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is currently an undergraduate student, and coping with her overwhelming commitments. I like long walks in solitude, cosy chats, usually sleep like a log, and beg your patience in tolerating my versatile humour

It's that indescribable feeling, that instantenous connection, the confluence of two minds on a common topic. The flash of a smile, the friendly wave, to the boy seated at the lonely corner pretending to be absorbed in his books. To watch him, bagpack as companion, tread the steps a solitary figure, the wish for outreach. To break the ice, crack the cold slippery surface to the crystalline waters below - a joyous greeting, crooked teeth awkward arms heavy bag.

To transcend that barier of self-sufficient suppposedness, the facade of cool beneath which a lost child yearns for easy conversations. Memory flashbacks of the tiny frame pushed around by sneering schoolmates, distant laughs and collision of time.

Back.

Back to now, here the present. Approach gentle calm like the breeze.

Hi.

Today I caught up with an old friend whom I have neglected since A levels, and he mentioned how I'm still the same cheerful cold jokes person over the phone. Somehow, everyone says I haven't changed one bit - Shan said that when I told her about my laptop called Harry Potter (HP), JC classmates think I'm still forgetful and lose my things like Little Bo Peep, and now old friend too.
Maybe, change is a good thing too. Everyone's changing these days anyway.
I liked today's sermon mit was fiery and emotional and on What Makes A Christian Christian. Whenever I listen to anything religious nowadays I feel like I'm listening to it from two perspectives - one being the HolyMoley Yes Yes This Is Good I should do it more often, but then the other part of me stands detached and says, Religion is just another opiate of the masses. I'm such a hypocrite sometimes.

Shrug. I saw a really hot and toned girl yesterday btw, I feel motivated to exercise now aha.

This is Jocelyn. See Jocelyn Run. Run, run, Jocelyn. Run, as fast as you can.

This week was a race in itself, onslaught of old deadlines and creeping in of the new assignments. Uni, thy name is Crazy. Basically was burnt on driving, going to school early on a late day, staying back during early days, screwing up my eating habits again. Ushering was pretty interesting I got to see Najip Ali in person but I'm so sad because nobody else was as excitable as I was. But I'm always so excitable hmm. I had a truckload of halal food after the event I was so happy I even offered the taxi uncle one but he refused and in the end charged me a few cents less haha. I also gave it to the tutee's mom but then now I realise maybe she's vegetarian and can't consume it smackhead gosh.

Last PS tutorial I was kinda sad, because I was finally warming up to the girls in class and starting to open my mouth - well good times do come to an end. Tuts are getting more cozy because you start seeing people around school but of course nothing beats the CJ feeling of really truly knowing the person you waved at. Lit is insane, I can't keep up with the readings and they always give essays at such short notice and the books are always on loan HMPH.

I was feeling rather unholy because I had to skip a few sessions and I didn't get to Fuel either. Thank goodness God was nice to me today, after I ran my first 10km marathon SO PROUD OF MYSELF AND THE OG. (: Of course I chose to be malas and walked so much haha, but now I still can feel the heat emanating from my legs it's almost as if I just did Thaipusam fire walking.
I'm getting quite overwhelmed seeing all the inbox flooded with Advent Things To Do - I hope God stands by me and shows the way for a lost sheep like myself.

Looking forward to a hopefully less hectic week with some overdue meetups and well deserved rest - projeks go away!





It's quite amazing how people can still annoy the hell out of you, latitudes and time differences aside. Guess some things never change. I know you read my blog, you just pretend not to - so what I'm saying is that, you should learn how to draw the line at this thing called invasion of privacy. I think it's really annoying when you say it wouldn't hurt to confide in you, when right after that you just start spewing your mouth out at your profound discoveries. And to think you don't really like people when they are childish, well have you looked in the mirror lately? >:

This week was a Kate Perry music video - hot and cold, yes and no. Suffered my second mini heartbreak in a week, slept at insane timings discussing all the endless projects that are giving me an early grave, getting scolded by an eleven year old, almost kena cheated by a tuttee. On the happy side, plenty of birthday celebrations this week. Insecurities aplenty, I honestly feel stupid and I wish God wouldn't trust me so much because he tests me so many times I feel like giving up. I am not Job. Life gets a bit bearable with a little help from my friends, Beatles you speak so much truth - OG sightings, CSS heart-felt reflections and latenight phonecalls keep me sane from this ridiculous ratrace.

I was completely exhausted on Friday when I ended, I didn't even have the energy to attend Fuel/CSSMass - just went home and slept like a log ( honestly, how did this expression come about) before starting on some work. Saturday morning brought a little smile to my face - went to get the goodie bag at the Flyer before meeting the dearies Foo and Marie for our lunch at Tully's (: and I nearly left my goodie bag there. SO FORGETFUL! This week left my cards in school overnight and didn't realise until this girl emailed me that she found them omg I nearly died.

