unfogging the future(or the present,at least)

2011-01-29T02:30:00.001+08:00

I have moved.

For greener pastures)

Just inbox me if you want the link (:

Travel Whims

2011-01-17T01:03:00.004+08:00

One day, with a light heart, a trusty companion and a sun that shines brightly.

first day

2011-01-13T00:00:00.002+08:00

today was unforgettable in many many ways.

i was really surprised at how eventful it was, it got rather overwhelming and surreal at times. personally i've been dreading the start because somehow i am getting quite jaded with campus and the reasons for our strife so i guess a beautiful day is god's reminder of hope and enduring faith.

anyway.

in the morning i had a terrible nightmare that i overslept that D&D were lecturing me in the car so i jolted awake and realized that... my alarm had not even rung -_-. so i 'woke up' again and made it to the taxi stand on time! (10 POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR FOR PUNCTUALITY) but he wasn't there yet. D picked me up at 730AM (OMG I HATE EARLY DAYS) and there was terrible traffic from bradell to lornie it was insanely slow and halfway D calls D to ask about traffic conditions and I was the middle person so was basically translating into more politically correct form what D was trying to say:

"Idiots driving on the road I swear"

"Oh, he says it's because of some inconsiderate people on the road la"

We were 5 minutes late for our Tragedy lecture (aptly named) and Mel was already there! So sat down and played the role of diligent students until D walked in at 910 HAHA. It was really nice to see all the majors again! (: Somehow I feel that a small cohort can be cosy too because you really get to know people on a personal level. We made new friends and we ate brunch together at the Deck! Yong Tau Foo to kickstart my semester, never can go wrong with that. Unfortunately I was zero percent productive during our long break because I didn't bring my matric card, Mel wanted to pass the readings BUT she had to go home first so that means = I'm only getting it next week AND the book was out of stock. Wth. Bad things consolidate dot com. Went to meet KQ and JN and the twins for lunch! Really good to see them, haven't seen anyone outside of Lit/CSS for a semester now - we are engaging in plans to showcase our bright and vibrant campus HAHAHA sigh hope It gets into Action.

I was slightly late for my second lecture (Psychoanalysis) and she ended super early to the extend that I couldn't meet the seller. Think I must have gone paranoid trying to change the meeting time until the person texted to apologize because he thought I was waiting for him (which I semi was, but okay la I was going to go home soon) and he REDUCED THE PRICE BY $9. CAN SOMEBODY SAY AWESOME? (: Wow I was so happy I didn't even notice how LOUSY my ARTS CANTEEN GUAVA was in that moment.

D gave me a lift back too! Was really thankful because I had TONS of books I kid you not - D's 20th C books, the two books I bought from Mel, and the coursepack I bought. I dropped by the library to borrow Agamennon because shipment is being a crankypoo and I went home.

AND I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING AT HOME ):
Magic words are "come watch movie" and DIEEEEEE - Bollywood movies being a grand commitment of 3 hours plus we watch the current drama series too so yeah came online to check stuff BUT ended up fretting about my M.Card which THANK YOU JESUS I found. I think I can get a cardio workout everyday just freaking out seriously.

Basically today was a grateful day for

1) awesome coursemates who are better friends - generally get along better with them now and i'm so proud of myself

2) good weather

3) THE AWESOMENESS OF PRIVATE TRANSPORT

4) FREE BOOKS

5) Mr Twitch. Ok irrelevant but it was just so peaceful sitting him on my lap today while he was sleeping, and looking at the gentle rain on the windowpanes. It really made me think alot about life and how people think it's important to be happy, but what I think should really take the cake is attaining peace. Happiness comes automatically.

Just a thought!

Florescent Adolescent

2011-01-11T11:41:00.006+08:00

Been listening to angst-ridden boy bands as an outlet for my perpetual rage.
Trying to stretch the last of my holidays before school kicks in for me. (:
How do people keep up with popularity man? I get 7 texts in an hour and I'm overwhelmed haha. Really need to have a healthy phone ettiquette this year, definitely. Together with Get Fit 2011 plan, and also Cap 5 2011. (Ha.Ha)
Computing textbooks are being elusive now.... am terribly reluctant to purchase one since it's >$30 even for secondhand and nobody I know has taken the module before. Photocopying seems tempting but it's open book so I think Imma be just getting it la.
Irritated by used textbooks forum because I can't sell off my lit texts this semester, none of the modules being offered boo life's a boat.
Distractions:
1) Shoes shoes shoes. This is the pair I tried on last week after scouring all the outlets during the holidays. Definitely not getting it because it's way out of the budget plus I don't foresee myself wearing them around anywhere for that matter. But oh so pretty! I'm all about quirks and those pseudo-laces are just irresistible! <3

2) Why he is the best head in the world (((: and seriously this is not his first time encouraging me! It's seriously getting a little stressful sitting at the deck and listening to all the...academic talk and philosophical debate and intellectual opinions. Even Becks agrees! (thought I was the only one) but yeah sometimes even the things we talk about may drive people away too so it's not just about presence I feel. It's about consideration for others and their level of engagement before we venture into some topic to talk about (Okay la, I'm just being fussy again)

Okay so after that rather useless post I realise how much time I spend on utterly useless things (gosh I'm sounding like my mother) I should be doing something academic right now...like reading up Hamlet or even thinking about potential thesis.......... Nah.

KEDS brown shoes @ World of Sports! Only willing to buy if I get someone who has the card.

And I really DISLIKE THE NEIGHBOUR at the opposite block who stands at the kitchen and spews vulgarities every morning and wakes up the whole of Avenue 10. It's NOT COOL man. Seriously he is SO loud that we can listen to his verbal abuse while waiting for the bus to come. Wa, you think your mother own the estate ah?

Okay, I'm off.

Last week of holidays.

2011-01-07T22:18:00.003+08:00

Such an unpoetic title. (IKR)

Blogging now because I am mildly irritated by my MOM who just told me off for going out and not informing her in advance. (Major crime whoa. After all I'm 20 and so young SHEESH).
Anyway. Slightly concerned because as of now I am unemployed and fyi I get zero pocket money from parents. What I get is occasional love offerings (ha, ha) when I complain about the price of literature textbooks/novels/seeing the doctor for my back.
Oh ya my back. Anyway the update is that,
I went to the doctor again this week, this time for an xray. Nothing as usual, but gosh what a persistent ache. Feels really paranoid not being as mobile as I would like to be, even the simple things like bending over and sitting down can be excruciating sometimes and it's making me worry so much ): Hopefully it's just a sprain and nothing life-threatening.
This week is a little melancholic because it's a sobering effect of a prelude to S C H O O L (Dreaded word!) Felt like the holidays were really short because I was really enjoying myself. (: I notice that my holidays are so extreme, either I am working all the way after a 2day break or I am totally nua-ing. Balance, Jocelyn. Balance.
Things that happened this week:
Monday. Polyclinic day. Lunched with my brother. Who wasn't mad that I was late HAHA. Homey day.
Tuesday. Novena with Arts Comm and random CSS people. So many of us were on the same train coincidentally! Lunched together but I was too full Blegh couldn't finish my food. Left to look for my nice KEDS shoe but I refuse to buy it until I get someone who is a World of Sports member! It's only worth it with a discount. Right now deliberating between the keds and the everlast - both are almost same price after the discount BUT keds has a better fit and of course more brand conscious. Etc etc.
Wednesday. Was at Chris' place doing our secret mission! :P Such great fun to play band hero, I wish I could afford stuff like that too but what makes it fun is people playing it together. Anyway I can just imagine parents making noise over storage issues. Night was rushing to attend the CAW training workshop but I was super late due to the trip from BBTK to SGN killer ride. By the time I got there they just ended. But made new friends and dinner-ed with new people (:
Thursday. Carmen for lunch and Kathy for dinner. Haha, TBS is having a POST XMAS SALE ): Why like that. Anway I think yesterday I overdosed on lemon because my throat is acting up again. We were walking around Bugis aimlessly, clothes aren't as enticing as I thought they'd be. Either that or we have high expectations. Met Kathy thereafter! Pretty stationery shops are trending all over Singapore - Papermarket, Stationery Island, NBC etc. So many pretty things! Pretty expensive too ): We ate Soup Spoon which was so terribly filling, despite the fact that we shared the naan, the tea and the salad. Had to doggy bag my half wrap home. We sat by the esplanade thereafter to talk about Life haha, and also to help random tourists take photos.

Today was JLC outing. Cycling at ecp,super tiring omg. I think we clocked in about 10km plus confirm, plus it was raining too! And some random police exhibition in the middle of nowhere but we got free stuff haha :D Trained home with R with sore legs and bums, and truly exhuasted.

Was watching the last episode of breakout just now waiting for parents. And came to blog instead after that because I was angry.
Think I'd just sleep earlier tonight.

news in brief

2010-12-31T11:45:00.001+08:00

Just a little update on what's been happening so far:
1)Mommy day out again - after ICA trip we went for a JB day trip. Cabbed to Angsana and walked around, before we were looking around for a cab back to City Square when something surprising happened. Basically this Malay lady looked at us and was saying "Tolong tolong!" because of her huge shopping trolley which she was trying to mount on the pavement. We helped her and I gently nudged my mom to ask her for directions. Then this very kind hearted lady offered to drive us to our destination. (: Along the ride she was really open about her life and told us about her children, occupation, shuttling to and fro KL/JB etc. I think this incident reminded me not to be so cynical about life and people in general because of random unexpected acts of kindness by strangers.

2) Shopping with Nikki (: We were in town again (gosh I've been haunting central area nowadays) but it turned out her shopping was much more productive than mine. She's a good shopping buddy because she always has sth constructive to say about shoes/bags/clothes and we laugh at how everytime I'm with her we always either eat at Soup Spoon or look for shorts.

3) Ban mian and Vanilla milk tea with Carmen! (: Yay so happy to see her too, after eons. I always joke that booking me is like booking for a SSDC driving lesson - must be always two months in advance. Not because I'm exceptionally busy, but because things tend to crop up last minute plus Carmen is hen mang one hahaha. It was nice to be back in my good old tpy and immersing in the super hectic culture downstairs of frenzied Christmas shopping.

4) Passing Threadless stuff to people. This included Daryl, Joel, Andrew and Fishy. The Erwin incident during the phone call was really funny though - we had mistaken identities on both sides so the conversation went on for quite some time before we realised we were NOT the people we were looking for. HAHA. Oh and on the 24th I decided to be ambitious and incorporate my exercise routine by walking from my place to J8 (about 20-25 minutes by foot). Was reaching J8 when Joel called and said he had already gone home -_-" so I had to change my route. Then when I actually reached his place I forgot which block it was HAHA SIGH. Ended up doing some saikang for church wrapping numerous fruit plus and various assortments of sweets into 30 pretty plastic bags and twining it with gold pipe cleaner. And halfway Andrew dropped by to exchange presents too!
After which I was waiting for my dad to come pick me up so I bought my favourite $1 honey peach milk tea from the shop! Drinking it made me nostalgic and think about my failed maths tuition days back in JC when I went to the place with Aiming and Audrey (:
Went to Little India with the parents thereafter, and had our lunch there. Btw I think festive indulgence is getting a little out of hand because I'm eating meat everyday :/ And it's super heaty and messing up my skin again ): Offered to wash the car when we got back BUT Daddy was super apprehensive about my parking at multistorey carpark skills HAHA so now we have to wait until this coming weekend perhaps.

5) 26th - 29th: Ipoh and KL trip!
Very memorable albeit the numerous hiccups and insistence of relatives. Will probably upload pictures later on because blogger is not very picture friendly. First time I'm actually buying alot of stuff (for myself! that's a first too!) and I'm slightly worried about how December has turned me into this consumeristic freako ): Ok need to start keeping my cards at home to discipline myself.

6) Tourist trip with Fishy and Tings
Very long overdue meetup - because we are all from different unis we probably only see each other like twice a year or sth (quite ridiculous considering that we are all in Sg). Ate Korean food! (: Very yummy but I think my throat is starting to be scratchy from the heatiness so will have to down some herbal stuff later).

Now it's time to stalk the breadth/UE page and do something about my life. Can't really say I'm looking forward to 2011 (it must be the jaded senior inertia syndrome catching on) but I guess I'd just have to stick around and soak it up.

Here's to a better new year folks,
xoxo.

results

2010-12-21T23:18:00.002+08:00

They always have the most sobering effect ever. What's worse than the aftermath is the flurry of Dumb Unfounded Accusations to deal with, despite the fact that I KNOW that I worked very hard.
I guess effort is nothing compared to competency.

December Update #2.

2010-12-20T01:04:00.002+08:00

Like I always mention, crazy month indeed! Been spending too much it's so painful just to hold my card in my hand. Too many sales and too little time! Women really do drive the economy.
Many things this week! Caroling practice on Monday and la la session on Wednesday! It was nice to visit all the lovely homes and their residents, I really liked the cute little girls! So adorable, regiment styled greetings all. Walk back to tpy with Mag and Becks was crazy mad, humidity plus drizzle was a killer. Collected my dress from senior! (: Rly happy with it but it looks so grand I dare not wear it for anything. Wanted to wear it for Rocky Horror but now that I can't go doubt I will. Why why oh why are good things always so pricey!
Thursday was Mommy day out, was supposed to go overstraits but found out about my passport! ): went on a cultural immersion around sg though, city plaza, haji lane and bugis! Got stuff and my third earhole! It's healing now and its hands off seafood for 2 weeks my gosh, life is so unbearable.
Friday was Kathy trip in town. Insanely early lunch with Andre, because army boys have ridiculous meal times and walking around. Bought the shoes with a stranger because it was cheaper to get it in a pair! Haha good deed to Indonesian strangers. And present hunting for her many many cousins too! Bought something from FOX kids because I can wear it! Teehee. And the mushroom soup too! We ate atas bread from the 313 Marche! (: Really love their mianbao, makes me all Christmas-sy inside eating toasted bread with tomatoes and cheese and onions.
Saturday was prep for Christmas gathering! Met jellywells at her place to do the deco: like the streamers and the huge sign leading to his place. I really like how absorbing art can be, the total concentration you need when you cut or paste or draw. Spent 2 hours in a row working on the first attempted papier mache crown but it turned out terrible so switched on Saturday morning.
Just back from the gathering! It went surprisingly well, considering the circumstances. Really lovely company and great social experience! (: Updating now as I wait for the photos to upload themselves.

Man, really loving my holidays despite my complete exhaustion (: I'd be really sad when school reopens because it would mean I actually need some kind of direction in my life.

Until then,
xoxo.

twenteen.

2010-12-11T23:23:00.001+08:00

Alright, this is the much overdue post from my birthday! (:
My birthday week was rather eventful, in fact I don't recall being so happening before this entire semester! Still in a bit of a woozy because I ended only last week (So Angerz) but oh well.
I remember watching truckloads of chick flicks over the weekend (The Proposal, The Notebook, Confessions of a Shopholic, Music and Lyrics) to make up for lost time. Friday was a trip with Jason! To the hatched outlet which he has been endlessly raving about since god knows when and practically booked me a sem in advance so I couldn't pangseh hahaha. I love the food <3 EGG HEAVEN! Had the birds' nest - which came with 2 sunny sides, grilled veggies, potatoes and caramellised onions! I was in Egg Mecca :D And we had island creamery after! My gosh it's been so long since I've been there! Really liked my foodie outing.

Some thing that happened during the birthday week:
1) Alot of surprises and double crossing! My gosh I am too gullible hahaha.
Monday I decided to go to to the doc to get my back checked. It's so paiseh to tell people that it's mugging-induced > sports injury. Anyway fyi, it's really important to stretch your back once in a while when you're seated. I learnt it the hard way.
Afternoon was the lunch with the Arts Comm! (: We met up to celebrate Jells' 21st so Ash planned this supercool elaborate surprise which had us stationed along marina square. Of course we didn't expect her to lose her way and I guess I kinda spoilt it because she accidentally saw me ): And I was double crossed! Wth! Hahaha imagine coming down an escalator to see them with a birthday cake, too sweet too sweet (:

And the night was equally eventful! Hahaha ~~stupid~~ Joel conned me I swear I didn't even see it coming- all the fake anger that I was late, making me walk several miles up and down the houses because he was 'lost', meeting Guin and Ernest along the way, and finally making our way to Fat Boys. My gosh I am so terribly oblivious (a little dense for a girl!) I didn't even know everyone was seated inside until I was shoved in hahaha.
Thanks for the surprise dearies! (: V v touched by all the effort put in to make it special, even ppl like Mama who had to book back in right after dinner - I feel the love <3 <3 <3 Felt very grateful for that night company and dinner and the accompanied walk back to the train. Love love!

Tuesday.
Carolling! With the girls (JLC<3) at QOP (my gosh all the way in the East!) and we were la-la-la-ing which made us super exhausted and hungry! Went to Clarke Quay (indians were on time yeah man) with the law students and random engineer to try mussels and beer!
Btw it was my first virginal experience trying museels, and I must say it was rather nice! Was expecting a really overpowering seafood, icky taste but it was cooked in this delish cream based thingy with veggies so it tasted NICE (:

Wednesday.
My real birthday! Haha I met Kathy to watch Rapunzel which was such an endearingly light-hearted film, very entertaining to watch and touching at some parts too! (: Oh I didn't tell her it was my birthday so it was quite amusing haha plus the fact that she is currently disconnected from any social media makes her completely oblivious. Wonder what's her reaction gonna be when Dre brings it up at our lunchdate.

Thursday-Saturday.
CSS Retreat! Was not really all hyped up about it because of my back which was achy (and the thought of having to sleep on the floor) but still went with Becks for mass first day! I think Retreat was slow-paced and relaxed, which suited me. But it was also the first time when I wasn't actively involved in it, merely a partcipant and it made me very itchy inside. The gnawing feeling when you have zero responsibilities other than to turn up on time and clear your food containers. Haha.
Made some new friends and met the freshies whom I've been evading for an entire sem! It's nice to know that the young bloods are so full of life and wanting to serve our community. Recon was good for me too, although of course sitting during Ado is always a painfully emotional experience for me (I am recalling what D from Fuel used to say about it being radioactive: you can't see it, only feel it). Food was great! I mean, considering camp conditions. Much much better than advent last year.
Left camp feeling under the weather, and after a power nap of 3 hours, woke up to a scratchy throat, terrible skin and dehydration.
BAH, unnecessary consequences of camp.
Now to get better soon so that I don't lose my voice for carolling!
I am trying to shut off Daryl's voice at the back of my head which is reminding me to start reading my lit texts for next semester hahaha ):

Till then,
xoxo.

the many faces of jocelyn.

