going to be in Pulau Ubin (?!?!) Quite exciting actually, but the fact that it's away from Singapore freaks me out in case we have an emergency (which I HOPE we don't). And its from 5-7 December, and the next day is my birthday! Gosh, I hope the week isn't going to be crazy, if I'm not wrong Grad Night is that week as well.

Happy 31st Birthday to Lester today!

Ohoh and go watch the Lindy Hop routine by Hellzapopping on youtube-it's actually those Old English flicks where they have this AMAZING dance. It's a course offered by Jitterbugs Swingapore as well!

Yesterday was Class Lunch at Vivo! (:
Turned out I needn't even have googled the eateries there, since we didn't have the dim sum lunch nor the restaurant which I pointed out because there was a better offer. Bus ride took 45 minutes! ): Sigh, I really need to consider riding the MRT, especially when it's Harbourfront so far away from my civilisation. There was er, a very articulate lady on the bus who made me feel like I tuned into a radio station all the way from Chinatown. And this old man in front of me, gruffily looked behind and put his arms up in exasperation,
"Aiya! NON STOP la you!"
Haha. But okay back to the actual lunch. It was the usual suspects - XR, Hello Kathy, Bengster, Natalie - and we lunched at Terra Cafe, which had quite value-for-money meals. I attacked my roast chicken for at least 20 minutes before I gave up. Then we shopped hopped quite a bit (I thought the sales assistant at River Island was quite nice even though we weren't gonna buy anything) and Natalie had an affinity with the toilet. Because of her previous affinity with 1000 glasses of water. Had a scent spree as well, testing out all the new Parfums (snotty French accent) and according to XR, I irritated the Estee Lauder lady but okay I didn't notice. And yes to quote Bengster, we had thick-skinnned activity of mooncake tasting at the foyer. Where Miss Majella Tay surprised me, because she was there with her classmates. Haha. Mooncakes are so pretty and nice to eat! (: Then we weaved in and out of shops ( I like the monochrome shop, self-titled by Hello Kathy) before stopping at Gloria Jeans Coffee (looks coyly at a certain classmate) for their special priced coffees. We made THREE TRIPS for the caramel haha. Then we went home, which took me another 45 minutes on the 145 which gave me a Comprehensive Singapore Tour la. Oh I hope to kope the pictures we bluetoothed over from the Samsung store! (as you can see, our fun moments are FOC)
Ma told me that Nancy Aunty's mother had passed away in the day, which I think she was quite upset by because they have known each other since they were working :/ But aiya, better to rest peacefully in heaven than to suffer so long on earth right. RIP to her dear soul.
I'm going to school soon to study with Fripps and Carmen, and No I'm not Hardcore it was their idea and anyway if I'm at home I will just rot to death.
But first, I shall fold my origami nuns. Heehee.

OMG PRELIMS ARE FINALLY OVER-R-R. After all those weeks of trying not to be distracted, no TV, no talking on the phone, no church group. FINALLY, LIBERATION! I'm not saying Math was easy peasy. On the contrary, I was utterly disappointed with the @*(@$&@ complex numbers, which like hello I totally studied for OKAY and what were they thinking having 2 complex number qs! (breathe in breathe out).
So I decided to celebrate my freedom by being a total loner, and going to the National Library (!). Natalie was very helpful, I don't even know which buses I boarded but she got me there, plus crammed her Popular Card into my hand despite my protests (cheaper cheaper!). And silly me, I walked the whole of Singapore before realising that I was nowhere near the NLB but instead nearing Little India. Walked around aimlessly at Brash Basar Complex, which used to be my favourite childhood place. Because of all the stationery and second hand books. Yeah okay, I'm a freak cos I really like being around books if you have an issue with that give it to me and I'll publish it for you. Somehow I just feel so contented surrounded by piles of unwanted books, and the excitement you get when you spot/dig up some old paperback which is in fact highly sought after. Like OMG, they were selling The Purpose Driven Life for $2. Sometimes I feel so sad for the authors, after all each literary work is a piece of art and to sell it like that on some forlorn rack is quite upsetting. For me. I hope heaven has alot of books for me to read. And guava. Yeah that would be nice. Nice crunchy guava.
NLB gave me a workout, from climbing up 11 storeys and wondering why it was all reference books before I wisely tried the elvator (it had open views!) down to the basement, where the CLB was. Due to only bus concessions, I took like 45 minutes on bus, and there was a really cute baby who held me finger on the bus (: Reached home and watched TV and I'm quite thankful to God who answered my prayer by giving me an awesome day today to make up for the horrible night.
Tonight was simply awesome because I managed to catch up with all my favourite friends (:
Toon and Fripps who texted me at almost the same time, PLUS Fishy and Vidya who were online <3
I'm looking forward to class lunch and folding my origami nuns tomorrow! (:
I feel so ridiculously happy. Someone please tell me it would last.