I'm so sedated right now - Deepavali could have been more hyped up, CableTV would have helped greatly I don't even feel any festivity. However I just watched Ghajini in Hindi and it is waay better than the Tamil one, partly because I'm biased towards Amir <3. Heh Heh.

I'm wearing my newly bought crucifix now, and it makes me feel holy I'm so superficial :/ I hope God points out the way for me in this uncertainty. You know, the bible say to cast all your weary burdens unto Him and not to worry, but I wonder whether anyone thinks that it is quite mean to keep loading all your troubles unto your God. I understand he's an almighty all-powerful guy but I really find this mean and inconsiderate. I'm sure his inbox is flooded with constant spamming about material needs and whines. Would you want to always keep troubling your friend with your never ceasing problems? I guess that is why God helps those who help themselves, maybe it's a nice little reward for making the attempt to solve things out on your own and then entrust to him. Then again, should we alternatively be entirely submissive to Will?

I have no idea why I'm blogging when I have a duckload of work to do it's crazy. Papers due and a Malay blog, test and skit coming right up. I really hope the guy friends can join us soon in uni, I'm such an antisocial hermit. Bah.

Reasons why my stomach deserves a poor ol' apology:
1) I spammed on tea this week. For reasons unknown or of convenience, I just downed copious amounts of lemon tea (at Superdog), kiwi milk tea (disgusting please don't ever ever go there), peach tea twice in school before ushering and last night after Rosary at Fran's place.

2) In tandem, the irregularity of my meals in which I tended to skip lunch after school and only have dinner because I was lazy and I had to rush for tutoring. And the day of ushering I lunched at 10am, after which I didn't eat anything except some peanuts right before the peformance started. So by the time I got back home I had dinner it was about 11.

3) The culmination of which my stomach finally went on strike was thus on Wednesday, right after comm meeting because I had not eaten for like 7 hours in a row. So when I was shuttling back, had a major GASTRIC ATTACK. BLAH. Naturally I had a Lecture ER110o1E (Eating Right Exposure module) from my parents at home, and I could only down milk.

However, I am proud to say that I am feeling much better now (: I ate alot of food yesterday right after my famine tendencies - dairy breakfast (by my insistent dad who bought it so that I would stop skipping meals), savourybites from J8, lunch, potato chips, dinner, blueberry muffins at Fran's with rose syrup, and BUBBLE TEA <3

Btw, 500 Days of Summer is the best shit ever (((: I liked it because it was off-beat, very indie movie video-ish, had splashes of witty dialogue, and a very refreshing ending (: GO WATCH!

As for the Incident on Thursday night, thanks to the people I spoke to for cheering me up even though I was an emotional wreck ZZZZ.

I think I'm so screwed for EL Midterms really killed me. Projects and Essays, here comes me.

A tiny silohuette arches lazily on the top of the red brick wall, away from the glaring heat of the sun. The cat swats a fly over, slightly perturbed by its interruption to its pristine schedule of self-cleaning time.
Shuffleshuffle nervousglanceatwatch ticktocktockgoestheclock hurriedfootsteps hurtledownthestairs trainapproaching dashthroughgantry pushshovecursegaspmakewaybreathe doorsclosing.
The cat yawns. Stretching itself the length of the wall, it practises its steely gaze upon the traffic light that stands erect, the staff of modern day Moses that parts the sea of commuters.
Impatienttappingoffeet beepbeepbeepirritatingringtone growingqueueforthedailynewspaper ticktockticktock honkhonkyellowcabwhizzesby screechhalttoastop.
Green man.
They dash across the road junction, as if it were Thaipusam and treading the walk of fire. Annoyed by the homeless wheelchair bound imploring for sales of tissue paper, handy for the choping of hawker centre seats at lunchtime. They dash; faceless commuters brimming with purpose for the day, 9-5 of productive contribution and greasing the gears that shape the Economy. Hurried exchanges of rapid business confirmations, reaffirmations of the Kok&Huat deal, stockexchangenogoodnogood what the hell was Steven thinking. Distractions by beeping gadgets screaming for attention. They stop.
Red man.
The cat rolls over, indifferent.

I can't believe I just had a major panic attack. It was so bad that I just cried suddenly. Fretting over STUPID work. ): As always grateful to everyone who asked me to calm down. Why can't I just let God take control? Why must I always be so unnerved by everything >:
Advent. Uncertainty.
EL next week.
PS essay tmr.
EL homework undone.

I met my DB senior today. I almost didn't recnognise her - until I saw the tan. I feel so sad now, because I ran away when I told myself that I wanted the Push. Now that another Push is coming up I want to run away again. I think someone needs to slap me back to my senses. I also think I need to start studying. And to have more patience with the kid who whines and snatches away the book when I'm teaching.

I am so exasperated right now.

Aiming
Beans
Carmen
Cereal Tossers
Deborah Faith
Hao Wen
Jacq
Joel
Marie
Ngee Derk
T Lo

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