2010-11-27T00:46:00.003+08:00

Shy that way

2010-11-24T00:55:00.003+08:00

Social media dictates how we begin our sharings, and it's comforting to know that after many years and many continents apart some things never change.
The little arguments, the insistence, the eventual reconcilitation, the annoying LOLs and recurrent hahas - and the full cosy awareness of what the other person is really like.

Even after so much has happened, I still find it weird to even skype/voice people.

Grooving Up Slowly

2010-11-22T23:21:00.002+08:00

Something amusing happened last week. I wasn't wearing my spectacles when I was brushing my teeth and well, there are...people at my place. I vaguely remember closing my door and turning out the lights so when I looked up imagine my surprise when I looked up mid-colgate and saw a hazy figure and a light at my room.
Naturally I assumed it was my brother and his sneaky attempt to get into my room as usual so I shouted very loudly in my Elder Sister Tone:
"Eh what you doing sia"
The figure was reasonably stunned and threw hands up in the air.
I later found out that it wasn't my brother after all and he kept sniggering the whole day thereafter :/ And that it wasn't my room that was lit up, but the other room. HAHA SIGH.
I am so impaired without glasses haha.
Life's okay, we are all in the spirit of mugging now. Been spending time with the favourite girls whom I hardly see during actual semester.
Last week was my first ever Starbucks session! Ok loser I know, I never stepped inside one before because it was too pricey but I know that the Christmas drinks are imba so I tried the peppermint one (My science GEM notes say that PPM is good for alertz and I needed it)
Apart from that I am incredibly annoyed because exam stress and bad lifestyle choices like beverages, excessive aircon and sedentary moments are giving me a massive breakout. Never been this bad before, I think my body is heating up to combat all the coldness + I eat heaty food = OH NO VOLCANO.

Think I have to drink more water.

Can't wait for exams to end, I think I end really late for an ARTS student SIGH.

2010-11-20T01:46:00.003+08:00

Idk who to be angry at.
This realization now sinks in that only I govern my actions and that I should make Effort Count.

Please don't whine to me if you're well aware that you're doing much better than I am.

2010-11-11T18:11:00.000+08:00

repeating the same old nightmare.

for fuck's sake, seriously.

onitsuka

2010-11-05T23:10:00.003+08:00

happy diwali friends (:
today wasn't productive, but had so much fun.
after consecutively missing visits due to exams/tests, finally visited today!
haha my 'uncle' was shocked that i was actually year 2 because he still had a vision of me in sec 3. i am somewhat complimented.
he is also surprised that i can drive.
i ate good indian food! although my appetite for spicy food seems to be waning nowadays. even my mom notices that i never finish my chilli. hmm must be the influence of my 100% chinese friends haha (:
happy birthday to mom as well!
in true indian spirit i bought The Cake hahaha.
i technically have a book to read and 2 essays + chinese test + oral but i'm slacking my ass off, literally.
i just realised toon's birthday is approaching and it's gonna feel weird not celebrating it :/ hope everything's fine.
collected my welfare pack in school! had a hilarious convo on tweet about it too. so aunty la.
been clocking some nights on campus. it usually surprises ppl much but honestly its just a matter of getting used to i feel. i mean i see honours ppl around clocking the same hours and after while you just get accustomed to riding off-peak. yup. still take the same time to get back home though. :/
no more 3262 almost! so GLAD the nightmare is over.
looking forward to the end of next week because it means im finally free to get down to studying for finals.

;)

2010-11-04T00:32:00.001+08:00

getting emotional over christmas (:

pokemon

2010-11-03T00:46:00.002+08:00

Today was a perfectly normal day, but it was perfect in its own way. Apart from the fact that I had to cab to the busstop because I overslept from doing the CD. Gosh I am so reliant on the alarm, thank God for internal body clocks that wake me up.
It was Ashley's birthday today (: 20 years of a wonderful and kind existence, so of course everyone was happy to celebrate. Singing birthday songs at the deck make me feel nostalgic for CJC canteen birthdays, the way we did it loud and spontaneously with a subconscious audience in mind. (:
I submitted my final essay for the module today. The irony is that I can spend $1.50 printing her CD cover but be extremely reluctant to reprint the essay because I forgot to indent. My priorities are so messed up. In the end I didn't. I know. Shoot me. I was already saturated by conceiving the thesis for one week so I didn't bother.
I am extremely tired and my eyes are getting smaller as I type. Feel a little annoyed because I slacked off for an hour listening to mainstream music. BUT I just submitted the report to my prof! Took me an hour typing + few hours reading RBR book today. Hope I do ok.
My RBR book kena fine! ): So sad. I got a little caught up with our very lively banter (Hearts the JLC manymany) over dinner at the deck. Now I have to pay a fine for returning it 20 minutes late. So sad!
Ok I'm screwed for tomorrow's tutorial because I haven't read the book. And Chinese lecture is having a movie appreciation. -_____-. OMG I'd rather be doing my essays BUTTTTT I really hope I can skip ):
Off for now! Sorry about the simple English - after 2000 words + 700 words I can't type elegant prose already!

AC/DC

2010-10-29T23:04:00.003+08:00

I really have lost the impulse these days to blog, because of my increased paranoia about the online security. But I felt these people deserved a shoutout so,
Thank You for being the wonderful people that you are (:
I know I'm really a terrible member, I have mood swings, I hardly appear at important moments, I suck at small talk. I'm very. Private sometimes. I know. Sorry.
And I know yall can sense it too, the weeks have been progressively terrible - grades wise, I'm really really gone down the drain. 3 Lit modules and 1 language is FRISBEE hardcore and I'm really tired out just preparing tutorials over the weekends.
Update: Fell sick, lost 3 kg from throwing up, as a result of yep Bad Lifestyle Habits. This includes camping at CL, late nights, reading sprees, no (leafy) veggies and oh my tian no running ):
I'm in bad shape in ALL aspects it sucks so bad.
I'm really guilty about today and what happened, sometimes I make decisions I feel great regret about. It didn't help either that she's been driving me up the wall either, with her daily quota to add. Fucking 1981.
So thank you, for that very timely sms - it was so impeccably timed it just made me all teary and emotional and hundred sorts of grateful for
Understanding.
This is the irony. That I pray for that during every morning/evening prayer and God directs it at myself instead.

Ok, I really hope I can pull through this semester. Just give me a thesis.

hiatus

2010-10-17T23:21:00.001+08:00

until people spam my tagboard.

memories

2010-10-10T00:27:00.002+08:00

Frantic missed calls,
unreliable public transport,
even more unreliable ATMs,
befriending strangers on buses,
bonding over foolscap,
problems with punctuality,
chance encounters,
certain unspoken animosities,
friendly old faces,
mundane army talk and overseas escapades,
oldtime gossip,
alcohorlicks.

CJC, you're my favourite hello and my hardest goodbye.

This meetup was at the expense of a really screwed up essay (KNN just found out the word count is longer than expected) but I think, no regrets.

Here's to the heirs of the glorious kingdom.
(:

jocelyn

2010-10-07T23:48:00.003+08:00

is tired.
is running out of time.
is, screwed.

ARGH. Stupid E-Learning week's messing up EVERYTHING.

Spent today at SecretPlace with SecretPal - the aircon's dehydrated my skin, causing it to produce even more excess oil, and I am, Cranky >:/

Yet to start on essays, presentations, online posts, etc etc etc.

So irritated that there is so much to do and I have yet to up my game!
Reading novels alone won't do Jocelyn Jockhim.

Only thing that makes me happy at the end of long cold days now seem to be Twitch. He's so adorable ^_^ - I like the way he
1) ignores you all day and finds you only at night
2) mews in RESPONSE when my mom scolds him. It's damn cute I swear. I'd be holding him and he's be all attitude and turn his head away and yowl at my mom.
3) picks fight with Ginger.

Adorable bunch of attitude problem.

lovequotes for the lovelorn

2010-09-23T22:35:00.001+08:00

'But as your heart is still your own,' (and he seemed rejoiced to find it was) 'permit me to warn you how you part with a thing so precious - the dangers, the sorrows you hazard in bestowing it, are greater than you may be aware of. The heart once gone, our thoughts, our actions, are no more our own, than that is.'

-A Simple Story

biting back tongue

2010-09-11T22:26:00.002+08:00

What doesn't kill you only makes you,
more tired, fatigued and disllusioned.
To chase and not know what you pursue,
to procrastinate and revel in the indifference, until it hits you hard,
to gaze longingly of a greener pasture, where you've never been before.
Slow contemplative thoughts arise on a slow jog around the familiar gardens
on a cool and hazy sunset,
to that of life and priorities and ambition.
Ambition is good, isn't it? It didn't matter so much in the past - all about the process innit? Social > Outcome.
Now that slowly changes as well, as I find myself getting irritated by those who aren't driven to want more, to be happy just as long people are happy.
Whatever happened to a little drive?
Having said that, I bite back my tongue for often we are creatures of our own hypocrisy,
waddling in our little lies and self-righteousness.
---

Life's short. Running 2 fun runs in 2 weeks, plenty of meetings, things to do, little time for books makes Jill a very dull girl.
I really need to get started on so many things, but these demons they chase me so and refuse to let me some shuteye.

Can't wait for Recess, a little breather for the breathless girl.

Impose, Expect, Disappoint

2010-08-30T22:33:00.002+08:00

My ideal Romeo.
My ideal Romeo: someone I always envisioned and reasonably so, to magically frequent a place I'd always be at. Logically , this would be a library (cold and dusty and therefore where I'm most vulnerable: allergies gah) preferably near Fiction (I'm only pseudo-intellectual). He would gallantly appear from the long aisles of bookshelves, perhaps in that long beacon of light that would illuminate his lanky silohuette.

He would pass me a book which I'd be looking for.
Or, wait no.
He would, pass me something that I had misplaced (more probable)

We would swoon over the great authors, he would reveal a secret fancy for Blyton - we would argue (undeniable Indian side) over ideals, but come to the realization that they can never be actualized. Practicality is good, one wouldn't want a Dreamy Poet type - judging by history those never lasted long.

Of course, he'd have his (little)ego and be sexily indifferent: nonchalance if pulled off well, can be rather attractive.
He'd look good in a crisp white shirt rolled lazily at the elbows while shuffling about.
He'd pretend he couldn't give a damn, but deep down we all know and outwardly choose not to acknowledge quite the reverse is true. (How absurdly Asian)

He won't smoke.

He'd be the directive oar in a boat on unchartered turbulent waters.

We'd spend ~~all day~~ a few hours ( for we both have obligations) under the sun, in the pouring rain, blowing bubbles, carousels that bob up and down, twinkling lights, slivers of kites that fly free in a clear blue sky.

He'd teach me, I'd learn.

~~My ideal Romeo~~
He does not exist.
We all learn the truth someday and the truth is that,
even if soulmates exists, doesn't mean you'd ever find them.
Tragic.

post ndp

2010-08-12T23:00:00.002+08:00

Heyho, so the big hooha over National Day is over and so are the holidays aren't we glad. Don't get me wrong, I really love Singapore and this year's song rocks (Corrinne May bias) but I recongnize propaganda when I see it.
First week of school and already headlong into dramatic encounters 101, that really leaves me regretting the enormous Internet time I spend idling and messing things up when I could be saving my sorry CAP.
Alot of things have been happening that's made me damn upset and hurt going both ways. And it really hurts when it comes from someone you know, even when you meant it with the best of intentions.
The problem is that everybody tends to view me as a sweet and docile creature when my ugly doppelganger is just waiting to be unleashed unto some poor unfortunate soul. The truth is, I actually can be mean and incisive when I'm not being politically correct and I really wish people would appreciate my genuine honesty instead of being excessively judgmental. Often hypocritically so.
I have an attitude problem just like everyone else so wake up people.
If I don't talk to you, deal with it. If I'm moody, I'm having my moment.
If I'm busy, I'm really busy and you don't need imba analytical inferring skills to understand what that means.
Feeling a little irritated because too many moments this week when intentions and outcomes vary, which has left me reflecting whether it was right of me to garner my first impression in the first place.
Oh my tian I am becoming very... naggy and teacher-like I swear my tutoring side has taken over.

Anyway. First week of school, and had draining lectures, boring lectures, interesting lectures. Plenty of drama getting my novels and my constant whining has even led to sponsorship by.. MOM <3 Yes. I pay for my own damn novels and I feel the damn pinch, and sometimes I really wish I could splurge my parents' money on first hand books without a second thought but that's me being all stoic and self-righteous.
It's familiar and warm to meet the usual suspects along the walkway, I saw many people today while I was shuttling between Science and Arts, made 3 transactions and bought 3 books and borrowed 2. I kind of miss Romeo/Reggae and seeing them attending PL/EC lectures make me a little left out, for I am a lonely EN major and my major comes with a great heap of self-tragedy.

I am also learning to make new friends, something very difficult for I am by nature a creature of habit. People like to assume I am hypersocial but acquaintences and friends vary, it's same same but different de.
At the same time, I fear the old friendships may be tested by the out of sight out of
mind theory.

Major change lies ahead, if only I would just grow a backbone and assert myself for once and with Sash's words of advice but a faint echo,
I push on.

Amen.

Lost In Transaction

2010-08-04T13:27:00.002+08:00

Heylo averybahdee, Barberella here (does hand clenching wave)
Oh what good fun is the holidays - probably one of my most memorable, and also one of the more expensive seeing as how money was spent like water.
Life's been good really - I couldn't complain at all, apart from the occasional backache that comes from a slouchy posture. On Thursday I caught Inception with Joel and we must have mis estimated the advert time because the movie was screening even though we walked in only 5 minutes after! Well it's not like we missed much I guess. There is currently alot of hype about it and I couldn't agree that it's a brilliant movie (Nolan having directed Memento and The Dark Knight): the concept of dream weaving is quite hard to visualize, and it's great that it was explored rather successfully through his dream within a dream within a dream idea. Although of course I always assume that Nolan being Nolan the ending is always unresolved, but Nikki and Fishy proved me wrong.
Friday, was some girl time shopping with Nikky darling whom I never saw in 2 month ish! We had atas soup haha, and people-watching along the familiar stretch of mall we know (and that I always end up at for outings). Bought something! Really happy about it because it was on sale (GSS, Thy name is Women) and I personally think it's worth the investment because I always wanted something in that colour. And we went to the arcade! That brought back some memories I guess. And the funny thing was that my engine stalled -__-' because we decided to be adventurous and switch to manual. Also went to Toys R Us to buy Bakugan for the kid (I found out on Monday that I bought the wrong one but he seems happy with it nonetheless). After which I caught CSS people for their dinner before their movie at night!
Oh, on Friday I also baked pizza from scratch! :D Onions, tomatoes, pineapple cubes, mushrooms with a pasta sauce base and mozz cheese on top! At the expense of my CORS bidding (my priorities are screwed up) somemore but thank goodness I got that module for 1 point.
Weekend had GREAT FOOD: Saturday was Scissors Cut Rice and Sunday was Biriyani (though we took ages to find the outlet in Avenue 10 which is as big as Texas)
This week I intended to bum around at home (I'm becoming used to this) BUT sometimes even an unplanned week can turn into a hectic one. Last night CSS went to Little India HAHA and it was really funny because we ate authentic Indian food at Madras Woodlands and walked around Mustafa!
I am personally quite daunted by the 20 novels that await me this semester, and my fellow EN friends are scaring the dickens out of me by saying they completed this novel and that. (Sometimes my work ethic is......dismal)
Right now I'm doing what any normal NUS student is doing: refreshing the page every 5 minutes and getting mini heart attacks because if I don't get what I want I don't really have a plan B. This morning I opened the gate and little Twitch was snoozing in the shoe cabinet! He saw me and stretched his paws and came out and mewed. Haha. (:
Half excited and half sian of starting school, I know it's gonna be same old same old except much much harder - 3 level 3000 modules I kid you not, I'm gonna be A FULL TIME NERD (say must do). Also getting bankrupt from all the books which I have to get ):

Exciting weekend awaits - gonna meet my class girls and girlfriend~~~ This is the evidently the calm before the storm.

God bless our souls.

xoxo

bidding

2010-07-26T13:34:00.002+08:00

I had quite a number of funny conversations this week and I just had to type it down because ~~I am an attention seeker~~ it's memorable.

Ngee Derk: (while talking) Omg I think my zippers' undone.

Daryl: (in response to my whining that my new school route was mothering long): Well, mothering is quite a long process after all.

I am (wait for it) arguing with Sash right now about the success of Mani Ratnam's new movie Raavanan -he's assertive that it wasn't a good movie while I beg to differ. Coincidentally we also watched the same movie yesterday even though we were in different time zones.

Bidding is a pain seriously I hate that I have to go through this but I can't complain when I have awesome people to rely on, like Jerome haha who has endless patience (are you reading this? :P)

Now for fingers crossed and hope that I don't land a five day week.

le hungriums

2010-07-24T22:11:00.002+08:00

Because I am tired and lazy here is a simple list of what happened this week:
Monday:
I didn't do anything. Oh I tutored. Then I went to church for 10:10 planning and logistic hunting.

Tuesday:
Terrible day actually. I cycled to the library and it rained jaguars and panthers halfway, meaning my bicycle was drenched in horrible rainwater and I was semi stranded in Bishan. To top it all off, my phone died because I didn't charge it and I had to find a public phone. I borrowed some interesting books to read which I haven't gotten down to reading. But the recipe book is definitely interesting, cola muffins sound like a novelty! In the evening I had a quiet class dinner with the girls - Kathy Seren Ming Deb and Arthurboy- at Chompchomp! Proud of myself for walking to my place to Gardens without getting lost. Even though I took the bus on the wrong side home thereafter. Good food and good conversations, catching up with the JC bunch is good stuff.

Wednesday:
OG gathering to bake Cheesecake (: Pictures on FB. I was little angsty in the morning but it was all cleared up. I seem to be in the East pretty often now.

