A voice was heard in Ramah.

This cat is HDB approved.

Love, save the empty.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

11:33 PM

Regrets, nostagia, crossroads and commitments are making me dizzy wheezy. Managed to finish Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult, gotcha annoying Picoult fan who stole my book which I wanted to renew, now I finally know the ending. Boy, I guess I was predicting it in some way but never thought that the culprit would turn out that way. Goes to show the decisions that some people are subject to arising from the bonds of family. My intrigue with the Amish lifestyle has been fuelled further, first book was sometime in secondary school about some romance.
Am currently reading Brick Lane by Monica Ali, right now it's quite boring haha because the Indian wife hasn't started her affair oh my scandalous(!), but given the fact that she's married to someone years older and worlds apart, well I'm not going to judge her myself. It's a bit tragic at the moment because her first born son just died in the hospital, and if you are Indian you know how important Sons are, let alone first borns.
Wednesday was Ash Mass in CJ, glad to finally attend mass back in my wonderful school with CA peeps - despite being late for work because I did not use the sidegate. Work's improving by bits and pieces as well, PJ's really super helpful with my panic mode whenever I put them on hold. Lunching and walking with Aru is great too, I am officially her tour guide to the North and the malls around haha.
Saturday was an awesome compensation for my bleak Friday, with the SOW at St Ignatius. Don't we just adore CA company - Jason's lost weight, Joel looks tough, Audrey and Fuellers, Matt and Guin, and saw Joshua from CIP too! Gosh its been long. Sessions were great, really felt like I was talking to God for real through prayer (: Rainy rainy night ride home, super hungry too.

This week has been pretty reflective for me, just in time for Lent you say. Well firstly I thought about self indulgence and how, er consumeristic I tend to be getting. 2 purchases in 2 weeks, my my is this my Doppelganger Shopaholic Self? Idk. Well of course I justify that because they were needs and not wants. But wants can become needs can't they? If you want someone won't you feel like you need the person haha. Even Jason pointed it out, my new image-conscious self. But if you look at it from another angle, doesn't looking good entail to feeling good too? The same reason I feel when I go for a run, even though I'm huffing and puffing like the Wolf from the 3 Little Three Pigs, and I get all sore and exhausted after that, but I do know that I have benefitted in some way or another. Don't NS peeps feel good when they've shed the extra pounds? It all works by the same logic I think.

I also thought about crossroads, what happens when a single event can become a life-defining moment for so many of us this week probably. That the little slip of paper, probably A4 and laminated, having passed through your school, your teachers and finally you - could determine the next turn in the road for you. And I comfort myself saying that no matter what path you take, it leads you back to God or at least, a road of self-discovery and elevation of the Soul. And then I thought of Jac, and how she used to poke fun of my surname: Joke-him. Which made me sad for awhile, but then hey she's happier right, with Mr Anthony and all the other lovely people I've known.

Talking to old favourite friends made me realise two things: that one, I still have a few regrets even up to this point in time, although I have consciously made the effort to embrace Change like Mr Obama. Because Joce here is afraid of taking the deep plunge into the Unknown, of laying it out all like earnest Gigi:
"At least I know I was one step closer to it"
Maybe I am, and I just don't know it.
Gah I think work is messing with my nerves again.