Tell me something about yourself.
Your favourite music,
what you'd miss about college life,
or even how you are feeling right now.

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(and don't worry, I cannot even be half bothered to check IP addresses )

Happy belated birthday to Valerie! (:

Now that her birthday is gone and past, can finally blog about the little adventure we had trying to deliver her present. So yeah after Econ tuition I met Toon at Macs to do the card. It was quite funny, cos to think that I actually walked in and out, talked to my mom on the phone outside, when he said he was already inside, which got me super confused. But okay fine, he was standing outside talking to his friend. About physics. No comments here. Newton's Third Law: Every action has a complete and opposite reaction.

We sensed that Monday's incident of being kicked out of Macs (okay not physically but we had it coming, seeing as how we didn't buy anything and were hogging the tables) was in the recurrent so went outside Koufu to write on the card. Which was erm, very colourful. Because he bought it. Again, no comments. Then msged Val with fingers crossed, but oh no, she wasn't at home! ): Studying outside, so I managed to confirm her address (on the pretense of updating my contact list) and walked over to her place. Contrary to our beliefs, the security guard was actually more than happy to allow us in waawaa. So we went over to her mailbox and slotted in the present and the card. Mission accomplished (:

"Eh what if the security guard tells her that you dropped by here? It's meant to be a surprise le"
"Omg, then she'd think that I'm stalking her, like one of those perverts! Gosh."
Hahaha.

Yup then bought fries for my brother and went home to read about the Noble Savage and Filipino Handmaids (haha).

Holidays were mostly (okay totally) burnt studying in school with a number of people, so thank you thank you (imitates Mr Billy imitating Obama)
Kathy and Bengster - for clan activities aka studying and dinner-ing on Wed!
Kathy - for basically studying on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wed. ANG Ku Kueh!
Valerie and Toon - for joining us on Monday and for her toot moments, including wetting her Chem notes in the toilet and using the dryer

The JB trip was rejuvanating i guess, now I don't feel like studying after using the sauna and suntanning and walking around malls aimlessly. And the food! BLAH. Lit was atrociouszxz. Omg confirm screwed, wth is trangressions?! Aah.

2 more papers! (: Looking forward to dimsum outing yeahhh.

After almost a 2 year hiatus, Friend A came online. This was much to the amazement of Friend B who immediately mentioned it to me, aware of my ignorance of people signing in. Since we have all been quite accquainted in the past, I suggested we should have a catch up with Friend A. So we did. And fell flat on our faces. Because Friend A was rather uncommunicative, and offered monosyallbic responses to our queries. Perhaps we should give Friend A the benefit of the doubt, for Friend A is having a rough time. Friend B also suggested, that some people are far more responsive in person than online. But nonetheless, it would have been better if our well-placed intentions were reciprocated.

Bottomline: I am spending wayyyy too much time online. Thanks for pointing it out Jacq.

Aiming
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Carmen
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Jacq
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