Thursday: Longest day of the week that left me pretty exhuasted! Woke up a little late so had to cab over to NUS for Matriculation - was at CSS booth with old uncle helping out. Saw familiar faces! No free stuff given out for seniors though, except the awesome Lemon Tea and Passionfruit. Then had to rush over to watch movie (Inception was too long so we watched Sorcerer's Apprentice instead we were both so sad!) but it turned out pretty okay for a Disney cliche. Trend of geek getting the girl these days. Then off to tutor the little boy, before a miracle happened. in the form of a text message (: Meaning I could actually BE at followup! I was so happy I was kind of semi indifferent to the pain of the travelling time it took me to get there. James was nice enough to walk me to the place somemore! Great cheesecake man (: I actually thought it'd be a lot sweeter, judging the way dear Scully dumped the sugar using his engineering proficiency but it was great.

Friday: Church at night and listening to the kiddos rant about lessons and teachers amused me and made me think about my old times.

Today the aircon men arrived! Which means we finally get aircon. My room doesn't have aircon though that's so sad it's the warmest room in the house.
Nvm it's not like I sleep well in aircon I'd just sneak in the other room if I need to study.
Speaking of which, school is starting soon and I'm kind of semi sad about it because it means the whirlwind starts again.
This semester I pray for better decisions, less distractions and more time management.

2010-07-19T01:20:00.002+08:00

The weekend was really tiring - CJC J2 Retreat + CSS AGM.
Both very refreshing and fulfilling in its own way.
CJC was nostalgic, I penned down many thoughts (555 notebook haha) at night right before I attempted to sleep. On a very hard LT floor with the girls. It's sort of an indescribable feeling to be connected and yet so detached at the same time. This must be the sort of feeling you get from reliving a memory - when you go back through a vacuum in time and you sense your former self running along those corridors and it's you, but it's not quite, you.
I touched those banisters and I felt the same pride, the same love, depression, nostalgia and pain all at the same time. I did many things that I would have done two years back - the same view from the quadrangle, the canteen (which has been newly renovated with name changes), the cave, the student council room, the classrooms where 1T15 used to be. Hovering in front of the giant mirrors, rushing to toilets, standing by the cooler, stopping to see the honour roll.
It was a bittersweet moment, its its own way.
I felt God too. (: I guess it must have been the immersion of the Catholic environment after all the secularity that has been imposed. Taking the comic walk and the labyrinth walk made me arrive at a decision and I was happy for it, but talking to the teachers and heading over to St. Teresa's church made me more confused than I already was.
I wish I was more decisive.
I didn't fancy the pressure of the room at all, actually. Stifling and suffocating. I resorted to prowling the grounds instead, avoiding contact and confiding specifically. Glad to say the drama ended well. I am happy for the 7 (minority ruling I like).
Dinner at Macdonald's - goes to show how a little decision can be articulated and conformed to if the hour is late and the stomachs are hungry.
One night on, and still the haze of discernment. Today's Gospel spoke: "there are many things in your life you worry about. But you need not worry about them at all. Only one". But what if the one leads to many? Can of worms, I'd say.
Praying to be more open to signs because I am a decision-making wuss and I let my surroundings speak to me instead of asserting myself for once.

Nevermind, this too, shall pass.

Meow.

2010-07-15T12:26:00.002+08:00

I decided to blog because I cannot calculate my new pay by distance fares on the webbie, it's a huge conspiracy by Them to keep us in the dark. Either that, or Google betrayed me.
I know everyone is like, uncomfortable right now. Including no 2 who rationalised with me the whole "God's plan is Your plan". And just got a fresh word of advice "you deserve to be slapped", in all honesty.
Okay, still haven't discerned fully either. Had to text Apy last night after all the drama, nice of him to be patient.
I baked banana chocolate cake yesterday (: So happy with the latest batch, the interior is all moist and the natural flavour of the banana makes it sweet. Plus the fragrance of the cocoa powder.

My life damn drama.
I mean, the weekend for one thing was packed - with overseas relatives (brought them around Singapore, ate out, shopping, travelling) AND THEN CA Gathering at Marie's, World Cup Finale (ZZZZ). And my parents forgot to pick me up -_- Thank goodness I called them.
Came home and Monday it was OG Kbox funkytime and church at night with brother Joel haha.
Tuesday was tumbler trip with Kathy around the whole of CBD and I had no yields because I am so picky and obsessively fussy. However, I did enjoy my yummy carb fill of Marche bread and black sugar milk tea for 90 cents.

Getting very irritated because of the recurrent debates about Work Vs Holidays. I don't understand why you have to be so worked up at my severe lack of productivity, I mean why not you drop an email to NUS questioning them about the duration of the holiday. SHEESH. SERIOUSLY.

I wish Derk and Sash were around to knock some sense into me.

home

2010-07-06T21:53:00.003+08:00

I've gotten to like my new residence pretty much. Although it ranks low on transport and safety, it's a cosy little enclave in its own way. First of all, most of my neighbours are working, middle-class nuclear families. I know this because when I look out my kitchen window on a weekday nobody hangs their clothes out. Instead, all us average heartlanders - we probably wake up early to wait for a crowded peak hour bus to the MRT, and come home about 12 hours later to a hurried dinner (I know this because my view faces the kitchens of both neighbouring blocks) and repeat cycle until the Weekend. The Weekend is when the ah mas, ah peks and grand-relatives will visit or be visited and that's when the hawker centres and markets become SUPER crowded.

There is no lift on my floor. I highly dislike this because carrying your shiny new bicycle up and down is no joke, considering that I severely lack upper body strength. I also am very clumsy, I normally knock the back wheel of my bicycle (hard) whenever I try to contort its resting position within the puny lift.

There are two stray cats who frequent my flat, and more specifically my level. One is Twitch, she/he has a nice long tail that wags when happy and mews in response to whatever you say:
Are you hungry?
Meow.
Are you waiting for me?
Meow.
Are you injured because Ginger bit you?
Meow.
Speaking of which, Ginger is the other male cat and he comes to drink water. He is actually more aggressive than Twitch but he only fights as a last resort.

There is also a highly hyperactive boy who is still learning how to speak. He disturbs Twitch regularly but stops when 1) his mother screams 2) Twitch yowls.
He craves attention and I highly dislike this, but I try to tahan as much as I can.

The windows in my house remind me of my (maternal granny's place) -dark and frosted, while the little steps up to my gate bear the same resemblance. The kitchen is really huge (two sinks) and this just adds to my virgin noob love for baking. Ironically it is also very dark, you need the lights even in the day.

One plus point of my house is that you can get an uninterrupted night's sleep before the early alarm clock of the two strays yowling/drunken Chinese man spouting vulgarities next block, followed by my brother and then my handphone alarm. I haven't effectively attempted studying anything though, but I hope the general stillness won't distract me/lull me further to lala land.

I like to walk around my estate by myself, but lately this has fuelled my disgustingly spendthrift habits. Today I bought a baking tray, a nice rectangular one and I used it to bake my successful Butter Cake which turned out okay (I lavished on the butter and eggs this time). It's a little flaky though, I'm not sure what went wrong.

I went to visit Marina Bay Sands this week with Tings and KYP <3 Nice place, but will probably be my first and last trip there seeing as how one Manolo sets you back 1.6k MADNESS ttm.

In other news, I'm going to be UNEMPLOYED so I really need a new job that I can work at for 3-4 weeks ):
No cash, jocelyn sad.

12-16

2010-07-04T00:41:00.002+08:00

Pretty shiok week, I'd say. Last week had a coupla off days, spent it on walking Marina and attending the awesome Fuel (had to wait 20 minutes for the poor SBS with Gerald who was nice enough to wait with me even though had 2 other buses home). Saturday was Giant Day where we blew a sponsored bomb on groceries and stocked up on food. I am a happy girl because my fridge has never looked so welcoming before.

This week I attempted a series of first. Mostly dinner plans I'd say was a little annoyed with how unplanned things were but shrug. Monday night with Nirasha with our dear old Indian food (she looked really corporate in her attire), Tuesday night with Joel my dear brotherhood - talking over dinner about life and the curveballs it throws us and the similar pressures we face all with a gentle scoop of nostalgic ice cream. So far this is one of the few real weeks of holidays I've had and I've nua-ed it away at library, cycling around and doing some soul-searching.

Thursday was the highlight though! (: UBIN with my dear old Jonah, God bless the taxi driver who charged me 7 dollars less. Cycle, summit, shore, lunch (overpriced nasi lemak with diluted sugarcane), bus, Balderdash YAY Jocelyn is a very happy girl.

And of course there was Friday ;)

I've never felt the call to serve a community as strong as I feel it now, not even in IJ or CJ although of course the yields of service far surpasses any superficial glory of the moment. I've talked to people about it as well, and so far Derk's/Mel's opinion resonates strongly with me that when one prays one should be free of any bias whatsoever. This is what I've been praying for too, and today I experienced that great sublime feeling of a completely blank canvas to do His will (: Sharing during Discernment was like coming full circle for me because I encountered the exact same passage during my previous CG and I had a different intrepretation for it.
It's kind of like the song from Jesus Christ Superstar: I don't know how to love Him.
Nope, not in that sense but more of a How Do I Serve Him. Of course I do feel the pressure to do this and that, but what's more important for me right now is to let go and let God. Because I am incapable of making sound decisions so I'm leaving everything in His hands.

On a side note, I baked butter cake (: and have an idea for CA gathering potluck. Need more recipe ideas! And gotta start reading some stuff before school starts argh.

you can put the whale on me

2010-06-25T17:09:00.001+08:00

Freshmen Orientation Camp: Catholic style!

FOC was a blast, really and truly. I'm thankful to so many people who made it possible, from the uncertainty that haunted me since I stepped up as a Facilitator, right up to the main comm, co-facils and friends who been there for me (:

I went in feeling very angry, cranky and upset because of some residue matters - but I came out feeling refreshed and really energized. Prayers were answered in the form of a beautiful OG who were open to sharing and really enthusiastic about games - freshies, councillors, co-facils and main commers. Really enjoyed myself - be it playing crazy watermelon and wet sponges games, asking questions about my faith and even the stunned rabbit mania we got up to. FOC has really made me forge new friends that I typically won't get to see around, and I hope this is the start of something beautiful as well.

Jonah <3

YAWN

2010-06-13T22:07:00.002+08:00

So I guess I haven't really been having the time to blog since I already have micro-blogging in the form of Twitter. But all I can say is, the holidays are turning out pretty awesome and I'm losing track of time - just hope I can sustain the momentum when it comes to semester time in 1.5 months SIGH.

Although I sleep and wake up at the same times everyday I still feel this severe lack of a sleep deficit and everyone I've spoken to attributes it to my veryvery busy schedule slaving for a employer I feel no loyalty to, making a difference to a kid's life who probably won't remember me when he grows up and finally, doing nonsense things like going on despatch to ulu-fied places. There was this occasion when I really didn't know where the cab was headed and I had to call D to ask for directions ( because I knew he was slacking at work). I'd hate to be cooped up in an office job when I'm old(er), unless I can really find meaning in what I do - I guess the glamour appeals to people when they talk about Shenton way and client meets in flashy pencil skirts and formal wear. But if you look beyond the surface you'd ask yourself: do you really want to spend about 5-7 years feeling empty and void for 8 hours everyday?

I don't know. (need to ask my parents how they do it)

I also feel the inconvenience of my recurring mood swings and I hope it doesn't rear its ugly head during the crucial 4 days (large intake of breath). I know I have two awesome co-facils I can rely on but at the same time I want to give it my all too. Daryl says I don't have a social obligation to do things and he always semi-chides me for pushing myself too hard, but I always have this inner gnawing:
If I don't do it, who will? (typical Indian housewife mentality)

Speaking of which, FOC is really going to be an experience: old friends are coming back, new juniors coming in, and the usual suspects too - all at the same time and place. I hope I can make enough time for everyone and more importantly don't get too emotional when I share.

(Tired)

This weekend was packed too: Friday was outing with the fantastic four, Saturday was thanksgiving CG and dinner, and today was spent with co-facils and friendly befrienders.

I am excited, apprehensive, scared and worried at the same time.

OKAY I SHLD REALLY PACK MY BAG BEFORE I REGRET TMR MORNING WHEN I LEAVE FOR WORK+TUTOR and go to school. WHY AM I SO LAST MINUTE @)#(@UE$.

See? Mood swings.

holidays

2010-06-07T01:05:00.002+08:00

it's been happening so far and i'm really enjoying myself, stretching my energy over the limited weekends before the boredom that is inescapable work. so far, outings at swensens, newyork2, the vines, heartland trips, eating out, meeting old friends. last weekend and this weekend was pretty awesome:

last weekend:

i went with kathy on friday to tan at sentosa, then stayed over at hard rock hotel with the family. pretty neat interior, i like the all the rock themes and such, although an open concept for the shower needs some getting used to. walking ard resort world, had the feeling of escapism for it seemed someplace else. saturday morning to a buffet spread, and being late for the zoo trip - with daryl, andrew and carmen. more tanned, and a virgin fish spa experience.

this weekend:

friday night at church to drop by retreat, saw some old faces. then dinner at mcc with the cjc-ians: it was nice to see people whom i've haven't seen since last year perhaps, then for supper afterwards and heartfelt conversations. saturday i woke up and got my new bicycle, first trip was from tpy to amk steady la. then off for kite flying with css people at sk with kathy before rushrush over to HS for outreach, madddrush to get the posters and zoom to maj's car before she drove us over. met rachel (ntu) and it was so nice to see her after the random encounter in school ages ago! got a ride back home. then sunday it was lunch with guin and foo and mild shopping before going home and heading out again to the vines (:

i'm so tired that i'm not even using caps to start my sentences, now i'm attempting to pack my bag for camp tmr (missing mug and magazines) and i hope my sleeping bag will arrive in time haha (: providence ftw.

after the respite from the werkenglock, it's sad to know i'd be at the desk in a few days. but i guess i must be thankful for the company of good friends and the joy of seeing each other.

today's homily was quite enlightening- on suffering and how it had a redemptive quality. i'm making it a point to remember keynotes now so that i can help explain it to sister dearest. one more for the faith is heart warming and i hope i can journey together if possible.

wish money would fall from the sky at the rate i'm spending > earning, need to plan more budget trips (:

right now, i feel optimistic about the world and want to be there for everyone - dear worries, pls go away i'd deal with you another time.

pray for me!

xoxo

house and work

2010-05-22T23:58:00.003+08:00

I will always remember, the way I used to measure my height against the water heater during shower.

Or waking up to a beautiful sunrise/sunset.

The heartland noises from the bustle of the void deck, with gambling dens, kebayarobics, karoake.

English speaking neighbours.

Food exchanges during Christmas.

The little grandsons next door who play ping pong.

Opening up the cabinets to read a book the whole day.

Talking to my mom in the tiny kitchen.

Dusty study area.

The altar wall that was repainted so many times.

Library next door.

Walking to the MRT/market/church.

Feels like I'm leaving a part of me here - my brother often says he believes there's a soul in each house. I guess there are many memories, since so much effort was put into it. It's sad and nostalgic of course, for this won't be the final change, but I guess sometimes when the going gets tough, I should act tough and keep going.

The new one is really smaller and less accessible, no more dramatic views, plus problem with punctuality means I foresee many hurried moments when school reopens. No more random encounters with old friends then. Plus the neighbour seems to have conquered more than the obligated stretch of corridor.

Oh well. Hold on until it's over.

Work's a bore. I feel really guilty when I have to key in stuff, so unethical the way hundreds of animals are slaughtered each day at different places in different parts of the world. Colleagues have an admirable work ethic, it's almost like they bunk in overnight cos they never seem to leave the pigeon hole and hardly eat/take breaks. Insane shit, the work is never ending, and I'm the only temp around. Plus Chinese speaking environment 24/7.

Despatch is the only time when I feel free. Nice to talk a walk/cab all by myself into places I've never had the chance to visit. I'm at Raffles Place almost thrice a week and the food there is pretty awesome, albeit more expensive.

This week really tired me out! My. Slept a hell lot over the weekend and before you know it it's Sunday. ):

Wish I had more money and more time to go out, instead of being stuck in a shithole.

Can't wait for everything to be over! ): but that would also mean school wd be starting.

I miss my CA friends, specifically.

2010-05-17T23:08:00.002+08:00

I know that I'm an arts student, I should relish in the grey areas. But this is really killing me softly.

I wish I didn't get myself into the situation, as I pointed it out to myself, I am not fated for anykind of definite-ness in my life. It's a huge mess, and this week has been the epitome of it.

Thank you girlfriends for always being by my side, when I am at my awful needy and emotionally dependent moments.

I went to bed happy and content last night, knowing that God will be with me through it all, and tonight I feel absoutely deflated of all hope.

Mood swings.

Why is it always so complicated?

\0/

2010-05-02T00:02:00.003+08:00

a happy ending to what would have been otherwise a draining day.

finally got down to things after dragging my feet after an eon, inertia will be the death of me.

i disgust myself sometimes, on my complete lack of a backbone. always relying on others to relay information and asking for advice, when it's obvious what i'm supposed to do.

so that was a small step for moss, and a giant leap for mankind.

studying is a bitch and i know her personally. i cannot remember when was my last weekend that i spent that was NOT squinting at times new roman 12. this is atrocious. but i needa grit my teeth and wait for less than 48 hours to pass, because freedom awaits at 1500. too bad i haven't studied completely, revision is a snail and i think by the time i'm done even my grandson also ord.

(RAH)

when i think of css the first thing that comes to mind is the carride(s). usually strapped and directly behind driver. today was the same and first time in history honours room! (: i feel very motivated to do honours ~~if only i could redeem an otherwise unsalvagable cap.~~

i must have hope.

yawn, i'm so tired that i didn't even other editing this properly. ikr, malas ttm.

kk, seems like i need some sleep after the trauma today.

ciao~

edit: i have awesome friends (:

"will u catch me if i fall"

"no i wont... cause I'd be standing behind u making sure u wont even get the chance to fall"

mediocre

2010-04-25T18:56:00.002+08:00

I've known you since young, I've watched you ace everything, I feel kinda in awe every time I'm in your presence - you always seem to have it all, be it looks, brains, leadership, the works.

Now you're acing it as usual, in an entirely new community in a different time zone, with the support of people who probably just got acquainted with you, I'm watching your video, and you still inspire me with your confidence, the poise, the strut and the overwhelming support from the audience.

