want one, get one

I did something really idiotic and stupid today. Or more like, didn't.

I really don't feel I'm supposed to be in uni, term is starting next week and so are the insecurities. I don't even know whether I can get the damn module because I fucking forgot about closed bidding and now I'm really feeling a multitude of negative emotions directed at myself. I wish someone could be my superhero but maybe my magic S is within me and I'm just being the retard I am.

I feel inferior, and really stupid compared to Them, I keep saying maybe I'm just not putting enough effort but how can it be, when I did all I could and not still not get it. I'm not superstitious but perhaps it's really bad luck on my side, accumualated karma that strikes due to the unfortunate actions of others. What goes around doesn't come back to you, but to the people around you. Why I miss my bus, why I never get what I want, why today the BTC did not bloody stop at the busstop but went to Law instead, why things turn out way different from what I expected, why my results are just so , damn, lousy.

I think I'm really a semi-Epsilon moron or something. That must be it. I'm sorry, God. I know you created me in your own image but somehow I think you must have skipped a step or two when you made me.

I am clueless, faithless, knowledgeless and pretty soon, module-less again. The kid's mother texted me today to resume again, and she moved house so I have to travel even FURTHER to her bigger and ulu-er house. Murphy thinks I'm his Pavlov Dog.

Looks like the 3 day week might just be another unattainable ideal.