A voice was heard in Ramah.

This cat is HDB approved.

Monday, July 19, 2010

1:20 AM

The weekend was really tiring - CJC J2 Retreat + CSS AGM.
Both very refreshing and fulfilling in its own way.
CJC was nostalgic, I penned down many thoughts (555 notebook haha) at night right before I attempted to sleep. On a very hard LT floor with the girls. It's sort of an indescribable feeling to be connected and yet so detached at the same time. This must be the sort of feeling you get from reliving a memory - when you go back through a vacuum in time and you sense your former self running along those corridors and it's you, but it's not quite, you.
I touched those banisters and I felt the same pride, the same love, depression, nostalgia and pain all at the same time. I did many things that I would have done two years back - the same view from the quadrangle, the canteen (which has been newly renovated with name changes), the cave, the student council room, the classrooms where 1T15 used to be. Hovering in front of the giant mirrors, rushing to toilets, standing by the cooler, stopping to see the honour roll.
It was a bittersweet moment, its its own way.
I felt God too. (: I guess it must have been the immersion of the Catholic environment after all the secularity that has been imposed. Taking the comic walk and the labyrinth walk made me arrive at a decision and I was happy for it, but talking to the teachers and heading over to St. Teresa's church made me more confused than I already was.
I wish I was more decisive.
I didn't fancy the pressure of the room at all, actually. Stifling and suffocating. I resorted to prowling the grounds instead, avoiding contact and confiding specifically. Glad to say the drama ended well. I am happy for the 7 (minority ruling I like).
Dinner at Macdonald's - goes to show how a little decision can be articulated and conformed to if the hour is late and the stomachs are hungry.
One night on, and still the haze of discernment. Today's Gospel spoke: "there are many things in your life you worry about. But you need not worry about them at all. Only one". But what if the one leads to many? Can of worms, I'd say.
Praying to be more open to signs because I am a decision-making wuss and I let my surroundings speak to me instead of asserting myself for once.

Nevermind, this too, shall pass.