It just makes a feel, a little, well, inadequate sometimes - with my probably local degree, lack of CCA, another face in the crowd while you're the one that faces the crowd every day.

We're miles apart, and it just sometimes get me thinking,

am I really happy with the way things are? Or is there perhaps, a higher purpose, a nobler cause and greater calling to which I'm either indifferent, or unaware of.

I wish I didn't have such inertia, reluctance to embrace a new horizon, instead I'm a bigfatwuss.

I bet your holidays are more exciting than me, you probably have a jetsetting lifestyle, attending those bigass conferences, meeting other brilliant people, stellar results, stunning presentations, and the vibrancy of your life makes mine pale in comparison.

(pasture's always greener on the other side)

I wish I could just stop comparing and be grateful, but sometimes things like that really stops me in my track. This is the part where you expect me to say, Oh, but at least I'm always near to my friends, and get to eat local food, and be near my family, but well - I just think,

what if I'm not here, but somewhere else?

Would I still be the same person I am.

Just thinking out aloud.

2010-04-10T19:31:00.001+08:00

People have forgotten that the whole point of journalism is to find the Truth and bring it to the masses.

Now it's just some mass sensationalizing, revenue motivated hype.

panic much.

2010-04-07T21:28:00.002+08:00

Feeling a little lousy, because I got my paranoid friend all upset when I didn't reply his sms/phone conveniently died (super strange trend now that I'm excessively twitting/fb-ing after Easter) and he thought I was waiting for him and got all worried and called/offline messaged and texted me.

Hmph, I should really get down to replying smses and picking up calls.

Waiting for Mr Foo to call, I think talking to him is like comprain comprain comprain, lol. We are all such negative people it's scary how we get by life sometimes.

V v tiring week and times ahead, submitted 2113 on Monday and felt really momentarily relieved, now am still working on 3227 which is due Friday and I am screwed seriously Jude save me. Can't believe I have to research for every ___ paragraph it's really madness but I HOPE this pays well, because I'd treat it as revision for the test on Monday.
Gah, sour week much.

Had to skip weekday mass I think A is probably judging me already for ultimate UNtime management, and then when I reached home all I did was to fall asleep, wake up feeling nauseous, throw up and then I guess the ONLY happy thing was that my Threadless tees are here! (:
My family's really happy with the selections, was totally dreading what the men might have to say about unblack shirts, but they are okay with it so I'm happy as can be (:

Dinner was comforting guavas, just eating it made me feel all nostalgic because I used to eat them almost everyday in secondary school before rushing off for HMT.

I keep telling myself that I won't miss anything but I keep doing it all over again. What's wrong with me :/

Need to focus wait later my cap plunge alamak.

Shitshitshit haven't read Vathek and it's Wednesday shitshitshit.

(:

2010-04-02T19:37:00.003+08:00

One of those days when you have Mraz in your system, God in your soul, ~~and deadlines~~. A deep quiet happy calm, that you can only get when you ask to let go and let God.

Very grateful for the people in my life, and for the special girl who is coming back next week (:
I hope I can continue to feel as connected.

woman put your weapon down

2010-03-30T23:43:00.002+08:00

For reasons unknown to me, I am strangely indifferent to my looming deadlines. Kind of in a lalala mood, until the weekend when I become Le Kancheong Spider and mood out. Repeat cycle. Sighsighsigh.

Weekend 10 was super memorable, it was the first time I went out for 3 days in a row and I felt pretty deviant about it. I also, did not get much done. Mass was fun, dinner thereafter was fun with good company. Saturday night was fun, despite Earth Hour which one should never celebrate when outside, the ride was fun, so was ice-cream. Sunday was fun too, dragons are entertaining and really cute actually. New love > Broomsticks yeah.

I am surprised at my good luck, did not get thrown out of class for not completing the novel. Also been paying overdue fines for books which I never got down to reading. And people, are really judgmental when I say I watch movies every week. Please, it's for my module lor. Aka film appreciation (insert snooty French accent). So far, this week has been okay -Daryl did not annoy me THAT much, my printer's black ink isn't dying, and I did my readings ((:

Holy week this week marks the final journey before Easter and the end of my facebook fasting. I do feel the urge to say alot, but now after 40 days (okay technically sundays are not counted) I don't feel that great a temptation. Guess self-control is always awesome. And lately, Twitter updates are pretty cool (: Follow me if you wanna, it's for my school assignment.

Today's exciting highlights - Western Stall opened, Kathy and I heard a full symphony of birds a la Night Bird Park safari and we were so amused we stuck our heads beyond the railings, I overslept, I didn't eat lunch, AND I read 77 pages!

I hope God continues to watch over me (:

/mad.

2010-03-21T22:41:00.002+08:00

I think my friends are pretty awesome, really. I really wouldn't have survived this week without them, no shit. I'm not kidding when I say this week was horrible, because of my horrendous big mouth and curt ways (me thinks it was my drowsy medicine that made me irritable). Everything was just so screwed up, right until Friday when I got my soci essay back. And that made me really appreciate St Jude for helping me out even though I know I don't usually ask for his help.

It's kinda sad when the happiest moments of your life are determined by your grades.

I keep telling myself there's more to life than this, but each time the happiest and saddest moments of my semester are yep, you guessed it, dependent on my grades.

I guess you could say I was kinda grumpy this week, my recurrent Poet's cough that signals my eventual early death, and all the workload just kept piling up.

I'm happy for meeting up with Marie, Carmen and Fishy this week.

Also wish to express my gratitude to my CSS friends, Charmsy -who kept encouraging me with her texts, even though she didn't have to. Am also abusing her to read my essay which I have to present tomorrow. Wish me luck! Also thanks to people like Uncle Daryl who took the bus home with me because he thought I was down on Tuesday (he later said actually he just didn't want a boring ride home -_-) and keep asking me to lighten up.

I'm also very grateful to Damien for calling me on Wednesday - it meant alot to me too. Even though yeah it was right in the middle of doing ssa project.
I'm not picky la. I'm just very discerning and right now, my cap is all that matters to me.

Here's to another crazy week of school, this week I actually don't intend to skip anything plus attend netball and cg so wish me luck cos I'd be super ggzz on Wednesday night.

Also to read my last novel, after reading the stupid ivanwhore.

I HOPE I CAN ATTEND MASS THIS WEEK IN SCHOOL, my weekends are getting really really boring and routine. Need some excitement in my life. I can't wait for Frips to be back too. (:

Time to print lecture notes.

cough

2010-03-12T14:01:00.002+08:00

Because I am bored out of my mind and my head feels totally unsuited for doing something intensive like reading my numerous novels, I shall provide a detailed and boring account of how I came to be sick. It was probably a multitude of factors, ranging from bad lifestyle habits (cold showers at midnight), eating dinner late (CG dinner), having backtoback days(Tuesdays with netball) and not forgetting the irregular eating habits.

Gosh, I feel like smacking myself cos my unwellness is usually self-imposed.

It was a really horrible week with two mid terms but I'm glad it's all over (just ask me how I was late for my soci paper and had only 40 minutes DIE). Now everything has nicely manifested itself in Le Irritating Cough (D suspects it's a viral infection from the library).

It was totally okay last night, I mean I kept having to drink alot of water while I was typing out my part for SSA.

Then when I went to bed, I realised I couldn't sleep at all, and I was having these alternate hot and cold spells. Totally irritated because I didn't sleep and had to tell my mom about it at 6am.

And guess what, I threw up FOUR FREAKING TIMES TODAY. Like wth man, I didn't even eat anything I don't even know what I'm throwing up. -.-

And I was in this comatose state whereby I slept fitfully for 20 minutes and woke up to the sound of OKTO (they showed Postman Pat and Domo today!).

Boo hiss hiss. This is so not how I imagined my free day to be.

Alright, off to another round of sedated sleep. My red beans paus are holding up marvellously, let's pray for me to get better-er soon! (:

tick tock, goes the clock.

2010-03-06T23:27:00.005+08:00

Every morning we pack our bags, hastily stuffing our notes/lectures/stationery and scrambling for the bus that comes at an unpredictable minute, grabbing a donut or perhaps, wholemeal bread(for the health-conscious). We hurry along, to the bus stop, frantic pacing up and down, vexed frowns etched deeply, glances at the werkenglock, that determines the fixed structure of our daily life. We MUST arrive at approximately 8 o'clock 30 seconds past, for that is the only time we have to look for our equally vexed lecture friend who has arrived at approximately 7 49 to save us that seat 4rows from the left right row near the aisle.

805.

Then, we'd look exasperatedly at the lecturer who has a thick accent because we are all cosmopolitan like that and it's politically incorrect to ridicule differing nationalities because we are all but One, yes indeed One people One nation. The lecturer will drone on and on about some theory invented by a person who is probably dead buried and a forgotten surname but surprise it appears on the textbook every other chapter with footnote and a tragic biodata.

957.

We'd rush to the canteen, impatiently shoving your way down the runway, mindfully aware of our distastefully arranged attire in the stupor of the dawn, enviously glancing at hot legs and toned bodies, flat bellies and perfectly coiffed hair. We'd run, run little rabbit run, to the nearest queue, probably the cheapest and also the most inedible.

1053.

After which we'd attend a tutorial, in which we'd secretly cuss and swear internally while maintaining a facade of calm intellect, because we have probably

a) not done our readings

b) done the incorrect readings

c) forgotten to bring along the useful notes from lecture

In any case, we are not prepared and we just don't care. Or rather, not yet. That's because our main worry is on projects of boring content, subjects of boring content, and essays of boring content.

147.

We learn to sleep late, wake early, to incorporate greater discipline. We cancel on friends, back out of plans, prioritise. Time is channeled we'd rather not be, we have little time for ourselves, we have things to finish, people to meet, deadlines to rush.

We do not even sigh, because there is no time to breathe in the first place. We forget God's support, relying instead on our human nature that we believe can get us through the battle.

We get upset with the unreliance of public buses, we clamour for the best seats, nap fitfully during long rides, squeeze in a chapter of a novel, and hurriedly eat our cold dinner.

We shower, but those are not drops of water that bombard us, but shards of reminders of tick-tock.

Then we proceed to complete our unfinished business, and print our notes as soon as we can, because

we have a bag to pack.

340.

Arbeit marche fret - for we work towards our freedom, and freedom is enslavement to the very system we detest.

one less for the sisterhood

2010-03-03T09:51:00.001+08:00

One more has taken the plunge.

Sometimes I am amused and amazed why I am even in a position to offer any insight when I have yet to toe the line.

this isn't going anywhere

2010-02-28T13:12:00.002+08:00

Screaming doesn't solve the problem, but sometime it makes you feel better.

I finally got me ass down to writing that doggone essay, matey. >:/ After fretting and thinking that I have absolutely nothing substantial and no relevant intellectual quotes, I have managed a BS-worthy

1, 011.

That is a feat (clap clap). On the downside, attempting to work on a paper in 3 hours is a terrible thing to do, alas my back screamed MehCee and I was really quite drained thereafter, had to ask friends to proofread despite my conclusion-less state. I have Le Horror that is Mid-terms starting tomorrow and was just unfortunately informed that the test covers videos in lectures as well. Alas, all I can remember are the sadly redundant things like the PigeonImpossible clip and the TechnoBreak questions. Woewoewoe.

Things are a little better now, despite being wary I suppose - at least I'm happy it's normal-ler than what it was. :) Jocelyn sucks. She doesn't even know how to throw a tantrum. FAIL.

I am lazy and feel like missing ceegee this week. I know CM will vaporize me if she decides to go and I PS. Haha. So Much Work :/ Need to really start on things proper.

I will now attempt to hypnotise my NM lectures into embedding themselves in jpeg format in my brain. 35% is insane, if I were to think of switching major I better, do, well, like seriously.

P.S Always thought that girls were more complicated but it seems there's competition. Stupid Y chromosomes.

i'm on a boat

2010-02-25T12:43:00.002+08:00

What a week man. Sleep habits are officially not good, after one night of no sleep and then another night of 7 hours, then another night of 5. Yay me, I really really need to get some discipline.

The horror of the project is finally OVER, what a time it was trying to edit and reedit the word count, what with phantom members and dropping of modules :( Guess God must think I'm made of steel of something.

We had CG yesterday - it was pretty relevant for me seeing as how I was pretty worried about everything but usually God makes it okay :) Afraid I have no deep spiritual input with me, just that I was pretty jaded on Monday night thinking about everything and then total turnabout on Wednesday. Makes me feel superficial at times when Faith can only be reaffirmed by a happy ending.

Things are pretty strange now, I never thought of it that way but along comes someone to put things into perspective. I should really watch what I say next time, and how often I say it.

Note to God: Please don't grant me all that I wish for - especially if it's stupid.

Another project, 2 essays, 1 presentation, and 3 midterms coming right up.

Go, Jocelyn.

so then i was like

2010-02-21T19:36:00.003+08:00

I always have this wild imagination of mine - for NUS to be Hogwarts. I wish we could zoom in our Firebolts (Nimbus for me because I'm a girl on a budget), avoiding the ERP gantries, and shouting "In your face!" at the insane morning traffic on the AYE and PIE. If only Clementi were Hogsmeade, to walk around and buying Butterbeer, plenty of yummy chocolate frogs and nibbling on beans during lectures.

I guess one consolation why NUS ISN'T Hogwarts is because steps are a super hazard, let along moving staircases. I wouldn't mean having a snowy owl though, so that it can fly to the Deck and get me my Mocha (secret to staying awake because I don't like normal coffee, yes atas I know).

Yesterday was an emotionally terrible day - all I can do is sit and cry and cry and cry. Did I mention cry? Because I am hopeless sometimes and feel awfully desolate. Praise be that TODAY was so much better after going for mass. Managed to get two things done - now I gotta be studying my ass for the mid term test on Tuesday before having project discussion later tonight.

Sigh, me is productivity personified. Or not.

I am tutoring this week! I really hope I can manage.

3.

2010-02-19T18:26:00.002+08:00

I went to watch Bright Star today - an arts movie on the life of Keats - with the EN3227 people. Kindly sponsored by our dear lecturer/tutor :) It was pretty depressing (all Romantic poets' lives are standard sad) and talking to Daryl thereafter had the similar effect of somewhat making me feel, a little inferior. I half suspect I may be one of those "frivolous little creatures" who walk around pretending that they are a Lit major when in essence I have the intellectual capacity of a peanut.

I feel like this week I haven't been really studying, apart from trying to finish up random projects and read random stuff.

This made me laugh yesterday:

" When I was young I thought that the zoo closes earlier so that they can move the animals to the night safari before it opens!" -Kathleen

2.

2010-02-18T23:57:00.001+08:00

God in His infinite goodness sometimes sees fit to test our courage and love by depriving us of the things which it seems to us would be advantageous to our souls; and if He finds us earnest in their pursuit, yet humble, tranquil and resigned to do without them if He wishes us to, He will give us more blessings than we should have had in the possession of what we craved.

-- St. Philip Neri

One small step for Moss, and one giant leap for Mossykind.

rant

2010-02-16T23:10:00.002+08:00

because there's only less than an hour left before we should all strive to be (more) Christ-like (than we already are) and bow not to temptations, let me just say -

WHAT THE FUCK.

1) I have no idea wtf my EN3227 questions are asking.

“The overreacher is an important figure and symbol for English Romantic writing.” (Be aware that this question, if chosen, is going to make you think v. hard about how to fulfill the ‘poet’ requirement –‘Rime’ is an obvious choice, but ‘transgressor’ is not necessarily an ‘overreacher’ even though an ‘overreacher’ is always a transgressor of sorts…)

like it's already not bad enough, I didn't even know when it was due until I had to text Daryl. AND, guess what, I have ZERO on me. NOTHING. NADA. Fuck. Seriously, I don't even know who to consult ;( and I'm supposed to have an outline soon?

2) NM Project. WTF. It's going to be Wednesday tomorrow and I haven't gotten started. God I know you trust me and love me alot but can we please hold the horses on my capacity to multi task. Like it's already not bad enough that I'm working part-time AND there's a shepherd meeting which I obviously can't attend, how am I supposed to fit in an online meeting?! OMG. Hyperventilating.

3) Did I mention it's ASH WEDNESDAY as well?! OMG, I can't go for mass?!

4) IvanWHORE. Scott is bloody boring my ass off, I keep falling asleep/distracted every 7 pages because he wants to TALK SO DAMN MUCH about the stupid descriptions.

5) Omg, this break is turning out worse than I thought it'd be. So much for trying to catch up.

6) Soci newspaper article, where oh where have you disappeared to ):

I AM SO SCREWED. Well done, Jocelyn. What I would like right now, is for a sensible person/friend/stranger that I'm comfortable with to give me a nice HUG and tell me it's all going to work out. Before I die an premature death.

help me.

P.S Taylor Swift, you broke many a boy's heart with your airhead performance. I'm pretty sure you're alot more smarter than what the role portrayed you to be, I just wish Hollywood wouldn't easily stereotype roles just because it's a celebrity appearance etc.

semi-inspired postings

2010-02-15T12:24:00.002+08:00

Week 5 was insane. I am so glad it's over, along with the big bang weekend of CNY and Valentine's Day. Week 5 was insane, for the reasons stated below:

1) An exceptionally rushed presentation/discussion for EN tutorial - despite my pushing for meetups and compilations but of course, lit majors being lit majors, nothing was done and panic ensured (for at least two of us) 1 hour leading to tutorial. I was honestly so super duperbly annoyed but according to Mel Chue, the discussion was actually interactive and organised so I hope the lecturer thinks likewise.

2) I slept pretty late. I know, it's morphing into a horrible habit as of late(pun unintended) and even Abel and Daryl have pointed it out that I should be sleeping early. It's not like I am even vaguely productive. Sigh.

3) Week 5 was Le Week of getting started on the numerous projects that await - NM survey, EN mid-terms, EN presentation on Ivanhoe (Ivanwhore because it's a ridiculously thick book oh why oh why) and our SSA fieldtrip report.

4) 5th week of not attending Fuel. I am rather upset with myself over this matter, for failing to honour even the most basic of commitments. I have no idea why my Fridays are so insanely hapz -even if I don't make plans, plans are made for me that kind of thing.

