A voice was heard in Ramah.

profile /} e.n.t.r.i.e.s *affiliates -miscellaneous

drop a crochet note

This cat is HDB approved.

Jocelyn A. Monique

is currently an undergraduate student, and coping with her ~~overwhelming~~ commitments. I like long walks in solitude, cosy chats, usually sleep like a log, and beg your patience in tolerating my versatile humour

Denial, Forgiveness and Late Phone Calls.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

11:41 PM

Tomorrow will be Graduation Day - the day when we are no longer officially 18 year old toilet-blue uniform clad CJCians who are well known for their friendly hospitalibility and lack of urgency. Instead we will be A level Candidates, our identities boiled down to a mere index number, our lives judged by a grade, a 3 hour paper which requires the finest of thought, best of concentration and fluently articulated answers.

I'm not sure I can learn to accept this.

As though God was aiming for me to have some closure to my life that was currently, as a Tamil idiom describes it, a boat without an oar, today was filled with little symbolisms, lessons, and sinceity of deeds that made me thankful for what I have. My mom exclaimed at the sunrise today, which was ala Great Expectations mist-style( as Natalie put it), complete with the dewy effect and the diffused rays of orange sunlight. I wasn't late for school, after my late encounter yesterday - and the classroom was open. I feel very guilty for misplacing the tag, much more when I heard from Arthur that Ruben's had suffered an equal fate - no wonder so much of confusion and aggravated tension.

Morning assembly prayer was symbolically on Forgiveness by the docile Shan and dead pan Matthias which seemed to be rather, a direct call from God. I know not everyone is at the best of attention during assembly, but the prayer just seemed to speak volumes to me. I guess because of the very fact that I had been disappointed in the people whom I had considered my friends. Instead of brooding and being self-destructive because of issues related to them, maybe it's more sensible to accept them for their mistakes, and at best, master tact and honestly in talking to them. This term I learnt that you actually help a friend when you tell him/her the things that they don't want to hear. And if you have no courage, then get another friends to do so.

Felt rather pensive and distracted during lessons today, influx of messages coming in regarding birthdays and ponning of lessons/school and night study. Lit lecture was rather a spectable (pun pun) with Mr Glasgow donning geek specs for the amusement of T13, who dared him to please the students.

Then after school, our class rushed to complete the box. And Frippiat and I rushed for tuition. Which was rather CJ dominated today yayyay - and we laughed alot over the most ridiculous absurd things today. Which got us looks and stares :/ Then chionged back to school to shower 10 minutes before night study started. This marked the start of the drama:

You finally knew why I was angry. And you were really apologetic about it, having found out from ____ (whom omg, security breach of trust) and you knew you acted like a ___. I was completely flabbergasted and at a total loss for words -because uh I guess I wasn't that mad anymore so it was totally unexpected.

Hao Wen's hilarious reply to my initial "What's the plan for tmr?"
"I DON'T KNOW THAT WHY I KEEP SHOUTING IN CLASS TODAY. You know that everytime you shout you burst a few blood vessels and lose a few minutes of you life!"
But then again, by not shouting and bottling up your emotions, don't you also lose your years - because of the stress of the represssed feelings that you never voiced out?

Last Night Study Break today - Brother personally came down to thank them and presented them with the card before we attacked the banquet: noodles, egg tarts, nuggets, homemade pizza slices, fruits and Milo (: Sitting with the councillor/facil group is heart warmingly noisy and hilarious, yet today sitting with the class peeps was just as cosy as well.

Justin took an unglam photo of me in the final moments leading up to 10pm - with Kathy in it I suppose. Completely unaware until I had a creeping suspicion as to why Gab was very unusally angled away from her seat at the table in front of us. I was poring over the thesaurus so I suppose my only consolation was that I must have carried an intellectual poise (I HOPE).

When I finally got home, I ended up on the phone with Miss HahaLady for half an hour talking, giggling and suanning each other. And just got peer pressured into attending Joel's rosary sessoion tomorrow. Right after class outing, which I pray will be a success.

I think I should thank God today, that despite the fact that I've been neglecting him and losing my faith these days because of the helpnessness of my situation, he blesses me with the most inspirational of friendships that seek to empower me. I thank him for the countless night study sessions that I've attended and the buddies who always help me in Math/Econ - Meil Ling, Kathy, Frippiat, Andrew(once), Guin, Jacq and many many people -and the acquaintances whose mere presence alone is simply enough to be motivation. Thank you parents for the food, that I do not go hungry on the day I skip dinner and the warm Milo. The compound's tabby cat which amused me. The grumpy security guard who thinks that I "make life difficult for him". The intimidating presence of Brother in his towering frame and white robes who stares you into productivity. And of course the enjoyable walks back home - Carmen the Tarantula!

I'm afraid that I will be a complete bawling mess tomorrow, lettting the damwaters break at corny sentimental memories. I must be strong, I must presevere, knowing that this is not the end but another start, I must believe in myself and in others, I must live up to expectations mostly mine,

I must, most unfortunately graduate, with a heavy heart.

the usual suspects

Aiming
Beans
Carmen
Cereal Tossers
Deborah Faith
Hao Wen
Jacq
Joel
Marie
Ngee Derk
T Lo