However, I did enjoy Week 5 because:

1) It was the week before mid term break! How not to enjoy I ask you. The pseud0 feeling of abandon and partial negligence because you still have 1 week to save your sorry ass.

2) We visited Haw Par Villa - this sad excuse for a "cultural tourist attraction". Albeit the complete lack of human inhabitation and the humidity of the ethnic sun, walking around aimlessly was rather enjoyable too. And wouldn't you know, I forgot my SD card so I had to run to Mel's room to grab her camera (very distraught and dramatic run)

3) CAW <3>

4) Pepe's farewell on Friday -lovely Japanese dinner (too much MSG I suspect though, we were horribly thirsty), failed jump shots in a public location (who cares right, we are not 20 yet) and waiting for the girls to try on new clothes. Best fun I've had in a long while with the familiarity of old faces.

So I guess week 5 wasn't so bad after all, because for every shadow there's a sunny spot of sunlight. Now if only I were semi inspired to start on my works of the week. Weekend just zoomed past, major irony considering I don't even celebrate. I drove around Seletar yesterday though under supervision and I had a lovely view of clouds. Sorry Wordsworth, clouds are never lonely. They are highly sociable beings, because they always seem to be having company.

I also just wiped and cleaned my laptop (i.e Harry Potter). Harry smells of Dettol now and my fingers feel smudgy like disinfectant. I think Harry is deeply thankful that I decided to invest some time in him after negligence. Gosh I should never have children.

Alright, have a good mid-term break people.

Raindrops

2010-02-06T22:41:00.003+08:00

Pretty hard week, considering the attack I got on my nerves so far. Started the week in a flurry of panic since I didn't manage to watch The Seven Year Itch on Monday and tutorial the next day, and lecturer apparently borrowed it too :| Was really panicking because I don't like to go to a class totally unprepared (this sem seems unbullable sadly) so I guess really have to thank JK for helping me stream it onto laptop so I had to go over to watch it. @__@ really sleepy and was inwardly groaning high opportunity costs (always feel guilty).

Okay, I guess my lecturer for EN isn't that scary after all - but she does place alot of emphasis on assignments so I guess I was panicking again last night because I couldn't remember when my 3000 word essay was due. I also vaguely remember something about a test either this/next week I AM SO SCREWED ;( I feel like no matter what I study or how much, it's just not syncing.

Guess God lets us know that we can always turn to Him whenever the going gets tough - he's been placing small little reminders from lovely friends whenever I feel like crying. Thanks D for the lovely email it made me laugh :) Was feeling pretty miffed about how meeting turned out, so much for work ethics. Thankfully it didn't turn out to be a wasted trip because things were actually discussed. Dinner was awesome too, first time eating out with the bunch of them - pretty eventful car trip with poor Potato squashed without space.

CG was pretty ineffective for me this week since I admit, I was a wuss and didn't want to share much. But what do you know, in the end I still ended up talking about what was bugging me to D. Dinner was nice too, pretty much testing the BeepBeep theory on unsuspecting souls but in the end my bubble burst on Friday when Shankar refuted it very calmly.

"Life is too short, don't take it too seriously"

I think as I grow older, my humour does too. Not the funny person anymore I'm afraid.

But I guess I really have to DEAL with things now, since I'm all grown up and learn how to take charge of situations sometimes.

Orientation was pretty nice going back for! (: Reached CJC with WQ and we were randomly walking around Quadrangle bumping into juniors and council teachers before heading down to visit Co-op Aunty who engaged us in the perils of University. Gosh, how I miss the CJC Canteen - it's really a timeless experience sitting there lepaking and being half mindful of the "toot, toot, toot" bell. Timeless because we lose track of time just talking over our bi-fruit juices and chocolate rolls (Deli aunty remembered my order was very impressed). Saw Miss Yang as well. Before heading upstairs to watch Finale Afternoon/Evening. Despite the drowning ringing in my ears, felt really at home sitting down, listening to Maj's familiar rants, Cherie's hyperlameable self ("Omg I can SMELL their sweat! OYA. OHNO") and walking around to the toilets and the very freezing LT5/6 (can't remember). No matter how much older I get, I think this place will have a special place in my heart. We learnt about symbolic interactionism in school this week and it's true - people do attach meanings to places and things. For me, that's CJC. I can't possibly imagine myself elsewhere. Too much memories here, lovely, some sad, but mostly good.

Was actually having a deep conversation with a friend about about "aren't you a little old to be going back" and stuff. Part of me was angry at first, after all, to each her own and if I'm patriotic to my school so be it. Then I decided to be more rational about the matter and I realised, my whole life I've been pledging my loyalty to organisations - first IJ Council, then CJC, then CJC33rd and CA. My life is basically defined by the groups of people. And I was a little afraid I guess. Seems like there's not much of a real me. Is there? I don't know.

I have no idea where my future is headed too, much less the things I'm involved in uni. God help me make sense. And Jac, please interceed. :) Lovely house and family you have btw.

In all this pray, Amen.

Today.

2010-01-30T01:29:00.002+08:00

Today I felt happy, I felt close and connected, the buzz and rush that comes when you are (always) in the presence of God. Thought I could never reclaim that way you feel when you have morning masses in CJC, but I felt it in a certain university during campus mass. It's nice to know that no matter how much we desert him, he never forsakes us. That the more we try to run away so much, the irony remains that we draw nearer. That telling ourselves that we won't dig ourselves the same old hole, doesn't matter now because our focus will remain.

I kept telling myself that I didn't want to do this, that I had enough and was over, that 12 years of this was already pushing the limit -get up, get out, get a life, try something new.

Here I am.

Right where you left me, thought I'd never come back. Thought I'd enough of commitments, running around like an engineered clock. Here I am, running back to you, with your arms wide open, waiting for me.

Waiting, in your promise. My promise.

I'm thankful, you know how I am when it comes to personal prayers - I'm touched that you answered.

Thank you.

I pray for you my dear friend - that in this uncertainty you can find His peace in your heart. I learnt in EN lecture that we humans always desire and hunger for this need to know, to comprehend, attach meaning to things. But the True Romantic finds content in being in that gray area - of not knowing and yet, being perfectly at ease. Maybe life's like that too - be happy not knowing. It's surprising that way too.

Have a good Orientation, CJC. Miss you like hell crazy.

Dear God.

2010-01-22T01:25:00.002+08:00

I am grateful, for the trials that come my way.

For my senses of sight, touch, taste, smell and touch. That despite the human limitations of such senses, I can appreciate your beauty with in my humility.

That every week brings with it emotional roller coasters, the uncertainty of not knowing, the raising of expectations, the mother readings, the 8am schedules, the rush of public buses, the huff and puffs, the exhuastion of 2ams.

That despite what every week brings, I can face it thanks to your strength that empowers me, my friends who support me.

That despite the absence of loved friends, time differences, faded memories bring a little smile on those heavy days.

For friends who respond to dire conditions. For friends to respond to their dire conditions.

Late night dinners, sleepy eyes, blurred visions.

The pragmatism career demands, decisions influenced by needs, choices adhering to the needs of others.

I thank you God.

For free rides home, for lonely reflections, for the hassle of modules, incomprehensible lectures, far away lectures, appetite loss, mediacorp's improving TV shows.

I know you are there for me.

When I'm down, when I'm lost, a failure, crippled by expectations, coping with change.

Guess I needed to thank you.

Week 1 - I'd Roger that.

2010-01-17T12:23:00.003+08:00

Super eventful week, it's been a whirlwind of activities, long due meetups, rushing for lectures, crazy Tuesday back to backs, the usuals. This week met up with the class girls and seren before she leaves tonight, also met up with 7-11 before pepe leaves. Thank goodness I decided to go back to school on Friday, for strange reasons Deck was pretty crowded so I managed to glimpse OG people as well :)
Ushering for Wo Bu Shi Li Bai - mainly Chinese speaking crowd from China, pretty much useless at communicating except for directions to the loo. I think seniors are pretty helpful in imparting 200 per cent knowledge to newbies which was really nice of them. Gallant senior who even didn't mind sacrificing half his dinner so I will not be hungry (I stupidly forgot to eat dinner before reporting because I was too immersed in table soccer at RH).
Saturday was equally packed as well, attended CJC's Bye Brother mass in chapel (most of CA went back to sing/read like good old times!) and let me say that the chapel, true to Brother's words, is inspiring. When I sat there, I felt like I was transported to an entire new dimension, not like in the old prayer room where we are scuttling to keep everything after morning mass because we can hear the morning bell. SO LOVELY <3
I will really miss Brother and all that's he done for us, from interviewing me right after my appeal back during second intake, to giving me a second chance, his ominous presence during morning assembly when we went up to say prayer, hovering around during night study etc. So many memories, I'm too lazy to type - just re read my 2008 entries. In his stint here, he was the Builder, the Disciplinarian, the Strategist. So many roles, it's amazing.
Full of love for my CJC (:

After Chapel Mass, attended Dinner and Fellowship with the year 1s - and then cabbed home because it was pretty late.
Sigh, I hate Sundays sometimes because you wake up knowing there is this OVERDUE list of things you haven't done over the weekend. Readings etc. SIAN.
Back to work I guess.

and i thank you, lord.

2010-01-08T11:46:00.003+08:00

Despite the growing skeptism, disbelief, refuting, questioning, doubting - sometimes He really makes his presence known. In one week I can go through from a total down to a smiley face up and that is quite wonderful in that sense. Wonderful because no matter how depressed, upset, disappointed and spiritually empty one may feel, there's also a special force (even if one may not acknowledge it as a higher one) that gives you that feeling. That community that's behind you, praying, caring, kind words and concerned questions, to rope you in, involve you.

Mixed feelings about starting sem now. On one hand, I feel excited, after all December was spent with a new found group of friends with whom meetups have been constant in the name of CAW - taking a module with them, seeing them at lectures/tutorials. And on the other, the growing divide of the OG, whom I've never had the chance to see at all, neither will I be taking common mods except the few faithfuls of course.

And besides all the confused friendship ties of varying social circles, perhaps there is a resentment and discontent with this bitter recurrent cycle - the launch into another 12/15 weeks of travelling, projects, deck lunches, late nights and petty fights. Too bad we don't have any other option huh.

Holidays have been gratefully awesome I can say - this is the first time I'm actually going out regularly and the feeling of going to bed at night knowing that you have Time on your hands and can tweak your schedule is great. Carolling, house visits, seeing my beautiful CJC people, eating out, Bugis <3, catching up with old friends, one day escape to JB, SPCA - this is truly, what a break should encapsulate. A temporary retreat and repriortizing what Life should really be about. Thank you, God. I am very grateful.

Of course, as with anything, there's also the usual hiccups, and tutoring may turn out to be a problem now - without a source of income, I guess I may have to resign my fate at the UCC. I wish money could fall from the sky sometimes.

P.S The train ride home was very entertaining yesterday - there was this hyper kid next to us who was "at the phase where colours and moving objects excite him" and was practically squealing with excitment at the HDB flats and carparks. After which we amused ourselves in a silly game of me tickling him and he keeling over. Thank goodness his grandma was there to literally catch him when he fell.

Kids. Love them, hate them.

just getting just a little fragile

2010-01-04T21:32:00.003+08:00

I did something really idiotic and stupid today. Or more like, didn't.

I really don't feel I'm supposed to be in uni, term is starting next week and so are the insecurities. I don't even know whether I can get the damn module because I ~~fucking~~ forgot about closed bidding and now I'm really feeling a multitude of negative emotions directed at myself. I wish someone could be my superhero but maybe my magic S is within me and I'm just being the retard I am.

I feel inferior, and really stupid compared to Them, I keep saying maybe I'm just not putting enough effort but how can it be, when I did all I could and not still not get it. I'm not superstitious but perhaps it's really bad luck on my side, accumualated karma that strikes due to the unfortunate actions of others. What goes around doesn't come back to you, but to the people around you. Why I miss my bus, why I never get what I want, why today the BTC did not bloody stop at the busstop but went to Law instead, why things turn out way different from what I expected, why my results are just so , damn, lousy.

I think I'm really a semi-Epsilon moron or something. That must be it. I'm sorry, God. I know you created me in your own image but somehow I think you must have skipped a step or two when you made me.

I am clueless, faithless, knowledgeless and pretty soon, module-less again. The kid's mother texted me today to resume again, and she moved house so I have to travel even FURTHER to her bigger and ulu-er house. Murphy thinks I'm his Pavlov Dog.

Looks like the 3 day week might just be another unattainable ideal.

I will not cry.

2010-01-03T22:43:00.002+08:00

Even though I hate farewells, even though I can never get used to the fact that people walk in and out of lives - but I will be brave, put on a happy face, smile for the camera, and wish you all the best for the next 6 months.

~~Seriously an emokid~~

2010

2010-01-01T20:25:00.002+08:00

Drop the past year into the silent limbo of the past, let it go for it was imperfect, and thank God that you can let it go.
-rephrased, Atkinson

Resolutions have been made on Facebook, I hope I can keep them this time although people say the joy comes from break them. No I don't think so, I like to honour my word actually and I feel a great sense of accomplishment from doing so :)

Horribly unfit ever since I dropped out of DB and Frisbee, I haven't been doing much actually. In fact must have exhuasted myself from Advent running about, and my only exercise this week was carrying Hom Mali rice and walking around the estate. Argh how! I need to find a new way to keep fit before I melt into a huge puddle of blubber oh no.

I am annoyed with some people right now (not a good way to start the year). Okay not annoyed, I think I am just petty I wish you could remember things. And not make things inconvenient for me! And also to you, please don't do something stupid. Seriously I don't want to be responsible I already told you my viewpoints stop being so damn stubborn and MOVE on.

I've been having this huge dilemma about my hair actually, the entire 2009 I think I must have cut it a gazillion times. Carmen always points out that each time she meets me I just cut my hair. I also have been co-ercing my friend Jerome to shave his head with me. HAHA. It's just of those crazy ideas I've been entertaining for Hair for Hope this year. I just feel it would make such a huge difference if I may be bold enough to do so. However I think my parents might just have cardiac arrest.

See la, first day of 2010 and already I'm self-initating my problems. Haha.

Falalala

2009-12-27T23:55:00.002+08:00

I don't feel the urge to blog as often as I used to in the past? Maybe it's because of my increasingly short attention span nao a days with all the FUN STUFFZ for the holidays. Past week has been a blast actually! Been house visiting, Fishy's for some baking escapades and then to Abel's for CAW meeting. Amazing hospitality! Last week I really coudn't keep track of the days at all, especially the weekend. On Christmas Eve I had a damn funny time hunting for my clothes because I am a last minute kancheong spider who did not have anything new to wear for Christmas and my mother has alot of superstitions. So I went with Carmen to Bugis as we climbed over railings because it was too crowded HAHA tak glam tak glam! Then I walked around FOR SUPER LONG until it was 7pm plus before I got me clothes.
Christmas was quiet, I literally spent it in front of the TV and then some horrible stuff cropped up was pretty upset. Thank you all my dear Favourites for always listening to me what would I do without you (: seriously h8 men sometimes.
Yesterday I drove! WOOHOO! So exciting, even though plenty of second opinions in the car non stop after which the ironic comment that "feel free to make your own judgment". And of course I still take very long to park, because I am anal like that and I want it to be perfectly IN THE LOT WHEELS STRAIGHT.
I baked today from scratch how awesome! (: Pretty tiring work, started at about 4ish and only ended at 9 omg no break in between. Of course I was pretty annoyed because what I wanted was quite different from the end result due to SECOND OPINIONS and altering ingredients and OMG WHERE WAS THE WOODEN SPOON. My arm is really sore now which means I haven't been exercising sigh but I have containers and containers of CHOCOLATE COOKIES! YAY.

Looking forward to EGGCITING WEEK AHEAD.

Aftermath

2009-12-21T22:40:00.002+08:00

I needn't have worried after all, God's intervention was awesomite so we had an awesomite ADVENTure camp! (: Finally able to breathe a huge sigh of relief after 3 days of hardcore saikang with Andrew. It was really nice being able to match the names to the faces and the faces to the names, mingling and our late night debriefs. The group tasks were pretty darn cool, due to Programme's planning - Wise Men went to IKEA in search of gifts, Angels intercept us, Mary cooked spaghetti, Joseph and his biodegradable donkey and the shepherds built the manger! (: A pity we didn't manage to take enough photos, comm members could only be at one place at one time (I of course, defied this).
During the course of the camp, Jocelyn Jockhim, true to her Log/Admin status, was:
Cleaning
Sweeping
Mopping
Refilling the water dispenser
Stirring the cordial/milo
Paying caterer
Running
Walking
Hopping (Broke my slipper)
Wiping
Clearing trash
and any other suitable gerund you can think of, insert here.

Cabbed there from my place with Beck Jerome Andrew cos of all the log items, and the cleaning aunty was so surprised I could speak in Tamil that she went out of her way to give me bleach and cleaning liquid ;) Of course, I also got to see the nicer side of people of whom I had a different impression which was pretty great. Plus the star gazing we had at night under the clear unobstructed night sky thanks to Janice's wow identification of ALL the stars. Not to mention the awesome supper :D Thank you Marie's MUM ah!

Came home yesterday (had a ride home) and crashed until evening, only to realise I missed class lunch ): Sigh, guess this weekend's been a camp of HIGH HIGH OPPORTUNITY COSTS.

Today, saya pergi ke Malaysia dengan emak saya. Kami jalan jalan di shopping centre dan membeli belah barang barang. Saya pergi ke kedai rambut, dan makan di Restoran Hong Kong, ada sedap makan bagus sekali. Selapas itu, kami menaiki bas dan keretapi balik rumah.

Happy, content and looking forward to this Christmas more than ever (: Thanks for opening up my eyes God to what Advent is truly about! (P.S Had a midnight mass in cold cold room)

:/

2009-12-18T00:04:00.002+08:00

Had a round of HTHTs this week, thanks to my awesome buddies who always catch me when I am falling. Thanks for hearing me out, so annoyed with person but have to grit my teeth and bear with it because of the pain that is hierarchy. Seriously annoyed that people can't even spare a thought that you are a GIRL and not as fit as them expect you to know how to do stuff. This is not gender bias. I know there's equality and blah but if you can define your gender based boundaries so well then expect me to do that too.

Also, am eagerly anticipating the weekend but honestly for more selfish reasons ;) Hopefully they'd allow me to sneak away when the workload's done without rife speculation.

Carolling was awesomeite dynamite, honestly was my virgin experience singing in parts HAHA, and boy everyone sounded pretty good! I <3 the cute cuddly boy who eagerly jumped up and down and dragged his chair over during performance to hear us sing. It's really sad when you see kids in the wards, I don't think they belong there but somewhere where the grass is always green. Sigh.

No more activities from stalker! Phew, am uber relieved. Thanks for the advice my dear friends, ignoring really works wonders.

PHONE CALL PHONE CALL PHONE CALL. I need to bring charger for camp sia, hopefully this month I did not explode my phone bill lest my mom explodes. You peeps can call me after 12 Fri/Sat if you need to talk to someone! I doubt I'd be sleeping much, judging by the timesheet just sent in by Charm. Speaking of which Mom accompanied me for logistics just now and I ended up underbuying haha, cos of second opinions. I am also very proud of myself for packing 'em neatly into stolen cardboard boxes and secured with tape. I couldn't fit the bisuits though ):

God, please bless Advent Camp - so many changes, participation problems, inconveinent timings - I really hope You can make this work out. Thanks alot God, for lighting that dying spark within me to do You service. I'm still wandering around aimlessly because my purpose is elusive as ever, and I guess drifting away from Catholic-related things has sorta put some pespective.

New friend this week (: So happy. And I had to cut bamboo poles with a KITCHEN KNIFE. Oh, my, gosh. My knot tying skills during log, FAIL.

Okay God, please bless me with NO MORE PIMPLES ARGH and a restful sleep tonight. Ta!

mrs doubtfire

2009-12-14T23:45:00.002+08:00

Insecurities, inadequacies, misunderstood signals.
Really hope camp works out!
Haha just had funkytime thinking of retard cheers with Joel Zomg.

it was a pretty good one.

2009-12-09T09:29:00.002+08:00

There is much to be grateful for.

I guess it's really nice to know you got your family and friends to (remember to) love you. Yes including the best wishes I got from best friend ("Happy Birthday Idiot! May you mossified life move from beneath the rocks") and from Derk who had to be reminded ("May you run away with an Indian boy and make curry" -.-). Of course there were also the sweet ones.

"Eh did you ask ___ to wish me cos he just texted me?"
"Ya, I told him to wish you cos it's your birthday"

But nothing could beat the bestest present I got from ICA, whom found my NRIC when I went down to check! (:

I really ate alot yesterday haha, my mom was amazed that I wasn't sick of having soup twice in a day but too bad I have a bias towards nice soups so there.

And of course nothing like NUS to do our blessed MPE by today. So I will be fretting over my potential timetable sigh. Malay or French Malay or French Malay or French.

Alive and Kickin'

2009-12-07T10:41:00.001+08:00

Woohoo, the holidays are finally here and I couldn't be happier myself :D After the agonizing two weeks of shuttling to and fro school in the freezing MPSH, I found myself a free blueblackbird on Wed. And of course I naturally forgot to return my library books so had to come back the next day -.-
Life's been dandy for the first week of December, just the usual keeping in contact with old friends and getting back into the secondary school routine of heading down to the library and borrowing some good ol' books. Am currently reading True Love and Other Lies, typical chick lit and quite mindless and predictable.
Friday to Sunday was a pretty good weekend I had in ages. Friday was wonderful because I am now offically P-Plate Moss :D Shortest test route in my life and my instructor's name was quirky, weather was fine, no horrible NEW roadworks. The feeling was liberating, like I REALLY ended my exams. Then it rained and poured like seriously, I was so glad that I was on the bus to the SPCA. But of course! I realised I took the wrong bus only when it started going to AMK and I scrambled for the exit. Then I had to took the circle line instead. Which btw was totally empty. SPCA was pretty nice and cosy, plenty of meow meows to keep me entertained. There was this super attention loving cat that plopped up on me and sat down, much to the amusement of some Chinese-speaking visitors who said "Wah no need to ask permission ah!"
Then I witnessed a REAL cat fight between it and another feline, which was broken up by the volunteer who took the injured cat and lavished it with attention, while telling off Attention Seeking Cat. Funny thing was that ATC responded by "grumbling" and slouching away to a corner.
Then came home and went for FUEL! Woohoo! They had this cave-like arrangement in front of youth room for the nativity play and I spent a good 5 minutes figuring out who to get in, until Sister helped. Haha. Noob. Then had late late dinner of hor fun with raw egg that cooks in the head with the bunch of them, before heading back.
Saturday! Hmm, what did I do? I woke up slow, met Mr Foo to catch New Moon. Was really late actually, we practically dashed all the way and when we went in they just started (meaning we had missed 15 minutes of commercials). NEW MOON BTW IS EXTREMELY A LET DOWN PLEASE. So many parts of the book which I thought were interesting was cut out, and the chemistry between Jacob and Bella was a bit strained I thought. As in, I know it's meant to be awkward cos the r/s is like best friends bordering on something else but I thought Bella could have looked more happy to see Jacob. PLUS, the ending! OMG! Horrendible! I practically cringed. Twlight virgins would definitely be like, "Huh, that's it?"
):

But in compensation, Saturday out was still woohoo cos met up with Kathy and Ivan to pass them my books/magazines. And then while walking back, had a very painful Prudential survey to sit down and do, and they kept asking so many awkward non-Prudential related questions. Lucky, I knew what the bank plan was about so saved them some selling by saying that I wasn't interested cos it's not like I can keep $$$ inside for 24 months hellooooo.

Then met up with FISHYFISHY to watch performance at Esplanade! :D After which we queued up for uber long at this Jap place which had decent food at decent prices! (considering we were at Esplanade). Then walked around aimlessly browsing/shopping before heading home.

Sunday I drove my dad's car :D Woohoo, right after our lunch at Botak Jones (didn't know they had one in TP) and then practised my horidble parking skillz, much to my dad's chagrin.

Okay, I'm still trying to get used to all this free time. It's a bit weird cos I'm not used to not being preoccupied with something - no ushering, no tutition. What am I going to do! Haha.

My Job.

2009-11-23T22:16:00.002+08:00

So much for hiatus huh, I really didn't want my fingers to stray but it's been an emotional week of sorts so I felt the need to blog.
I am very grateful to God that just listening to my instincts and attending mass can really lify my mood: from a week of avoiding people and sitting around for long long hours in skool to a much lighter mood as the week ended. Of course, because it's always tradition, I just had to fall sick one week before my papers with the lemon tea spam and the cold dungeons of the S'pore -Msia Collection. That is not the point though.
I am getting a bit scared because I am starting to be dependent on you.
I am also, annoyed time again by same problem that Fishy and I always encounter : Sometimes I think the issue is maybe not others, but ourselves because we wish to respect social blah and be nice, diplomatic but it totally sucks, when others don't get the message.
Just be self-sufficient, can. It is not our problem whether you wish to skip classes/lectures/tutorials whatEVER. It is however, our problem when you keep bugging us to borrow our materials which we conscientiously copied for attending rightfully and it's not like you were unwell or something or had to rush a deadline. Hello. Have a conscience and stop being so shamlessly dependent on others for your own advantage. If you were so deeply concerned about missing out you would have gone in the first place.
Other than that.

I think my job deserves an overdue post since I've been at it for about 2-3 months already.
I am Jocelyn, Usher, UCC. (curtesy)
I can't say I'm deeply in love with it - it's sort of like an arranged marriage that I forced myself into but I guess it just has to grow on you. I didn't like it at first, because I am loner_ahlian but I guess there are others who feel like that too so it's not that bad - hell it's only 3-4 hours each time anyway.
But people like Andy make it bearable and gradually enjoyable - watching out for you, taking the trouble to make conversation with a painfully mute person like myself, reminding me to take re-entry slips. I am awfully forgetful : Last week I worked twice and the last event was Killah because I was posted alone omg, kids running around + impatient parents + annoying latecomers = GG. As a result of my painfully laborious process of tripping the stubs, the queue escalated until Alvan had to rush down and help out. I was so sad. My learning curve is like, really. Slow.
The one thing I like about my job is that during the period of no contact I can gaze into oblivion all I want, with the occasional "Sudah makan?" to the cleaners and security uncle. Oh, did I mention that I also get addressed in Malay? Conversations tend to be recycled because each post holds a new senior and they usually lose interest.

Other than that.

I think today I learnt a painful lesson on why I prefer to study alone. Today's lesson was even more painful because it was taught by a friend.
Please kill me I am emo as nemo. Even buying the Seventeen magazine did not cheer me up.

2009-11-18T21:12:00.001+08:00

So a mixture of things happened lately,
and I'm quite depressed as of now.

Change of plans, totally suck.

Hiatus.

But not in so many words, you know?

2009-11-13T21:10:00.002+08:00

She liked the sound of his voice. The deep resonance, crackling steadily through a long distance call. To curl up on bed on a cold rainy night and listen to the familarity, in the unfamiliarity of this new world.

He looked forward to calling her. In the confines of that prison, with the long shadows of the day towering and closing in like mighty walls. To keep in contact with the only civilisation that existed, that he knew of.

A typical love story?
How wrong you are.
There was nothing typical about it, mainstream mudane commonality. No, typical would have meant cliche and cliche would have been the old fashioned romance so often sought after in many a chick lit book, and this wasn't it. Neither was it a story, for a story would have been a mere representation of what was happening, just another once upon a time and a happily ever after.
This wasn't a silly teenybopping romance with the moonlight serenades and secret rendevous. With the indie soundtrack and the raving reviews.

He fought for The Cause, classifed information and secret alliances in that underground network. It wasn't Fear that kept them below. Bravery wasn't all about flamboyance and show. His gun in hand and life and stake, he knew this wasn't an easy battle. To fight.

Liberty was merely a statue.

She fought her own battles as well. It is the Cause the Cause his soul. To wait in growing apprehension and dread when she caught the local news. When the remote controlled her life, for a flick of the channel would have made that difference.

The old Polaroid in that silver frame of happy memories; her almond eyes a shy gaze as his boisterous laughter permeates that entire square of Perpetual. Their second year, with that ever faithful run down apartment in the background. Aching heart, heavy with burden. Longing fingers, the sliver of metal with intertwined hearts and a lone diamond.

The third year never came.

He fought, but what did he fight for?

November Babies

2009-11-07T19:31:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday November People! (:
Li Xin Bei whom I secretly stalked and surprised, super delayed because WOMAN got home at happening twilight time hahaha. (:
My MUMMY (: Whom I got Japanese cheesecake, cookies, and Chinese takeaway for dinner that night.
FTJ (: Even though technically I didn't do much but I HOPE he has a good birthday tomorrow!

Alright, this was a fabulous weekend aye. In celebration of the end of my deadlines (even though this also means exams are coming BUTTTT heck) I er, didn't study this week haha :/ In fact, this week I was rather elated because:
1) End of many tutorials WOO which also means it will FORCE me to study during break, instead of walking aimlessly around campus and browsing num slippers omg
2) No more Malay ad hoc projeks! Yay
3) I watched cloudy with a chance of meatballs with Becks Erika and Friend. Which was rather unexpectedly good. Because of the underlying themes of parental acceptance, a la Enemy of the People and cute gummy bears! FOOD MOVIE, I like.
4) I went for CG! Very fruitful sharing PLUS i got a ride home too.
5) I went for FUEL! Heart AVERYBAHDEE there, including the dinner at heartland shop with Salameh and Eun and Fran (:

Today I woke up at an ungodly hour and took the slowest bus on earth to sekolah for ushering. Event? KUMON HONOURS ROLL. Haha, adorable children including the boy whose teeth was momentarily stuck in the zip that he was chewing on. Ended earlier than I thought, so went to meet Mr Foo and I seriously didn't know what we were both doing after our exhausting walking intensive week but we walked so much because Subway was crowded ttm haha, omg I think my pedometer would have reset a couple of times la.
Today was good (:

And of course, the only time I chose to sleep in for awhile during the weekend, and I can't because guess what - the ampitheatre decides to host some PERCUSSIONS performance with exceptionally LOUD and BOOMZ guys screaming their hearts out like merantau warriors so I woke up very grumpy.

K, Imma go grab some grub now before I hit the shit that is lit. Haha.

Road to Eldorado

2009-11-02T22:25:00.002+08:00

I step into the darkness, or else the light.
I trudge like a man along a path, not knowing where he is going.
Events that stand for something else.
After an overload of ambiguity in unsalvagable papers, I am now saturated with PS and EN content - a weekend burnt doing what I'm relegated to for the rest of my uni life. I realise I didn't submit my turnitin receipt today, I am so smart sometimes which means I gotta resubmit tomorrow after lecture.
Entirely exhuasted I kid you not - an entire week of late nights past 1am, and full days in school.
Freedom freedom, but in its limited enjoyment for it signals the coming of bloody exams.

I yearn to cycle and release colourful balloons into the air, the way a caged bird yearns for its flight of fancy. Pick strawberries from the fields of forever, blow dandelions to tell time, a tea party with Alice in Wonderland and hide and seek with Amelia Jane. To the soundtrack of Trading Yesterday. December 4th, come quick I say.

That's the weekend for you

2009-11-01T19:24:00.004+08:00

yuppie sandwich at yuppie hangouts

moist nutella mini cupcakes

inviting rows of bookshelves

Albeit my willpower to get started on my essays, weekend was beautifully burnt with only 48 hours to live. Fuel absence third time in a row, I felt pretty sad because meeting ended later than I thought. Perked up when I saw FBF at the MRT - managed to catch a glimpse of the army boys for awhile as well. 2 movies in 1 day - one for the family and one for the friend. I'm only going to start on my Lit right after this post, without any Bejeweled distractions hopefully - Cheryl really helped me loads on getting my points right tgtg. I am seriously so tired, ttm running on energy deficits and sleep is inviting, and yet I cannot because I have so, much, work.

I live only for the weekends. Crazy week is finally over, Malay Test SE deadline Malay skit. Read WTFB fin, watched Hee Row She Maa fin, now just waiting for crazy Monday-Wed to be over before I can cut me some slack.

Next weekend is going to be awfully busy as well -I seriously hope I didn't sign up for ushering on an inconvenient day again.

You know you have the BEST best friend in the world, when she says she wants to talk to you about something serious , and then you realise the something serious isn't even about her, but about how to help another friend.

TGFF - Thank God for Fishy (((:

"I would rather just maybe you and I go watch a movie and eat lunch. Simple"

Just made me realise that it must have been pretty out of your way to do what you did last year - and I'm just feeling very grateful and touched. (:

Reminder to self: STOP SIGNING UP FOR SO MANY THINGS! Advent, Carolling, Standard Chartered(?)

Things to Do: Contact catering, keep track of tutoring lessons, get started on HMA and SEreadings. STOP SKIPPING MEALS.

face unafraid the plans that we made

2009-10-28T23:19:00.002+08:00

It's that indescribable feeling, that instantenous connection, the confluence of two minds on a common topic. The flash of a smile, the friendly wave, to the boy seated at the lonely corner pretending to be absorbed in his books. To watch him, bagpack as companion, tread the steps a solitary figure, the wish for outreach. To break the ice, crack the cold slippery surface to the crystalline waters below - a joyous greeting, crooked teeth awkward arms heavy bag.

To transcend that barier of self-sufficient suppposedness, the facade of cool beneath which a lost child yearns for easy conversations. Memory flashbacks of the tiny frame pushed around by sneering schoolmates, distant laughs and collision of time.

Back.

Back to now, here the present. Approach gentle calm like the breeze.

Hi.

there's something in your eyes

2009-10-25T22:11:00.003+08:00

Today I caught up with an old friend whom I have neglected since A levels, and he mentioned how I'm still the same cheerful cold jokes person over the phone. Somehow, everyone says I haven't changed one bit - Shan said that when I told her about my laptop called Harry Potter (HP), JC classmates think I'm still forgetful and lose my things like Little Bo Peep, and now old friend too.
Maybe, change is a good thing too. Everyone's changing these days anyway.
I liked today's sermon mit was fiery and emotional and on What Makes A Christian Christian. Whenever I listen to anything religious nowadays I feel like I'm listening to it from two perspectives - one being the HolyMoley Yes Yes This Is Good I should do it more often, but then the other part of me stands detached and says, Religion is just another opiate of the masses. I'm such a hypocrite sometimes.

Shrug. I saw a really hot and toned girl yesterday btw, I feel motivated to exercise now aha.

keep running running and running running.

2009-10-24T20:37:00.002+08:00

This is Jocelyn. See Jocelyn Run. Run, run, Jocelyn. Run, as fast as you can.

This week was a race in itself, onslaught of old deadlines and creeping in of the new assignments. Uni, thy name is Crazy. Basically was burnt on driving, going to school early on a late day, staying back during early days, screwing up my eating habits again. Ushering was pretty interesting I got to see Najip Ali in person but I'm so sad because nobody else was as excitable as I was. But I'm always so excitable hmm. I had a truckload of halal food after the event I was so happy I even offered the taxi uncle one but he refused and in the end charged me a few cents less haha. I also gave it to the tutee's mom but then now I realise maybe she's vegetarian and can't consume it smackhead gosh.

Last PS tutorial I was kinda sad, because I was finally warming up to the girls in class and starting to open my mouth - well good times do come to an end. Tuts are getting more cozy because you start seeing people around school but of course nothing beats the CJ feeling of really truly knowing the person you waved at. Lit is insane, I can't keep up with the readings and they always give essays at such short notice and the books are always on loan HMPH.

I was feeling rather unholy because I had to skip a few sessions and I didn't get to Fuel either. Thank goodness God was nice to me today, after I ran my first 10km marathon SO PROUD OF MYSELF AND THE OG. (: Of course I chose to be malas and walked so much haha, but now I still can feel the heat emanating from my legs it's almost as if I just did Thaipusam fire walking.
I'm getting quite overwhelmed seeing all the inbox flooded with Advent Things To Do - I hope God stands by me and shows the way for a lost sheep like myself.

Looking forward to a hopefully less hectic week with some overdue meetups and well deserved rest - projeks go away!

Freedom

2009-10-18T19:04:00.003+08:00

There is nothing quite as liberating as striking off an item on a to-do list.

Blessed are who are free, they shall have a peaceful Sunday.

High opportunity cost though, of skipping house visits ):

StayAtHome Saturday

2009-10-17T20:22:00.003+08:00

It's quite amazing how people can still annoy the hell out of you, latitudes and time differences aside. Guess some things never change. I know you read my blog, you just pretend not to - so what I'm saying is that, you should learn how to draw the line at this thing called invasion of privacy. I think it's really annoying when you say it wouldn't hurt to confide in you, when right after that you just start spewing your mouth out at your profound discoveries. And to think you don't really like people when they are childish, well have you looked in the mirror lately? >:

This week was a Kate Perry music video - hot and cold, yes and no. Suffered my second mini heartbreak in a week, slept at insane timings discussing all the endless projects that are giving me an early grave, getting scolded by an eleven year old, almost kena cheated by a tuttee. On the happy side, plenty of birthday celebrations this week. Insecurities aplenty, I honestly feel stupid and I wish God wouldn't trust me so much because he tests me so many times I feel like giving up. I am not Job. Life gets a bit bearable with a little help from my friends, Beatles you speak so much truth - OG sightings, CSS heart-felt reflections and latenight phonecalls keep me sane from this ridiculous ratrace.

I was completely exhausted on Friday when I ended, I didn't even have the energy to attend Fuel/CSSMass - just went home and slept like a log ( honestly, how did this expression come about) before starting on some work. Saturday morning brought a little smile to my face - went to get the goodie bag at the Flyer before meeting the dearies Foo and Marie for our lunch at Tully's (: and I nearly left my goodie bag there. SO FORGETFUL! This week left my cards in school overnight and didn't realise until this girl emailed me that she found them omg I nearly died.

I'm so sedated right now - Deepavali could have been more hyped up, CableTV would have helped greatly I don't even feel any festivity. However I just watched Ghajini in Hindi and it is waay better than the Tamil one, partly because I'm biased towards Amir <3. Heh Heh.

I'm wearing my newly bought crucifix now, and it makes me feel holy I'm so superficial :/ I hope God points out the way for me in this uncertainty. You know, the bible say to cast all your weary burdens unto Him and not to worry, but I wonder whether anyone thinks that it is quite mean to keep loading all your troubles unto your God. I understand he's an almighty all-powerful guy but I really find this mean and inconsiderate. I'm sure his inbox is flooded with constant spamming about material needs and whines. Would you want to always keep troubling your friend with your never ceasing problems? I guess that is why God helps those who help themselves, maybe it's a nice little reward for making the attempt to solve things out on your own and then entrust to him. Then again, should we alternatively be entirely submissive to Will?

I have no idea why I'm blogging when I have a duckload of work to do it's crazy. Papers due and a Malay blog, test and skit coming right up. I really hope the guy friends can join us soon in uni, I'm such an antisocial hermit. Bah.

Down to a Tea.

2009-10-10T11:40:00.002+08:00

Reasons why my stomach deserves a poor ol' apology:
1) I spammed on tea this week. For reasons unknown or of convenience, I just downed copious amounts of lemon tea (at Superdog), kiwi milk tea (disgusting please don't ever ever go there), peach tea twice in school before ushering and last night after Rosary at Fran's place.

2) In tandem, the irregularity of my meals in which I tended to skip lunch after school and only have dinner because I was lazy and I had to rush for tutoring. And the day of ushering I lunched at 10am, after which I didn't eat anything except some peanuts right before the peformance started. So by the time I got back home I had dinner it was about 11.

3) The culmination of which my stomach finally went on strike was thus on Wednesday, right after comm meeting because I had not eaten for like 7 hours in a row. So when I was shuttling back, had a major GASTRIC ATTACK. BLAH. Naturally I had a Lecture ER110o1E (Eating Right Exposure module) from my parents at home, and I could only down milk.

However, I am proud to say that I am feeling much better now (: I ate alot of food yesterday right after my famine tendencies - dairy breakfast (by my insistent dad who bought it so that I would stop skipping meals), savourybites from J8, lunch, potato chips, dinner, blueberry muffins at Fran's with rose syrup, and BUBBLE TEA <3

Btw, 500 Days of Summer is the best shit ever (((: I liked it because it was off-beat, very indie movie video-ish, had splashes of witty dialogue, and a very refreshing ending (: GO WATCH!

As for the Incident on Thursday night, thanks to the people I spoke to for cheering me up even though I was an emotional wreck ZZZZ.

I think I'm so screwed for EL Midterms really killed me. Projects and Essays, here comes me.

Summer&Autumn

2009-10-08T23:06:00.002+08:00

I could fill a well with the tears that I've shed, September and October.

What good is a chance. When you never use it.

2009-10-05T21:55:00.002+08:00

A tiny silohuette arches lazily on the top of the red brick wall, away from the glaring heat of the sun. The cat swats a fly over, slightly perturbed by its interruption to its pristine schedule of self-cleaning time.
Shuffleshuffle nervousglanceatwatch ticktocktockgoestheclock hurriedfootsteps hurtledownthestairs trainapproaching dashthroughgantry pushshovecursegaspmakewaybreathe doorsclosing.
The cat yawns. Stretching itself the length of the wall, it practises its steely gaze upon the traffic light that stands erect, the staff of modern day Moses that parts the sea of commuters.
Impatienttappingoffeet beepbeepbeepirritatingringtone growingqueueforthedailynewspaper ticktockticktock honkhonkyellowcabwhizzesby screechhalttoastop.
Green man.
They dash across the road junction, as if it were Thaipusam and treading the walk of fire. Annoyed by the homeless wheelchair bound imploring for sales of tissue paper, handy for the choping of hawker centre seats at lunchtime. They dash; faceless commuters brimming with purpose for the day, 9-5 of productive contribution and greasing the gears that shape the Economy. Hurried exchanges of rapid business confirmations, reaffirmations of the Kok&Huat deal, stockexchangenogoodnogood what the hell was Steven thinking. Distractions by beeping gadgets screaming for attention. They stop.
Red man.
The cat rolls over, indifferent.

2009-10-01T22:30:00.002+08:00

I can't believe I just had a major panic attack. It was so bad that I just cried suddenly. Fretting over STUPID work. ): As always grateful to everyone who asked me to calm down. Why can't I just let God take control? Why must I always be so unnerved by everything >:
Advent. Uncertainty.
EL next week.
PS essay tmr.
EL homework undone.

I met my DB senior today. I almost didn't recnognise her - until I saw the tan. I feel so sad now, because I ran away when I told myself that I wanted the Push. Now that another Push is coming up I want to run away again. I think someone needs to slap me back to my senses. I also think I need to start studying. And to have more patience with the kid who whines and snatches away the book when I'm teaching.

I am so exasperated right now.

Saducees are sad you see!

2009-09-30T23:25:00.002+08:00

Amazingly this has got to be one of those really euphoric moments in my lifetime - I rarely feel happy so this is like striking Toto. I guess it's really God's work at play here, and CG today really got me thinking about Faith and Prayer. Okay, so I guess I'm not really a holymoley person even though people seemed to think like that - cos of CA and saying grace and the youth group. So I can't really say that I have an active Prayer life. Maybe I had one, or I used to have one, but I know now that I definitely don't. They say Prayer is a relationship with God, so by that logic, I wouldn't have one with Him right now. Right? Left! I don't think so le. I may not Pray, but I do see God in many situations today even in school. God doesn't have to manifest His presence in flamboyant tadaa moments. In fact for me He likes to touch my life in the forms of Angels in Disguise (Fuel credit) - when I was stuck on my essays, or when I need a break from all the hulabaloo. It's simply quite amazing how coincidental things can be, whenever I feel so tired that I need a timeout, that my tutoring is magically rescheduled. Or like how today during CG I kept fantazing about food HAHA sorry super duper hungry, and guess what? We had a mini international spread of delightful mooncakes, indian sweets, black sesame pie, sticky rice crackers and bubble gum lollipop! (: I was so happy just looking at all the food I gave thanks to God. Then as I was waiting for the shuttle home, Mr Foo so coincidentally called so talktalktalk the entire ride home! It was just a good day I feel, those days when everything just falls into place no matter how rough it was at first, and you feel so grateful you want to sing and shout praise.
I guess that means even though I lack in Prayer, I still have Faith. They said P should be a platform on which F can be furthered. But if you keep praying without any faith, then no point in that also right? But okay la, also quite bad if you keep having all the Faith you have, but you don't credit it with Prayer. Also I don't think Prayer should be all about Requests but also Thanksgiving. After having my share of major crisis last year, I think I should be grateful for it because it put so much of perspective in my life and made me see the same old things with new eyes. So to think that everything happens for a reason, is also Faith in itself. And to say Prayers believing in them? Faith too.
I'm so spiritually high right now I could just neglect my readings for tomorrow, in fact I don't even feel anxious about anything right now because I've placed all my worries now in Him.
Let go, Let God.
(:

Rock of faith and vault of grace

2009-09-26T20:06:00.005+08:00

My friends, consider yourselves fortunate when all kinds of trials come your way, for you know that when your faith succeeds in facing such trials, the result is the ability to endure. Make sure that your endurance carries you all the way without failing, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. But if any of you lack wisdom, you should pray to God, who will give it to you; because God gives generously and graciously to all. But when you pray, you must believe and not a doubt at all. Whoever doubts is like a wave in the sea that is driven and blown about by the wind. If you are like that, unable to make up your mind and undecided in all you do, you must not think that you will receive anything from the Lord.

James 1: 2-8

unresolved sentiments

2009-09-24T21:24:00.002+08:00

There's really not much to update right now, contrary to popular belief recess week isn't exactly a yaygome break but more so a breather to catch up on work and finish up the damn assignments. Procrastination is driving me crazy, I gotta have more resolve when it comes to discipline, it's freaking Thursday and I'm Mode Unproductive 101 Good Gosh Help Me. The week has been so-so lor, time passes by really fast when you want it to slow down.
Public holiday was really good catchup time, first virgin experience at Ben&Jerry's haha shoot me I know right I have a 2 year lag compared to others. Good to catch up with the Scribes and Besty, then tutored before reaching home.
Seren's farewell was a melancholic affair; alot of memories of our IJ and JC PW/seating partner days - the airport is really an emo place nowadays, way too many people leaving. Makes you wonder whether they'd be a part of your life ever again :/
Visited the dear old junior college (: Sigh, I really know I shouldn't dwell on the past too much but gosh how I miss my dear CJC. Wearing the pale blue uniform, sitting at canteen benches (must always be high high), talking to bookshop aunty, charming the librarian... the memories feel so faded and distant now. Sigh, even the fish soup today turned out different and the lady isn't there ): instead, replacement of this super efficient lady haha. Talking to the teachers was good - Mr Tan, Ms Yang, Mrs Leong. I wish I could grow younger!
I am particularly emo this week, gah Joel must have passed me his melon coli. I dropped a CCA in the end ): Oh yes, tribute to all the wonderful people who helped me with PS when I nearly gave up hope. Thankew(:

RECESS WEEK IS FINALLY HERE!

2009-09-19T11:16:00.003+08:00

Just to recap, this week has been a pretty stressful one, what with my screwing up of my EN and PS test, I can't believe I actually know how to do it, but just strayed away and talked rubbish oh my gah what the pong. It's been quite a breezy time in the evenings, because I dropped one kid! (: Not literally haha, but at least now I have more time to do work. But it's so strange because I'M NOT USED TO COMING BACK SO EARLY HAHA. I went for my first CG this week so proud of myself! The company was not bad, and I made a new senior friend who invited me for Holy Spirit bible study.

I am also grateful for having such a wonderful OG like Romeo/Reggae, who never fail to brighten up my day with their presence (: Yes I don't get to see them pretty often, obscure modules have that effect - but I heart going for lectures with them, or eating lunch, or doing my EL homework at the benches after hastily asking all the Monday tutorial people.

Friday was a pretty good day for me, albeit missing Fuel :/ I felt a bit cheated because I rushed through The Bluest Eye and turned out my classmates aren't even done aiyo. I also know what to do for SE report (: And EL presentation was good good. And serene during Malay was super the hilarious, check FB for status update lol. I went for my first ever concert at the Esplanade! We got the best seats yeah man, and it was Mahler's Ressurection divided into 4 movements, without intermission. The sopranoes were really good, but you know how a symphony makes you experience all sorts of emotions within that 80 minute performance so we came out feeling confused haha. Then walked along the River and saw the night street circuit which was SO AWESOME. And dinnered along the Quay before heading home.

Recess week is here! (: I'm sort of relived I'm done with half my exams, but also need to get down to completing all the others as well. I have plans plans plans, the days are slowly being taken up with sweet meet ups (: Joce is a happy girl.
Until next time!

Hooty Wooty Sotty Foo.

2009-09-13T00:24:00.002+08:00

Saturday flew past really fast, I am rather annoyed because next week is a super mentally draining week with:
Lit Test
PS Test
Draft for SE
EL Presentation

Am I screwed or am I screwed. GG.com to the max please! ): Malay test was epic fail, nothing I studied came out. And basically I wasted my Friday and Saturday, albeit the good time I had today though.
Slept in and woke up just in time to meet small girl, beauty queen and finding nemo for lunch at Hooters lol. Second time we are going there, for the food only mind you. Not as filling this time, partly cos I stayed away from the carbs and drank too much iced tea. Then we yakked and amused ourselves with small girl's dramatic stories and beauty queen's fits of giggles (jokes that only she understands) before we walked around aimlessly at Central
Evening was spent at Seren's place, met up with Becks first and stuffed myself silly with beautiful FOOD and playing with her dog and tinkling the ivories with my rusty fingers lol. Had a lift home.

Shit, this means that I gotta study everything Sunday. NUS workload, you are like an uninvited guest, always overstaying and never taking any hint. Sigh.

Fishballs and Nuggets!

2009-09-10T20:45:00.002+08:00

Public transport is super unreliable. I swear there used to be a shuttle at 930 and now it's only arriving at 940 = just in time for lecture no-o-o ): This means I gotta leave my house even earlier. Bah, would some nice kind soul who lives in the North decide to carpool?
Today I was in the spirit of Adventure, if I may borrow the quote - exceptionally jumpy and excited during PS, even though I found today was even slower than ever. I am aware most of my entries revolve around meetups and goingouts, but you do understand dear reader that Joce here hardly gets out much, so she makes the most of it. Met Clare today and we crashed Cherie's place! (: We woke the poor girl up haha, but I'm really inspired to apply for hall next sem - apart from the temptation to oversleep and late night suppers, it seems like an exciting experience. Then we had random conversations about animations and were introduced to Fishball and Nugget HA. Fishsouped for lunch which was horribly garlicky vampires will hate us to death. Then went to watch UP yes yes super the late I know, but timings for the Proposal was only in the evenings bahhh. Walked about town alot, I think the last time I walked the entire stretch was during Fripps' surprise brought back some memories about our failed romantic htht haha. I need to get a wardrobe ohno crisis running out of things to wear already. Sometimes I wish I were a boy, at least sloppiness isn't frowned upon that much, and I would always look good in a nice shirt and berms (of course, broad shoulders and nice arms being a prerequisite and it can pull off any look!). Sigh, sadly as a girl, I am thus burdened with the pain of being creative and nor recycling clothes too often.
On a separate note, I used to think I was quite a strange girl because I think I am rather detached from alot of mainstream things, you could say I'm an odd offbeat because I have not much interest in movies/pop culture/outings/music and thus run out of things to say to friends. But today I learnt that eheh it is used as a form of distraction for the proletariat :O Which means that we have a false sense of reality because we are blocking out what we don't want to know. Scary how true this is!However I think I am lately consumeristic so shucks, I'm not helping myself lol.
On a separate separate note, I was completely annoyed by two incidents:
1) Person who hogged the search engine at the library for like almost 30 minutes while I was standing behind her, even though I was making it VERY OBVIOUS that I was waiting for her. In the end, I got so fed up I tapped her and said I only needed to browse for ONE book and may I use it please tyvm. Personally I was quite amazed/surprised that I actually had enough guts to do that, normally I would have just walked off in a huff. I guess this shows that I'm no longer bottling up things like I used to.
2) Person who does not do homework at all! >:( and at the way things are going, might be ending up as project/group mates oh no oh no. It's not as though person iscompletely lost, I clearly remember how person went around to confirm with everybody else how they knew of the work, and then the next week, lo and behold, didn't do nothing and clamoured to scribble all the answers during discussions. Hmph! Not that I should be overly concerned since it's a personal choice, but honestly, pay attention to your work than your clothes can!

Shucks, I have a Malay test tomorrow and I should not even be online just felt a need to rant and as always blogger satisfies. Hope I don't screw up! Time is flying oh my Friday come quick! (:

on Time's winged supersonic chariot.

2009-09-08T22:39:00.003+08:00

So, I'm not exactly the best time management girl around, and my jammed packed weeks haven't been helping either. In the blink of an eye, Monday and Tuesday disappeared even though I left them right, over, here! ): Hectichectic, tutorials + lectures + tutoring and then today it was ushering + frisbee = GG.com
I need to watch my spending. Blew half my pay on a cab ride today omg, all in the name of printing my notes before lecture. Thank goodness there was enough $ left in the card. Uncle was pretty amusing though, he had alot to say and I didn't even trigger anything in the first place, so I was all "hmms" and "yaya" and "aiyo". It would have been mega ironic if I had turned up late (according to a friend, I'm apparently always late not true k) seeing as how I was in school half an hour earlier already.
Travelling is the bane of my existence. Seriously. It's such a major waste of my time omg, I read almost half of the bluest eye on the 151 which CRAWLS to school irritated ttm!

What I really want to do right now, is to get a bicycle and go night cycling around the whole of my estate. Alone, or with a trusty friend. And right smack in the middle of the PIE. How fun aye.

Readings await. Ciao to you Tuesday, that was gone like the wind.

Sit, Seated, Sat-urday.

2009-09-05T15:12:00.003+08:00

I am feeling refreshed after my much needed sleep-in and a good IndianIndian lunch! (: Fridays are particularly the most exhuasting days of the week, but also the most fufilling yay. Honestly I thought I was going to be mega screwed for Friday's homework dues, seeing as how I got home pretty late from church meet. Well apart fromt the fact that I was late again for Lit, Eng presentation wasn't as bad as I thought it would be! Friday tutorials are fun, unlike overwhelming PS and idkwhatimdoing SE haha.
I also had a mini adventure getting almost lost around campus with Marie. Goes to show how well informed we are about shuttles HA. I am so going to get a directory embedded in my brain just so I can save wasted time travellingling. On the bright side, I explored Kent Vale and Engin, and also the Biz library and the shortcut to Arts. A bit disappointed at third failed attempt at BDD, maybe I should consider saving lives in another way instead- but at least I peer pressured two others to donate so I saved 6 lives technically smug face.
Finally fuelled after an absence of a month and totally happy that Nic could join us for the session - even though, admittedly it was more for the confirmants. Totally exhuasted though.
Friday started off on an unexpectedly good note that leaves me grinning, I like chance encounters alotlot.

Oh! I cleared the interview to be a student usher now yay yay. On the downside, I sort of have 3 CCAs now so I gotta make some decisions quick. Workload is actually maneagable IF there's consistency, let's hope I maintain the way things are now ohmygah. I miss the OG people though, my obscure modules deny me much contact time sadded.

I feel very alive (:

Monday Blues Clues

2009-08-31T20:30:00.002+08:00

It's such an exhilarating feeling knowing that you don't have to wake up early for school on a Monday, which is by far, a well-known fact that it is arguably the suckiest day of the week. I am however, deprived of the privelege to wake up slow because of the commitment that is driving. School is really messing up with my internal clock, I find myself arising early even on weekends and feeling really tired before midnight. What is wrong with me argh. Today's lesson was good, freelance photography as a hobby is definitely coolest in my books, and what a wonderful digression it was while I proved that female drivers do have the edge (at times). I am sort of impatient, wished that I could do my prac really soonsoonbeehoon, so that my weeks are cleared up to catch up with work :/
Was slightly late for Malay today, concession really give you more options and ocassionally save your life. Lit today was almost a waste of time, but yes we must not be complacent mmmm.

I am super tempted to apply for hall already - freedom is a craving and I am energised by its prospects. It is not so much of a need rather than a want, distance is not the issue instead I doubt such an experience would ever come across in my life. Commitments lurk over the horizon, sure as death and let's face it, we all need some slack after our PSLE, Os and As right?

Tuesday and Wednesday are the Long Days - must chiong work right before that. Hmm, presentations coming up, essay drafts due, wth is a thesis statement omg.

I must find my right CCA.

An eye for orchard.

2009-08-29T00:34:00.002+08:00

Thus is the conclusion of one of my most perfect Fridays, simply because I enjoyed immensely the company of my favourite army bois for dinner. Sekolah was rather enjoyable actually, apart from the hiccup I had being late for my Lit simply because I walked past the real room twice thinking that it was not the room. I'm starting to feel the pressure from class participation, everyone seems to be well read and opinionated and all debatory while I'm such a opinion pushover :/ English was quite interesting, actually I think all my tutors are fascinating people la. Took the longest MRT ride of my life for tutoring time and was super fidgety for it to finish. And because Jocelyn is so ridiculously absent minded, my half charged phone died on me right before the dinner so I could not contact the guys. ): Luckily Joel and Terence found me! Then we BKed at the Ion which has like super cool iPod outlets to charge your mp3 and listen to them at the same time. I also won $40, 000 today on wheel of fortune! :D and more importantly, I did not break my curfew yayy.

I think I'm actually a very distracted person and this continues to bug me well into my 3rd week of term, often I see people (or rather, one person) with so much ambition and passion that I'm both awed and ashamed at the same time. I'm still not sure wherein my purpose in life lies, although something tells me it's people-oriented. I like people to be happy, I like to make them laugh, and sometimes I also think I have no life because I always think about how to make another person's day. Of course this is almost comparable to trying to please others, but hey, in an age of self-centeredness (Nobody, Nobody but Me) is this really a bad thing?

Of course I also had my slight hiccups during the week, when people try to take advantage of a giving nature - my mother never fails to remind me that "there is no need to be so honest". However, being so competitive also makes me feel guilty at the same time.

My knee is healing well, although I have done nothing to aid it. In fact I sprinted for the BTC that day from CL all the way to LT13 under 5 minutes, when I reached home I felt like puking. Hopefully it will not die on me during FB next week (which I am still not sure if it's the best thing for me to join).

I think this week flew by rather quickly! Tomorrow will be best friend time with our favourite activity of badminton which we only play twice a year HAHA, because her schedule is busier than mine. And hopefully an Ashton's treat! (:

Derk mentioned that I seem to be happier now. Mm, I think so too, although of course my weeks are as eventful as ever and I do have my highs and lows, but as Mr Leong once said during retreat,
Pain is good, it means you are alive. And thus I like being alive, because it means I am full of God's love and ready to share and spread it to others.

:)

Thought I should post this.

2009-08-26T23:30:00.003+08:00

During a certain tutorial today:

(after friendly exchanges, we are writing our personal details on the paper)
Girl (looks over): WHAT. is that?
Me: (confused) Er, my name?
Girl: (frown) why is it like THAT?
Me: Because I'm Indian.
Girl: (After a super long pause) Oh, so you are Indian.
Me: Ya.
Girl: So why isn't your name Indian?
Me: I'm Catholic.
Girl: Interesting.

She thought I was Malay. Omg. OMG. For the umpteenth time already. I should totally become fluent in Malay and talk flawlessly so I can trick people next time man. BAGUS.

First day of tutorials today. I like my classes! (: It's a lot more indepedent here, compared to JC because you actually are obligated to read up prior to coming so that you can "intellectually contribute", something which I failed to do during SEA tut where so many of them were having intellectual Wimbledon. Bah. Malay was super interesting, I laughed a whole lot and my mind is swarming with "siapa, apa, ini, itu, sini, sana" I should start speaking to any possible person who looks the slightest bit non-Chinese so I can improve.

Everybody was mugging today in CL it was keraaazeee, I think I know what Carol meant when she said uni = consistency of A level mugging for each sem. O M G.

Money woes $$$ >:S (angry pout) It's not as though I'm borrowing something off you, I'm only asking for what is due to me, and you delay it so long. Don't you know I'm financially indept from my parents? Sigh.

Busy week ahead huff huff pant gasp.

Chew chew chew it well, it's chewsday!

2009-08-25T23:01:00.002+08:00

Somewhat happy happy start to the week, got a call from the admin office saying that I FINALLY GOT MY TUTORIAL SLOT THAT I WANTED :D:D Yay, no more 5 hour break I is a happy girl time for a happy meal! Other than that, I thought Lit lecture was quite interesting even though it was alot of things jammed into 2 hours, poor people who have no prior knowledge, they seriously will not be able to catch up that easily.
Today was EL lecture which is by far super fun and refreshing because we are always learning new things. Like today we stuffed a spatula in our mouth to check the placement of our tongue, and listened to some Chinese videos. I never fall asleep during EL, only during the break.
Super annoyed at myself because I overslept and was horribly late for da-rye-veeng today could have done more in that lesson because I personally am okay with quiet instructors who minimally guide you even though yes, it's not worth the money. I must not OVERSLEEP AGAIN ):
Tuition was not as tiring as I thought it'd be, girl is super distracted and she knows it, but oh well, I'm ttly doing my part here.
Okay, I should so stop going online cos I'm never productive, end up yakyakyakking.

I MISS DB ALR.
I'm also looking forward to Friday. Huge idiotic grin.

Advanced Retreats and Overdue Meetups.

2009-08-23T14:55:00.002+08:00

If it wasn't for the horrible bad mood ( think pissed off want to kill somebody with a chopper with a vengence) that I am in right now, this would have been an otherwise chirpy like a bluebird post. However, because I think such people are seriously not worth my energy and emotions, I am not going to waste my time and let it dampen the mood of an eventful weekend. So I am going to ignore all the negativity I feel right now (seriously super bad, I am too angry to even do my favourite activitiy which is sleeping) by recollecting,

Friday
Went down to school for a two hour lecture, delayed because of the rain on my kent ridge parade that left me scuttling like a startled fawn to LT10 where I had to sit with strangers and enunciate words in a monotone. Then to the admin office to settle issues (which is until today, still pending) before I bus-sed over to Vivo with Deborahmona (: We were early, and ravenous rather, so Superdog-ged while waiting for the rest. I heart my class loads (: Even though we are such a nice bunch of people, it's a pity it's so hard to schdule gatherings because of the bane that is Army and uniuni. Had a really hilarious bitching/gossiping sessions at the open place and failed jumpshots before training back.

Saturday
Woke up at an ungodly hour for a Saturday to go for tuition in the morning, before rushing over for CJC JC1 Retreat, with co-facils Alfred and Jeremiah. I thought my group was pretty quiet at first, but then again I'm sure they are all lively and chatty outside of retreat, alot of them looked quite bored but I wouldn't blame them because I similarly felt that way during my retreat. We had mass celebrated by Father Raj (good to see him, and all the lovely teachers) before we ended at around 1030. Then had this seriously funny time hanging up their letters at the foyer under the strict guidance of Brother. Then it was an illegal road rage session with Nikki's driving expertise, where we zoomzoomed over for some prata. Albeit my extreme exhuastion, I felt that I personally gained alot from the retreat now as a facil (waaa I feel old) than when I was a student and personally feel envious of my CJ days. I really feel that when I'm back in CJ, I can be back to my crazy old self shouting lame nonsense and chionging council stuff like in the good old days. Now that I'm in uni, I feel like a really mellowed down and quiet version of myself. Still need to get used to moving around in large groups heh.

Damn pissed now, sorry gotta end this post.

Little Miss Unsunshine.

2009-08-20T21:15:00.002+08:00

So it hasn't exactly been a "happy schnappy you go girl" kind of mood, if I may quote Cherie. Balloting is a huge pain in my oesophagus, and my placenta as well because of the bureaucracy that slows down any huge organisation. Person A directs me to B, B doesn't know what is going on and asks me to ask A, and we have a circular flow of irritation. You'd think they would just give us a freaking timetable but no-o-o.
2nd week of term, super rush of things to do errands to run people to see notes to print - sort of forces you into Mode Independent but I guess that's why they kept drilling things like the Importance of Filing in school. Thank you teachers.
Tuesday was fun even though I came home like a half drowned fish: After school went for DB training where I carried my first weights and almost died because I ran without stretching. Then it was off for Fabulous Frisbee, I had tonnes of funfunfun in the open field until late, because I took the last shuttle home. There are honestly so many activities that interest me, I want to split myself through binary fusion/fission so that I can at many places at once. BUT dilemma dilemma, hate to make major decisions I love the girls at DB too ):
Lectures are getting more competitive, already my inbox is flooded with all the "interesting questions you students have asked me" (I Did?!?!) and people are seriously mugging their spleens out in level 6, where my amusing ogmates were yeah, camwhoring hahaha ( much to the chagrin of others)
I wish I could fly from place to place, so that my travelling time is reduced and I won't feel so tired from the jerky bus rides. Now I need to sort out my readings which I zapped and start on my EL notes about the tongue and the oral cavity eww super gross video never watching it again.
Retreat on Saturday. Super apprehensive. Plus things to sort out for church. Thanks Derk and Seren for listening to me whine (:

2009-08-16T22:27:00.002+08:00

I AM SO ANNOYED THIS HAS BEEN SUCH A HORRIBLE WEEKEND!
CAN'T BELIEVE I SACRIFICED MY ALREADY NEGLIGENT SOCIAL LIFE FOR THINGS THAT ARE NOT EVEN WORTH IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!
FTT WAS SCREWED UP.
INTERVIEW WAS SCREWED UP.
AND TUITION, AS ALWAYS.
Fucking delays in payment.
SO IRRITATED!

I AM ALSO VERY TRIED OF TRYING TO PROJECT MARKETABLE REPLIES BECAUSE I DO NOT THINK THEY ARE SINCERE. IF I SAY I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE MEANS I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE. IF I SAY I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT OTHER CULTURES I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT OTHER CULTURES. IF YOU THINK YOU WANT SOMEONE WHO HAS AMBITION AND SAYS STUFF LIKE OH I WANT TO BE A DOCTOR OR OH I WANT TO BE A FIREMAN THEN IM SORRY BECAUSE I DON'T SEE MYSELF IN SUCH POSITIONS AND I DOUBT THE PPL WHO LIE THEIR WAY THROUGH ALSO WOULD BE EITHER.

AND WHAT IS UP WITH CUTTING UP QUEUE? OMGG. SERIOUSLY WHAT KIND OF PERSON DERIVES PERSONAL SATISFACTION FROM SAVING HIMSELF A FEW MINUTES AT MY EXPENSE. ARE YOU BLIND. CAN'T YOU SEE I'M STANDING THERE AND WAITING FOR MY TURN WHICH YOU TTLY DEPRIVED ME OF. DON'T MAKE ME EMBARRASS YOU BY TAPPING YOU OBVIOUSLY AND RAISING MY VOICE BECAUSE TRUST ME I AM SRSLY CAPABLE OF BEING A BITCH YES SIRREE. AND STALL OWNERS DARE TO ENTERTAIN THEM! SSCREEEWWW IT. IT'S NOT SO MUCH THE COMPLETE IGNORANCE OF BASIC RIGHTS BUT MORE SO THE SOCIAL INDIFFERENCE WHICH CULTIVATES SUCH A DISGUSTING CULTURE.

There. Much better.

First week of Sem 1, Farewells and Furious Trainings.

2009-08-14T22:07:00.002+08:00

What a whirlwind of events! Just sort of sucks you up into a vortex you constantly skirt around. Firstly, let's begin with The Official Start of Week 1 in Uni - one word. WOW. Even though it was only four days of school, I felt like I've been shaken stirred upside down from the very start. The readings are a massive lot! :/ Complain whine whine, I'm basically zapping notes/searching for books in the Central Library almost after every lecture. So proud of myself, completely self-orientated myself around that place - so nice so big you can get lost among the shelves, I like.

Lunch times spent hanging out with the awesomeness that is my OG - it's so nice and heart-warming to have a bunch you can always look forward to after something, staring boredly at their laptop screens or teasing each other about their absurd modules, or even fretting over what textbooks to get. This week has been burnt on driving as well, the instructor this time was for some reason, super calming on my nerves so I fared pretty well which made me a happy girl :D

I went for my first land training on Tuesday, which was by the far the most exhuasting day ever - lectures, lunch, driving, then guess what we did? Nothing much except that we
ran around the campus as part of our slow jog
station time: butterfly kicks, push ups, and I DID MY FIRST ASSISTED PULL UP (MEN'S)
medicine ball training: this was the ultimate killer, I was thoroughly deceived because I honestly stupidly thought it was a foam ball until we did the rowing motion thing and my arms committed suicide
and finally, captain's ball in the carpark!

Training is really, from the bottom of my heart, really fun because of the teammates who make it so - they encourage and motivate us even though it's like reality TV where a bunch of bimbos (okay, maybe only me) are thrust into extreme conditions and have to do their best. Really heart them, but in all honesty The Schedule forces for prioritizing. ):

CSS after that, actually I just went for the food HA HA but eh it was pretty not bad, at least I know two or three souls there so I won't be too lonely if i join.

This week is Shuttle Bus week! (: First trip there I met my nice DB senior who showed around school a bit and the nearest way to LT11, been meeting alot of familiar faces but hardly any time to htht, it's just zooming around. I also got my EZlink card yay (: But now I need to start saving up so I can get my books as well hmm.

I am also deeply saddened by the loss of Amelia Johnson, who is such an inspirational girl/church leader - we never did talk much, except to exchange a few words of hey how ya doing and what's your plan for your youth group, in fact last encounter was at hearts on fire, guess now I won't be seeing her for a long time. I think it's true when they say good people die young, I just wish I didn't have so many good friends sometimes.

Second farewell to Frippiat, who is checking in now as I type. Too many commitments suck my weekend away, missing OG outing tommorrow at ECP because of my test and interview. See how it goes!

P.S Uni really demands alot of priortizing skills, and I am super indecisive so it's not a good combination.

updates: Oweek, Jason's, FunRow.

2009-08-09T23:36:00.002+08:00

Time to shake off those cobwebs off this unupdated blog! Firstly, I am typing my first post on my new lappie (: Although I am majorly broke and bankrupt and can't even afford a McSpicy anymore, I am very proud that I have gotten it with my hard earned money! (: Ker-ching, yes it's 8 months of uber hard work partially subsidized, I hope this lasts me through my uni years baby.

Oweek officially ended on Friday and had me leaving on almost the last bus back home, exhuasted, aching all over but very excitable and grateful for my new OG: Romeo! (: Even though we were sort of a pretty big group (we should have been called Juliet) and moving around was madness, I really made alot of new friends. Super easy to talk to, plus always out for fun and watching out for each other. Had alot of random hthts now and then which sort of bonded us (and yes, bitching actually bonds). Games I thought were quite interesting and more cool compared to ArtsCamp, Beach Day rain sort of dampended moods but not our rah-rah-ness, Flag was not bad, and OH MY TIAN RED HOUSE WON SO HAPPY PLEASE! Memorable 7 days aye.

I sort of wished I had stayover at least one of the days because night activities are usually more memorable but aiya, stupid stupid commitments oh I hate thee :/

Saturday was FunRow in the morning, I am seriously in awe of the team girls who are like so perfectly sculpted and toned and beautiful limbs of glory :o I am still incredulous that they started out with no experience. Ironically I found FunRow pretty exerting for me, relied alot on upper body strength mah which is negligent in my case heh, but the freshies are really friendly and I love how it's a small cosy group. If only I don't have all this driving and tuition nonsense I definitely wouldn't mind trying but not this sem ): But I will try to go for land training next week if I can make it back to campus on time.

Afternoon I bus-ed over to Jason's place, damn walk up that slope in the scorching sun (already suffering from after effects of camp +beach) and we played frisbee in Ethopian conditions and had a dainty little picnic on itchy grass. Honestly was surprised that everyone could make it, Salameh's and Shan's family commitments and Frip's PS tendencies - yet it was touching to really see everyone tgt again. Sitting at the table with everyone sort of brought back memories aplenty of our havoc meetings that went haywire. Gosh, how I heart you all CA beautiful people <3

Just came back from JB today, totally irritating jam there plus I have alot to say about the new immigration location but I don't want to be politically incorrect so I'd stop here.

Public holiday used to mean freedom and rest, now it just means reschuling. Sigh. Please be more kind to tutors. And I seriously need to speed read books, modules are pretty reading-intensive. Let's hope I get those tutorials in the first round.